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We are 80 - husband, 73 -me. Low income because of decisions made by husband.I am still working.
Lots of berating of everything I do. Partly who he is and partly Alzheimers.
I am attempting to get more support - very catch 22

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https://www.agingcare.com/questions/my-husband-hates-me-for-removing-his-guns-from-the-house-says-i-violated-his-rights-494210.htm?orderby=newest

Here is my post to a very similar situation as yours and what I'm doing. Reach out for help now and don't stop until you are comfortable with a plan.
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Reply to ElizabethJH
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You are not safe in your home. As soon as he’s agitated, call 911. Because a violent man in your home is indeed an emergency.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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Please call your local battered womens shelter. They should be able to provide you with advice. You may be able to connect with free legal services through them.
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Reply to brandee
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No one has to live with abuse. It really doesn't matter if it's dementia related or not. It's still abuse.

Many people your age are getting divorced. It's called 'Gray Divorce'. So whatever assets the two of you share and whatever alimony you will get would be settled into a divorce settlement. Then your husband, or should I say ex-husband can get put into facility care and Medicaid would take whatever assets remain with him after you get your divorce settlement. This is only one option.

Another option is legal separation and he gets put into memory care. You would retain the home you live in and if you are dependent on his income that would remain as well.

A competent divorce lawyer can walk you through what your best option is. Staying in your marriage is a bad idea. You deserve better.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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I recently watched a police body cam video of them responding to a house on Thanksgiving day where the husband had frontotemporal dementia with his wife as a caregiver.

They were supposed to host Thanksgiving dinner but when his sister showed up, it was like no one was home so she got her key and walked in.

The first thing she saw in the bedroom was only the face of his wife. Her face. Then she saw body parts (face wasn’t attached on the body) so she ran outside and called 911.

The wife never believed he would harm her since he was such a loving husband.

The husband was actually kind of lucid and said basically that he was ticked off at the world so he decided she needed to pay for that. So he hacked her to death and dismembered her.

He was also very sorry and said she didn’t deserve that.

Next time your husband becomes abusive, simply walk to the other room and quietly call 911. Tell them you fear for your life. Send him to the ER and then use the phrase “unsafe discharge” and don’t take him back home.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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cover9339 Jun 17, 2025
Is this the incident that happened in AZ?
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No one deserves abuse or should accept it, even with Alzheimer’s at work. Call your local Adult Protective Services and report the situation, tell them you are not able to provide the care he needs and are not safe. Call the Council on Aging and inquire about services that could help you and a low cost lawyer to guide you on finances. Call 911 anytime you’re in fear and have your husband transported to the hospital. You can change this and have a peaceful life, I’m sorry it has gotten so rough
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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