My mom (84) has lived with me (60) and my wife (56) for the last 5 years She was living alone So I, being the good son I, moved her in. And my wife was her caregiver for all those 5 years. Up until last Thursday when i got a call at work that she had left me under the stress of 5 years of being told your stupid get me this get me that do this don't do that among other horrid things.
Me and my wife love each other deeply and our marriage will survive If i can just find a place for Mom.
Hello mother, goodbye me.Goodbye us and our marriage I don't even know this angry, frustrated, and burned out man I see in the mirror. I just want to have my life back without guilt. I am the the only son left my brother passed away Oct of last year
I don't like this person I've become. How can I be this bitter? My mom has always loved me. She's been a good mom. So how can I resent her so much?
She can still get around with a walker but she won't. She sits in her chair and refuses to do anything for herself. She wants me to serve her - period. She won't eat at the table, she wont go outside, she just sits in her chair and when I come home from work she expects me to wait on her
My marriage can be saved but i just don't know what to do with mom. Funds are only 915 a month that's it with blue cross/medicare. She cant get Medicaid because she is in my home and they go by household income.
This is all new to me and i am lost as to what to do She is in the hospital right now and i am trying to have her placed into a nursing home medicare will cover 3 months and i can apply for her Medicaid then because she will be out of the home.
But i am getting this sick feeling that they are going to release her back onto me ruining any chance to get my wife back and put our marriage back together. I am met at every turn with six to eight waiting lists at places she can afford to live on her own. help i am losing my sanity and my hope
Ole mom has tried to foil this from happening but I have stood firm and strong in my mission to never let anyone or anything to ever come between my and my wife ever again. Again THANK YOU ALL...
Even the Bible says to leave ones father and mother and cleave to each other. Keep up the leaving and the cleaving just don't confuse who is the object of which verb.
I hope you are still seeing your therapist for I'm sure from experience that the ongoing journey is going to need this.
Take care, and I wish you and your awesome wife the very best!
His mom is in a new house, not the hospital.
The hospital CAN NOT just discharge her to home without a care plan in place. If you can not care for her, then they have to find her a place....go visit some and help make a good a choice as you can. She won't be happy but she will be cared for and she will find a new normal...and plan infrequent visits at first so that she can get in the swing of the staff and rules at the facility.
I am going to be smiling and chuckling about this for weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good for you for taking action. Good for Judy for saying: enough, already.
Please stay in touch and give us updates.
Enjoy!
I hope you & Judy have a wonderful time for the rest of your time together.
Sadly it won't be plain sailing, but at least you know that you've come through too much ever to founder.
Bless you both, use this time apart to take care of you too :~)
Then just don't ever stop dating. Hugs, Lucy
I hope that you can use this time while you're apart
to make your home a really special welcoming place
for her to come home to.
Perhaps you could get her some really special bath/shower
stuff. Body lotion whatever you can to help this lovely lady
feel valued & pampered.
She's spent so much time caring for others, it would be lovely
to hear that your finding ways to care for her when she comes
home again.
Take care & good luck to you.
That is very nice that your wife is helping your SIL while also helping herself to getting away from it all. I hope it will not be too much longer before she can return. You two need to be a connected team through this whole journey.
I hope you have some friends that you can do things with to help distract your mind away from mom and the house being empty.
Cmagnum is right o be so outraged. Me, too.
At the same time, We have to remember two things:
1) she may have some dementia;
2) she is probably really angry/frightened about having to move.
Remember the story of my first husband--when forced to function for his own welfare, he surprised us all and did so. If she is not mentally impaired, she will probably do the same.
Will she have a land or cell phone?
Judy is a loving and giving woman right now she is seeing to my late brothers wife and her needs as she is recovering from a total hip replacement. And she made a promise to her and my late brother that she would take care of her until she is able to drive and get the things she will need food Dr. app. etc,,,
My wife was a gift to me from God she has told me many times we are soul mates and this time away from her has made me see that she is right I love her deeply and miss her so bad it hurts but she made a promise and i am okay with that, It shows me what a great woman God has brought to me
I am very happy for you that she moving tomorrow. Move her out and move on with your own life.
If someone were in my house who wished that I had died, I would fulfill their wish after moving them out by living like a dead person as far as her, but live like an alive person otherwise.
Loving mother's don't wish such things like she said. They don't abuse their DIL and they are not homewreckers who damage marriages.
You and your wife have been through so daggone much concerning your mom, I think I'd keep her at an emotional and physical safe distance while you focus how daggone much remains on your own place both as an individual and as a married man. I hope you don't mind the play on words but daggone, Dagan, you have survived quite a daggone trying journey so far that is not over yet. So, take some daggone good care of you and your wonderful wife, daggone it, ya'll deserve it! :)
Please, please do let us know how your mom does. I am really interested to hear how she handle s being on her own.
When I left my first husband I was sure he would commit suicide. He had become so completely dependent on me for everything. No such thing . a few weeks later he was Mr. Responsibility, paying his own bills and handling life. It was I who had been the weak one, submitting, bowing and scraping. I was co-dependent.
Good luck to you and your mom! And wife, of course!
I'm glad to read of your progress. Your delima and journey take place more often than you might think.
You have been given wonderful advice and I definitely agree with the idea of wooing your wife back. I'm glad you are in therapy and will see this person again soon.
Your hands a very full with both unpacking what you have been and are going through with new insights, plus rebuilding from where you are now with your wife who sounds like a very wonderful person that you have been blessed with.
One suggestion that I have often given people in a rebuilding wooing stage is to think of the things that you did together at the start of your relationship and try dong some of those once again. Overall, I think far too many couples get so caught up in the serious stuff of adult responsibilities that we forget to breathe, loosen up and date each other, So, try gong out on some dates both planned and spontaneous and enjoy being alive and with each other in whatever you two do.
I wish you the very best in all of the various dynamics of this whole situation.
We'd take a walk together (I could still walk then), no where special just out and talk about anything/everything. We'd play games from childhood, cook for each other. Listen to music, read books together looking up from the pages just to smile at each other. In today's busy life it's good to take time for simple pleasures. Now I'm widowed I have those memories to look back on.
After the hurt of the last 5 years maybe you & your wife might like to try this.
Agree with marriage guidance & counselling but would suggest also that you "woo" your wife again. Remind her why she stuck by you through this, by being a loving, lovely partner now.
Also give yourself a break All children a pre-programmed for guilt! Believe me I had 2 parents who so badly abused me as a child that I'm severely disabled with mental health issues and I still took care of them at each of their ends of life. 1 for 6 years & 1 thankfully only for 1 year directly but 5 years at a distance.
Good luck for all your futures.