I was concerned with his mental state as he's had 3 strokes and is diabetic, has high blood pressure, Neuropathy and amputation, and always unstable with balance and is totally blind in left eye and poor vision on the right. He's developed anger, anxiety, depression which I contribute to his situation. So, now he doesn't want me around unless I give back his guns. He's been verbally abusive towards me and I just leave the room or house to avoid conflict. How do I handle this situation to either get him to understand and accept it or take some other step.
I can safely say, though, that anger, anxiety, depression and guns probably don’t mix.
I wouldn’t be returning his guns to him.
He insisted he needed them if someone broke into the house. Even though they lived in a safe neighborhood and a police station was 5 minutes away.
We considered just unloading them, but he was hallucinating. Saying people were looking in the windows. If he stepped outside with a gun, cops wouldn’t know it was unloaded.
You did the right thing. When he gets angry or agitated, call 911 and get the ball rolling on what to do next.
He's never going to stop abusing you because he can't. He's miserable, and that's understandable. Just because he's miserable, though, doesn't mean you have to be.
Rights? Tell him that removing the guns was doctor's orders. Inform him that you have a RIGHT to live a peaceful life. Which is bogus because it's not really a right but a wish that we can make happen by dumping bad people when they make it impossible for our life to be peaceful.
I am all for taking care of those who deserve our care, but once they cross certain lines, they don't deserve anything, much less their bedpans being emptied or fetch and carry by the ones they abuse. Even most sick people could be civil if they try.
Forget about his anger, and protect your safety. Since you are experiencing verbal abuse, you can contact a domestic abuse hotline. Tell them what you've explained to us here. They will tell you that you've done the right thing by getting those guns out of your house.
It is time for placement. Your husband needs a higher level of care.
As far as his verbal abuse, you do not need to remain in the room with him while he rants at you. Leave the area, go to your room and lock the door.
Have him tested for dementia if he is due for a physical.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/husband-abusive-has-alzheimers-i-am-trying-to-stay-and-care-but-it-is-so-hard-my-husband-doesnt-thin-494192.htm?orderby=recent
If he doesn’t like it he can leave and find a new caregiver .
He needs you more than you need him .
Some situations aren’t worth remaining in.
Please consider your options for your safety ., 911, a woman’s shelter . Placing your husband in a care facility , social services APS.
Is this a matter of your believing that you have no resources, nor access to resources?
Do you have shelters for battered women in your area?
Please access them. Or call APS for access to emergency protection to protect yourself.
Call Law enforcement to have them come and remove guns if your husband has threatened you with them or with use of them against you.
Call 911 for any threats until you can find safe exit.
However if he doesn't have anyone stupid enough to to that for him, then I still don't see an issue in returning his empty guns to him.
He doesn't need to know that you've withheld the ammo.
And if his abusive behavior continues after that, perhaps it's time to either get him placed in the appropriate facility or leave and call APS on your way out the door.