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My Mother died 5 years ago after a long illness that drained both me and my father of a certain amount of emotional strength. 3 years ago my 75-year old father took up with a 61-year-old, penniless woman he met at his yacht-club bar (after going thru 3 - that I know of - similar women at same bar), and has since began & developed a twisted, sexually-based, emotionally sadomasochistic relationship with her that has this past month spiraled into the depths. It would be almost funny if it wasn't so serious. I have cried myself to sleep almost every night since then from my remote motel room (I work on the road). My dying mother promised me (an only child) a good deal of inheritance that they both worked to build as an estate -- we are/were all hard-working engineer-types. Over the 3 years I have stood by (in and around my various stints on the road) and watched this conniving woman take mortar and brick out of this promise, one by one. I kept my mouth shut and even endured her zingers to my face about my career and roadie lifestyle (behind his back, naturally) for these 3 years -- I watched the new expensive car, the endless expensive meals out (I do not exaggerate, often with her friends and family included on his tab), the European vacation, the apartment of her own because she couldn't afford the rent (actually, her roommate also probably didn't like the drinking/sex nights), and now the inevitable -- the she couldn't afford the rent anymore on her place and moved in with him. She now complains her back hurts from her nursery-school job ( = her health is poor from excessive eating & drinking) and I know quitting her job and spending both his & Mom's SS (then marriage) is next.

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Coyote,
As a fellow engineer I know you are or should be making more than $70k a year, you are 53, so you must be experienced. I assume you are Civil, I am EE, working in tech sales instead. Focus on your career, your earning potential is way above what you are spending your energy on. Let go, let dad have his girl, even if you do not care for her. Focus on your relationship with your husband, focus on your career. I have no idea what your rights, to this trust are, if you must pursue that do so at the expense of what is left of your relationship with your father....all for less than a year's engineering salary.

Allow yourself to let go of this, it is eating away at you....move on. Be happy.
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I keep seeing the figure $70,ooo. and then hearing it;s small trust, etc. For some of the people here that amount would be life changing. It seems it would be for you also. Take the job in Tx, and keep your sanity by getting a copy of the Trust and letting your lawyers fight this battle. If they are involved, they are gonna take a chunk, but you should get something :)
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My husband is disabled, but not enough to get SSI.
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coyote, your comments are confusing. You say you are alone, yet last month you mentioned you had a husband. Yesterday you said you have no lawyer to help you but a couple days ago you said you had two lawyers helping you. There are other things that just don't add up.

I wish you luck.
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Coyote, you are beyond beside yourself. Review the Trust as advised and take that job in Fort Worth. Right now you just need to put some distance between yourself and this couple. While you are close you are trying to interpret every move and honestly behaving like a spurned lover and you know better than that. Your Mom knew what she was doing when she set up that Trust. No one becomes a drunken playboy over night you Mom knew something. Did you ever see Mom's will? maybe take a look at that, there are probably some clues there.
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I signed on again. He claims he is the trustee. He is holding it to the arbitrary age of my being 59, for whatever outlandish reason. I am 53. (yeh, I know my photo was taken when I was 46.) My mother, who set aside the money from her own earnings, has been dead since 2009. I guess you can see I am stuckw/o a lawyer -- I need the money now to get an apt. near a big city, a real engineering job, and starting to make the real wheels of justice turn for both my Dad and I.
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Ok well I wish you well. If you are beneficiary of a trust, It is easy to collect what is yours by going to the person, not your father, who holds the trust. A trustee by law is suppose to distribute the trust by the wishes of the person who set it up. Good luck.
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To heck with it -- I'll see you guys in the morning before I hit the contracting circuit again.
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Sorry to pick on drinking -- I too drink a couple beers or glass of wine or two, but not to the point where it interrupts my abstract, objective or existential thinking.
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As I said, when it's time to leave a drunk (and/or narcissistic deluded person, of any age), it's time to leave just that.
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Nonsense; he will sober up just long enough to parlay his own PhD in front of any court. I am truly on my own now, since the golddigger found a drunk old idiot.
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What your father, as Trustee(?) is allowed or required to distribute to you depends entirely on what the trust says with regard to distributions. You should review the terms of the trust to determine what your access should be.
As the beneficiary of the trust you are certainly entitled to a copy of the trust. I would suggest taking that copy to an attorney to assist you in interpreting the trust. If the trustee will not provide you with the copy, the attorney will be able to demand it for you.
The bottom line is that the trustee must follow the instructions in the trust. If they won't, the can be removed via litigation. Also, the person controlling the trust works for the trustee, not for the beneficiary. You will have to go to court to force your father to honor the trust.
The judge could even remove your father as trustee due to his health. Of course, taking your father to court is a sure-fire guarantee that you'll ruin your relationship with him, so this should be an act of last resort, but it would stop him using the trust part set aside for him on "stray" women.
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PS I may need to leave this drunk. He is making his own bed.
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Please help with is one -- shakinofthedust!!
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Oh, and today, he drunkenly told me he hopes to live to 100 (ad. sic.) and then in another breath explained how supposedly "angry" he got that his BMW got towed while "the new royal couple" attended one of HER grown-up child's parties at her Ex's house (that they were invited to, probably bearing expensive gifts.) All I want is my mere 70K of Mom's trust money and get off this circus!!
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I just need to know what's going on. I don't trust her. And you're right, shakinoffthedust, they are driving me insane, out of their (his) life, and it makes me cry. For now, at least I have a great job opportunity in Ft. Worth.
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Coyote, some of us are just trying to help, and now we are getting yelled at :[
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I mean it -- I need at least a tiny bit of support so at least I can help this fellow poster out, whose loved one may have perished not "by accident." PLEASE don't attack me again. I beg of you. This elder golddigging behavior is a growing crime, and I for one don't take it funny or lightly.
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Now stop attacking me before I take this post down. I have already had a woman reach out to me whose aging father died during a similar ordeal. I am about ready to ask her to investigate who actually gave a push to the ladder he climbed during a home maintenance task 2 days after he threatened to divorce his golddigger. She needs my support. Please let me be while I at least help her out.
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Oh amd by the way, before you ever dare attack me again, any of you -- my late mother, a mathematician by trade who worked for industry (mostly aerospace) for 32 years, left me my trust fund -- though not a lot -- it is still mine == to get off thisstinking road. She was a classic exampke of a strong, beautiful, instelligent woman who was certainly NOT a golddigger.
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I am so glad I am so close to closing down this post, now full of responders who themselves are (but for a few) full of of conditioned, slavery-driven men driven by golddigging women themselves, only out for their own comfort in lives, only breeding children to protect and proliferate just that narrow belief. Read "The Manipulated Man" written by Esther Vilar. She was actually not a feminist at all; she just thinks most women are callous, non-thinking, manipulators who want to "check out" and never lift and finger again at a man's expense. My step-father fell into the hands of one.
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Or you could move in with dad and not be homeless
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Just a thought after the shock !! He could marry her and you wouldn't get a dime.
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sorry about the miss typings; I was not drunk myself; just furious at bad feedback lately.
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BYTW some od you who can't differentiate between money and lawyers -- when a loved one pisses you off enough because they have become 14 years old again with their first H@@D-on, you need a lawyer.....!!!!!! BTW, I am not alone, I have researched it is often one of the first signs of alcoholic dementia (or other dementia). I am done with people calling ME the gold-digger. I need the teust to get off the dangin road an stay closrr to him with a REAL engineering job.
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Thank heaven I have at least 2 lawyers helping me now -- see, there ISS something that can be done, rather than sit back and SEEEETH.
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What the heck was that?? All I want it to get off the road!! I'm homeless and exhausted!! (Even though I sometimes earn a lot per hour!!) Back off !!!! I'm old and sick and tired of being on the road, isolated, alone, a black sheep in spite of my training, ostrasicized and exhausted!!!! AND MY OLD !@#!@# STEPFATHER IS ACTUALLY IS NOW EXACERBATING IT WITH HIS OWN SELFISHNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please readers, please stop being mean to me!! I want to see him more often, but now -- and you missed the original point -- he has a golddigger in the way!!!!!! I AM NOT THE GOLDDDIGEER!!!!!!!
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Coyote, do you know how your Dad's will is written? Maybe that will is already set up as you as the sole beneficiary, and you have nothing to worry about.
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Coyote; I'm confused. how will the meager trust fund allow you to get off the road? Will it allow you to retire? Have you tried the tack of taking Dad out to lunch to have a heart to heart with him? If your mom left YOU the money from her estate, can't the probate lawyer handle that?
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I need hugs --- I cried all night again.
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