Both of my parents are only 60 years old. However, my mom recently had a stroke and also fell and broke her hip, while my dad is suffering from severe congestive heart failure. They are basically unable to take care of day to day activities by themselves. I am only 25 years old with just 2 years of work experience out of college. My brother, who is 23, has already taken a year off of school to help take care of our parents. I am taking the summer off to move back to Florida from New Hampshire to help so my brother can finish school, however I am worried that this will turn into a much more long term commitment. I also feel obligated to take care of my parents, because they gave up their lives to take care of their parents. Everyone tells me that it is the right thing to do, but it is scary to think that at only 25 years old, I am giving up my entire life before it seemingly even starts. I do not have my own family to lean on for support, just my brother. I love my parents very much and want the very best for them. I was wondering if anyone out there was in a similar situation and had any advice!
If you feel you must be there for them because they did that for their parents, then by all means move back home or an apartment near their home. Find a part-time job because I promise you - this will be Your Sanity from the demands of caregiving. It's very important that their money is theirs and your money is yours. Do Not mix it up. Keep all receipts for when you use their money for bills, grocery or other shopping, etc....
I was age 23 when my mom got diagnosed with dementia. Due to my religious obligation (not the same religion with my family), I reluctantly stayed home to help dad with mom. I literally cried because i did not want to do it. That was 25 years ago. My mom just passed away last year. Dad is bedridden from a Mild stroke but he refused to do therapy to become normal.
In the years that I have stayed here, my father believes that it is My Duty to take care of them. I should Not go out with friends because I have Sick Parents at home. I should Not laugh on the phone with my friends/other family. If I find laughter with visiting relatives, he cruelly gets mad at me and embarrasses me in front of them. You see, because I stayed here all these years, he believes he owns me - a slave to Them. My job was and is my sanity. What my father tries to do is break my spirit. I refuse. My job, the people I meet, who tells me that I'm beautiful, or very pretty or a happy smile - these clients - builds me up where father had tried to tear me down.
So, Skibird, I wish for you to hop around this site. Read what other caregivers are facing daily. Go in with Open Eyes and be aware of what you are going to face. Come back if you have questions, and someone will help you with the answers. {{hugs}}
You say that you feel obligated because your parents gave up their lives to care for their parents. Really? They got married, had and raised two sons. One or both of them probably had a job and I guess that they have helped you and your brother pay for college.
I was your age and recently out of college when my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer so I understand what you are going through. I worked full-time while taking care of her with the help of my father and private nurses and I don't regret it one bit. However, my situation was different from yours in that my mother was terminally ill and my care-giving lasted for eighteen months. Yours may last for decades.
I strongly suggest you and your brother explore all the options available before making a decision. I can't imagine any parents who would insist on their child doing what you're considering doing, just because they did it, or because "people" expect it of you.
Do you really want to be fifty years old, with no employment experience, no savings and all alone (because full-time caregivers don't tend to have much time for a glittering social life?) The people who are telling you now that you owe it to your parents to devote yourself to caring for them will either have died by then or lost interest.
Seriously, I don't think you should do it.
I have to children 23 & 26...Both are college graduates. My husband and I are very proud of their accomplishments and raised them to be independent.
There is no way I would want them to take care if us..
Who is "everyone" that tells you it is the right thing to do? It can't be your own piers? I assume it's other older family who don't want to take own the responsibility themselves..
Call your local Elder Affairs, talk with their doctors. You need to find either home care or placement for them. That's the right thing to do. Not give up your life..If you feel you need to be near them then do so, but get a job in FLA. Continue your education whatever, but put your life first. That's what any parent should want for their children..
You are young, learn that compromise is crucial in any relationship and in a successful life. Throwing yourself on the sword for this problem will only create 3 people in misery.
I was your age when I chose a major I was not crazy about, because it had high earning and employment potential. My priorities were to be paid well and be able to find a job close to my dad. I hated my first job, but it paid for my masters, I passed up promotions that required transfers, and found other opportunities. I and launched a successful career I have enjoyed and am grateful for. When my dad really needed me later in life, I was able to respond tenfold from a position of love and strength and financial security.
Allow yourself to grow, learn to compromise, always look to strengthen your position in life.
Best of luck to you.
L
Contact their doctor and request in-home services evaluation. There are lots of options out there, it just takes time to get it all together.
You and your brother sound like kiddos to be very proud of under any circumstance. Best of luck to you both!
Get your own job and place to live. Be there emotionally for them, help them organize outside help, but don't become the sole provider of assistance. There are ways they can get help from others - private pay if they have money, Medicaid if they don't. You don't have to give up your life in total service to them. It's not fair to you!
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