I was concerned with his mental state as he's had 3 strokes and is diabetic, has high blood pressure, Neuropathy and amputation, and always unstable with balance and is totally blind in left eye and poor vision on the right. He's developed anger, anxiety, depression which I contribute to his situation. So, now he doesn't want me around unless I give back his guns. He's been verbally abusive towards me and I just leave the room or house to avoid conflict. How do I handle this situation to either get him to understand and accept it or take some other step.
He's never going to stop abusing you because he can't. He's miserable, and that's understandable. Just because he's miserable, though, doesn't mean you have to be.
Rights? Tell him that removing the guns was doctor's orders. Inform him that you have a RIGHT to live a peaceful life. Which is bogus because it's not really a right but a wish that we can make happen by dumping bad people when they make it impossible for our life to be peaceful.
I am all for taking care of those who deserve our care, but once they cross certain lines, they don't deserve anything, much less their bedpans being emptied or fetch and carry by the ones they abuse. Even most sick people could be civil if they try.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/husband-abusive-has-alzheimers-i-am-trying-to-stay-and-care-but-it-is-so-hard-my-husband-doesnt-thin-494192.htm?orderby=recent
I can safely say, though, that anger, anxiety, depression and guns probably don’t mix.
I wouldn’t be returning his guns to him.
Forget about his anger, and protect your safety. Since you are experiencing verbal abuse, you can contact a domestic abuse hotline. Tell them what you've explained to us here. They will tell you that you've done the right thing by getting those guns out of your house.
It is time for placement. Your husband needs a higher level of care.
As far as his verbal abuse, you do not need to remain in the room with him while he rants at you. Leave the area, go to your room and lock the door.
Have him tested for dementia if he is due for a physical.
He insisted he needed them if someone broke into the house. Even though they lived in a safe neighborhood and a police station was 5 minutes away.
We considered just unloading them, but he was hallucinating. Saying people were looking in the windows. If he stepped outside with a gun, cops wouldn’t know it was unloaded.
You did the right thing. When he gets angry or agitated, call 911 and get the ball rolling on what to do next.
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