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I was concerned with his mental state as he's had 3 strokes and is diabetic, has high blood pressure, Neuropathy and amputation, and always unstable with balance and is totally blind in left eye and poor vision on the right. He's developed anger, anxiety, depression which I contribute to his situation. So, now he doesn't want me around unless I give back his guns. He's been verbally abusive towards me and I just leave the room or house to avoid conflict. How do I handle this situation to either get him to understand and accept it or take some other step.

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You all are so helpful and I appreciate all your answers. Yesterday I left the house and was gone most of the day trying to find help, and help I got. Reports have been filed with APS, the crisis center and with our county sheriff with the support of his doctors office director. A plan is in place for any avenue that we encounter to get him a medical evaluation. One of two paths will have to occur, either he volenteerly agrees to be evaluated or if he has a violent outburst as he has had recently then we are to call 911 and they have on file at the dispatchers office of the situation and action to be taken. We have family, friends and neighbors on standby for support when needed. We wanted a plan and proper care for him and i feel comfortable with the support of our community services and everyone else who has provided input to get where we are for the moment. I couldn't have done this alone. Again thank you.
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Bulldog54321 Jun 21, 2025
Great job. Good luck
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Take some other step. See a lawyer to find out your options.

He's never going to stop abusing you because he can't. He's miserable, and that's understandable. Just because he's miserable, though, doesn't mean you have to be.

Rights? Tell him that removing the guns was doctor's orders. Inform him that you have a RIGHT to live a peaceful life. Which is bogus because it's not really a right but a wish that we can make happen by dumping bad people when they make it impossible for our life to be peaceful.

I am all for taking care of those who deserve our care, but once they cross certain lines, they don't deserve anything, much less their bedpans being emptied or fetch and carry by the ones they abuse. Even most sick people could be civil if they try.
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Thank you to all who responded. An update to this, he does not drive and he has been tested for cognitive or alzheimers and has a follow-up in August. I will be reaching out to his primary to get medication for his outburst and abusive behavior. I also have taken video as one had suggested and will reference that to the doctors when needed. I have no intention to return his guns as he's unpredictable and unstable, even without ammo. He was military police and worked in law enforcement and would know immediately if it was loaded or not. Which would lead to further anger and physical abuse to me. I know this is not over and it will be a long road ahead in getting this worked out that's best for our family.
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Bulldog54321 Jun 20, 2025
Best of luck HUGS
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I’m in Canada, and things are different here.

I can safely say, though, that anger, anxiety, depression and guns probably don’t mix.

I wouldn’t be returning his guns to him.
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ElizabethJH Jun 21, 2025
Absolutely not, I have no intentions of doing that.
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Keep those guns out of the house. From the sounds of it, your husband's condition, his emotions could escalate at any moment.

Forget about his anger, and protect your safety. Since you are experiencing verbal abuse, you can contact a domestic abuse hotline. Tell them what you've explained to us here. They will tell you that you've done the right thing by getting those guns out of your house.

It is time for placement. Your husband needs a higher level of care.

As far as his verbal abuse, you do not need to remain in the room with him while he rants at you. Leave the area, go to your room and lock the door.

Have him tested for dementia if he is due for a physical.
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Same with my grandfather when dementia took hold. He was more mad about us taking his guns than us taking his car keys!

He insisted he needed them if someone broke into the house. Even though they lived in a safe neighborhood and a police station was 5 minutes away.

We considered just unloading them, but he was hallucinating. Saying people were looking in the windows. If he stepped outside with a gun, cops wouldn’t know it was unloaded.

You did the right thing. When he gets angry or agitated, call 911 and get the ball rolling on what to do next.
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Further to my comment, there is an outstanding book: The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How To Recognize It And How To Repond by Patricia Evans. Her work on the subject has been truly ground-breaking. It might be helpful.
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Scampie1 Jun 20, 2025
Very good book. I have it as well.
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You were wise to remove the guns. Make no apology for taking this important step. It sounds like your husband has lost the ability to make sound judgments and good decisions, not uncommon with the issues of aging and his health challenges. Has he had a medical evaluation that included testing his cognitive status for possible dementia coming on? Don’t discuss the guns with him, it’s not changing and will only frustrate you both to have looping conversations about it. Talk to his doctor about a possible medication to calm his behaviors and help with the depression. Most importantly, know this can escalate and your safety is vital. Call 911 anytime you feel threatened and have him transported to the hospital for further evaluation. This may reach a point where it’s impossible to live together as his needs grow and his behavior becomes more challenging. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this and wish you well in finding the best plan forward
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cover9339 Jun 19, 2025
To be fair, he has limited vision and other health issues to deal with, so he is taking his anger, which is wrong, out on his wife, since she is readily available.
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All good answers so you don't need my opinion. Just wondering if you did that Alaska vacation.
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