Was Mother's Day hard for anyone else?

This was my first Mother's Day without my daughter, who died last June. I focused on the family I have and not the ones who are gone.

Thanks Pam. I guess you are the only one who understands.

It's hard to lose a child, I am so sorry for your loss, Pam. No words can express this deep loss. I lost my brother in February. I decided not to even try to tell Mom. She seems happy to see me, and smiles. Her ALZ is bad, and am afraid she may have a moment of clarity if I tell her....Sorry for your sister too, it is hard.....

Well, I thought I knew what I was doing. Captain, where is someone logical like you to make some sense of something like this. I didn't expect this.

Yes Mother's Day and every holiday for about the past year has been hard. I wouldn't mind jumping through the holiday hoops if she knew any of it was about, but she is oblivious. She is completely lost to me- doesn't know my name or who I am to her. I should appreciate the fact that I still have her, but it's not her. There's a stranger in my house.

The day before Mothers Day, my mom (stage 4 lung cancer) begged us to let her die. She was in uncontrollable pain. Mother's day she was so at peace knowing we understood. She will pass soon, but at least she is no longer struggling to live!

I can totally relate to what ItgirlalwaysON is saying. It seems like every holiday is hard anymore, but especially Mother's Day. My mom has dementia real bad and is also oblivious to what is going on. She doesn't remember who I am most of the time. The day before Mother's Day was hard as I ordered flowers and candy for her to be delivered and she didn't even know they were from me! She knew they were from her daughter but she doesn't realize that I am her daughter! I am just a complete stranger to her anymore! So then she became very tearful and wanted to go home to her Mom and Dad's, and I told her that they had died years ago! Then she got really sad thinking she has no family left to live for, and she has been living with her family right here for 7 months now!

Luckily after we took her out to eat with our daughter and grandson on Mother's Day, she seemed to know who we were and was pretty lucid. We had a very special time and I cherish those special moments! Then yesterday which was the day after Mother's Day she was back to not knowing who I am. She woke up asking for a ride home to her Mom and Dad's and I was a complete stranger to her again. It is so disheartening! I think it would be better at this point just to let her go. It must be hard for her to wake up and not know where she is or who she is living with. It is hard on me too as I hate playing these little cherades having to act like I'm just another caregiver. I've had her yell at me, "No, you are not my daughter!" and "I don't love you anymore!" I know she doesn't mean it, that she doesn't know what she's doing anymore but it is very hurtful. She is not totally gone to me as there are moments of clarity, but I am a stranger to her! I miss our Mother-Daughter relationship so much! That's why Mother's Day can be so difficult. I am just thankful that we had our special moment there on Mother's Day even if it was only for a brief while, and I will hang on to that!

I went to see my mom the day before mothers day and brought her flowers and a card. She knows who I am and she knows what mothers day is. I think. Whether or not she does, I have this memory. She is the only mother I have and no one can replace her. Until she is gone, I will do what I can.

This was my second Mother's Day w/o my Mom. I also took care of my Mom until she passed away. It was a long couple of years and one of my best accomplishments. The sting of missing her is still with me especially on Holidays, but I also remind myself that I will see her again some day in Heaven. Our mothers would tell us they are grateful for us loving and caring for them in their last years, if they could. I would do it all over again if I had to and give you each encouragement to hang in there.

Mother's Day was kind of hard for me because my real mom died when I was little, and my grandma raised me. She died when I was in college. Now I care for my aunt, who has had 2 strokes and recently broke her hip. I have always considered her as a second mom, so I bought her cards and gifts. But I did get a little bit emotional when, in church, we had our annual Mother's Day ceremony in which we present flowers to all the mothers of the church and the kids (my primary Sunday School class and the older kids) read Bible passages about mothers).

My dear sweet Mom died rather suddenly last May. Her birthday was May 9th. Her death day May 22nd. TThe entire month of May has been especially hard and sad for me. I miss my Mom every single day. I am fortunate that she knew me and was funcuntioning quite well before she suddenly went downhill. But I sure wasn't ready for her to die. A big chunk of my heart died that day and that's just the way it is. :-(

I think it's sad when we lose a loved one, especially if they are younger rather than older when they pass. The natural circle of life is we're born, we live and we die. I like and think it's important to have/keep our memories-this is one way we can honor those who have passed on. I will always miss them, but I can remember all the love, the funny things, the serious talks etc. Our loved ones that pass are not truly gone, they live on forever in our hearts.

Not only do I miss my Mother, who has dementia and is totally different than she was, but since she moved to assisted living, I don't see any of my brothers and sister during any holiday or my nieces and nephews. I feel like I have lost my entire family. It's like a death. No one makes the effort to get together anymore and it makes every holiday a little sad.

I'm sorry, I guess that comment didn't help, but know that others sympathize with you.

My mom died 17 years ago on May 9th which happened to be the day before Mother's Day that year also. It's still a difficult time for me.

My Mom passed very recently -- April 24th -- It's been excruciatingly difficult for me to cope without her since she reunited with my Dad. She was with me 24/7 for almost 4 years. It feels like a limb has been ripped off my body. I miss her sweet smile so much !

I lost my beautiful mother back in 1999 from esophagus cancer she was 61. then last year my baby sister was found in her arizona apt. Dead from a combination of oxycotin, morphine, and alcohol
whats worse is she laid on the couch dead with her apartment door cracked open for almost 2 weeks. She never was able to get over moms death. I do believe she is with our mom now and her pain is gone. we were estranged but i was always hoping she would overcome her alcoholism , and realize I was always here for her.
Yes, this mothers day was the the most depressing day i have ever had to live thru.
my husband is gone in a memory Care home, my little sister is dead, my Mother is gone. I cried most of the day. It sooooo sucks to be alone. And i miss my mother
every single day (((( and im angry that my sister abandoned life too.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes Mother's Day was hard for me, I felt so envious of all the people who could still celebrate with their moms, buy them chocolates and flowers and pamper them. It also brought up my own fears; as I have no kids of my own who is going to be there for me when I get old? It helped that my sweetie and another friend recognized that I am a mom to my rescue dogs and gave me a bit of lovin' that I needed.

I can imagine it would be so hard for you to lose the other half of your "team." Can you reach out to friends, other family members and let them know that you are in need? It is so important for us caregivers to care for ourselves, and to avoid getting isolated with our responsibilities.

I think the "year of firsts" is the hardest. This will be my year of firsts without my mom - first Mother's Day, first birthday, etc. Then it will get easier.

hi vegsister, my family is mostly gone. Dad died from alzheimers in 2008, my stepfather commited suicide(carbonminoxide poisoning) 3 years after Moms passing. He missed her terribly. My spring twin lovable Terry) died in 1997 from aids. He was 35. My oldest brother michael is in a nursing home and has been in the same one for 15 years.he is in mn i am in ca. Michael had autism when he was born. It was 1950 and they couldnt figure out what was wrong with him so he was branded mental retardation and sent away to places that tried out different drugs on him along with other poor kids with the same or similar issues. The drugs messed his kidneys and liver up,that is why he is in there. 2 kids 29 and 32. Who only care about themselves and what i can do for them moneywise. Never hear from them and probably never will again now that most of my money goes to my husbands board and care. Its almost like i dont fit in anywhere. I do feel lost and i hate going anywhere alone. Mom and i were the same. I miss our lunches out, and i miss her and i talking about everything under the sun. its veryhard

I've not liked Mother's Day ever since my mother died in 1976. Then one year my daughter chose that day to tell me she was getting a divorce. Now this year, a granddaughter turned up missing. She was found after three days of sleepless nights. I will never like Mother's Day.

My mother knows who I am but not what day (and often what time of year) it is. I visited the day before with flowers and fruit. The day after I popped in with a specialty ice cream, put a towel on her before she ate it, cleaned up and washed her fingers afterwards. In a lucid moment she said "I'm like feeding a baby". My reply "Well, at least you didn't throw it at me" made her laugh.

Yes.. Mothers Day was difficult... But I'm just glad my 78 year-old mother lives in my home. She has dementia and cannot walk and is incontinent.. But no matter what happens she is my mom and I'm her caregiver.

This Mother's Day, my daughter about an hr away, and her family had me over to join with them. My Mother joined my Father in Heaven on March 16th. We celebrated our First Mother's Day without Mom together. Her husband took us out for a wonderful lunch (he md reservations of course). Afterward, my daughter took her daughters and me, for a pedacure. I think we held each other up. There were moments that i think we both felt, and there would be a tear, but we would get on with it. We have a whole year of holidays that we will face without her. We were all so close, but i think changing the how and where we celebrated helped.
To those who have lost a child, or your parent has alz and seems to not be there, my heart ache's for you. I can't even imagine. But i know that i would do it over again taking care of my Mom. I wasn't perfect and i think i dwell too much on that, but i did the best i could with what i knew and learned from this website and from Hospice.
Happy Belated Mother's Day Everyone.

The morning was very tough for me--I lost my son very suddenly in August due to a cerebral aneurysm, and my 92 year old mom passed away in February. I had been her caregiver for the past two years. But the day got better when my husband and my other two sons took me to Descanso Gardens for a lovely and peaceful outing and then out for a late lunch at a fun restaurant, and finally a barbequed salmon dinner later in the evening at home. It turned out to be a lovely day with my family and helped to dissipate the ache in my heart for the loss of my son and my mom. I know that neither my mom nor my son would want me to feel this sad, but I can't help it. I can get on with life on regular days, but I imagine that holidays, especially Mother's Day, will always be hard. My heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing loss of any kind. Know that you are not alone!

Yes, it was hard for me. Brought flowers, card, present, and food to my mom's. Go there 1-2 times per week (one hour each way). She knows who I am, but confused and unhappy.Wants to die and be with my father who passed away 16 years ago. Refuses to see doctor. Drinks and smokes too much (she will be 83 in September). Talked over and over again about how much she hates deceased aunt and my living and only cousin. She is tired and wants to die. Already had APS and ER involved last year. APS closed case as self abuse and she refuses help. Supposed to wait for something bad to happen per elder law attorney that I consulted. I early retired right before her 5150 in September. It is all so stressful and emotionally tired. My young adult daughter had to work, but she left me some nice candles and hand soaps from BBW as a present. This was my bright spot.

This was also my second Mother's Day without my mother. I have dreams every week where she comes back alive, and we get to shock relatives by telling them that she's still alive, and I"m like, "I knew it!" She's also always mad that I threw out her underwear. Then, I wake, and she's gone. Part of her is in me; I've started to sing like she did. She told me I couldn't sing but I sound a lot like her.

That is so cool! I have started to pick up alot of my mother in me. It took awhile for me to realize it, but when i did i was proud! I Needed to have a little more fight in me. And i do feel stronger (not letting any one mess with me or taje advantage)

Im sorry, I wasnt done its wonderful you dream of your mother! I do see her. Every so often in mine. She is wearing a crown of white flowers in her hair and a long white dress with long sleeves, very angel like)))and she looks peaceful and beautiful!

I still dream of my mom, the last time it was weird; first she was a voice in a second dirty cloud I had somehow gotten a hold of after missing the first one, and was dragging along. Then she came out of the cloud and stood next to my husband I told her she was not a cloud, meaning she was a person who mattered!

Eek. I probably should stick with the short answer, which is "yes."

Kixxy - hugs, and blessings, you sure have had it rough!!