Do any of your caregivers take medication (anti-depressants) to help you be a caregiver?

I would say take time for yourself. You need assistance. You need to get someone in there to help you. Call visiting angels, or a friend. Personally, medication is the last thing to depend on. You need help don't be ashamed to ask! Blessings

Sounds like you are overwhelmed and need help. Unfortunately it may be time to consider placing him in a facility. If you think medication will help the stress talk to someone about it but really it is just masking the issue at hand which is you are overwhelmed and need help.

I tried to restart an antidepressant that I had previously been on when I was caregiving. It made me tired, so I tried taking it at night and I kept forgetting because I take my regular meds in the morning. So I can't give you an honest assessment as to whether it would have helped.

What I can say, is caring for my my mom to the point of emotional and almost physical collapse should have stopped months ago. Everyone warned me and told me to take care of myself but I just kept pushing through. Now I am paying the price.

I did not take antidepressants while my mom was residing in a NH with me as her primary HCP.

I recently started Zoloft (which I've taken in the past for depression) after my husband's post-surg internal bleed. My blood pressure blew up; my doctor started me on a second med to get it under better control and strongly suggested I think about my overall well being.

I don't think ADs mask symptoms. I think they increase the supply of brain chemicals that get severely depleted when we are living under stressful circumstances.

My friend, "meds" will not help you be a better caregiver. If you are a person who does not take medication don't start now with mind-altering drugs that change and tinker with brain chemistry. This is what anti-depressants do.

I was a homecare worker for 25 years. I was also one to my abusive mother until I walked away from that mess. So I know how miserable and maddening being a dementia and invalid caregiver can be. I also know what it's like to be in it 24/7.

You live with an alcoholic. My first husband was an alcoholic and we divorced for this reason. I think you probably don't want to live with it anymore. Anti-depressants won't help that.

Before you consider "meds" ask yourself a couple of honest questions. Such as:

-Would a change in environment improve how you feel? As in your husband getting placed?

-Would an active social life away from your home and husband improve how you feel?

-Would less responsibility being laid on your shoulders help?

If you answer 'yes' you don't need anti-depressants. You need to change your environment and remove your husband from it. Put him into managed care.
You can stillhelp and be an advocate to ensure he gets well taken care of. Only you will not have to literally bear the brunt of actually having to provide that care.

Please think about it. You deserve to have a life of your own.

Let's assume permanent placement is not an option for your husband at the moment. Definitely talk to your PCP about getting on antidepressants because they can help you A LOT with the crying jags and general sadness you're feeling right now. We ALL need help managing life from time to time. I needed help with ptsd in 2000, and now with depression and anxiety from a cancer dx. Both times Paxil helped me tremendously. It clears my head, calms my racing heart, and allows me to put things into a better perspective.

Best of luck to you.

All 3 of my MIL's kids are on antidepressants. My BIL said he was taking a "massive amount' of Lexapro. Dh takes Zoloft, YS takes Ativan.

So--yeah 3 out of 3.

You are not only caring for you husband, your primary relationship, the man you chose to enjoy your life with, but you are ALSO facing a grievous loss and an uncertain future. Is that not enough reason to feel some depression? What I feel about medication is that it can help form a bridge over trouble waters, and it sometimes helps us form better ways of facing things, better ways of thinking that can last even when we choose to give up what is admittedly a device to help us in our struggle. You may be a person of faith, and I hope that's a great comfort to you, but you aren't god, you aren't a Saint, and it is a kind of hubris to expect that of yourself.

Try every means you can to support yourself as you support another. And know that the melding of being a CAREGIVER as well as a wife (or sister or daughter) is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life. You are deserving of all the help that you can get. So while that Faith-based community helps support you I hope they also know how to make a good casserole, drive you to shopping, deliver a few sacks of groceries, drive you to appointments. Because THAT to my mind is real faith based work.

And please, oh please, cut down at the first sentence someone suggesting that you need to "let go and let god" or that you "don't have enough faith" or that "you must do positive thinking". THAT, my dear, is cruelty. THAT is making you a victim when you are ALREADY a victim. That is saying that you are responsible for this, and you ARE NOT. Any faith that would think any god would put this upon someone for the delight of it, or as some childish test of faith, is in thrall of a very nasty little god indeed.

Alva you always give the most insightful, truthful, and helpful answers. I look forward to your responses. Thank you for your participation in this group. You’re a gem.

If you haven't tried to place someone in memory care lately, you may not realize that a medium price is $8000 a month.
You can probably find someplace else expensive, but you get what
you pay for. Average cost for hiring an in home assistant is $20 to $25 an hour.

If you do Facebook at all I recommend a site called Cymbalta is Worse.
There you will meet a mess of folks who started an anti depressant for sometimes little or no reason (which is what I almost did) and ended up able to feel nothing at all, in worse shape than when they started, and in some real trouble.

I would get support from a good therapist first, myself.
I am an old retired RN and I am well aware that some need help of anti depressants. I am just saying to take care. Well research anything before you start it. Monitor yourself. And get off carefully if and when you quit.
Some are helped by building a bridge over clinical depression so they stop habitual ways of thinking and brain-speak. But some are harmed when the situation itself is worthy of depression, and isn't going away.

My own story about Cymbalta is that I was having some nerve pain cervical, sub-axillary, down my right hand, into fingers. Along with that some spiking BP and some anxiety situationally due to aging concerns. Doc said try low dose cymbalta. First dose ended me in the bathroom with explosive diarrhea. It was my LAST Dose. I called doc and said, "hey, I am OK with pain and BP, used to them. THIS is something else" .
Reading up I found not uncommon early side effect, but thought "wow, for 15 mg that's pretty powerful stuff". Then went online and found out some got such raging IBS they were getting bowel biopsies and etc. But wait, there was worse. Many kept getting bumped up in dose until taking 120 mg to 160 mg daily, and feeling like zombies.

I have a family member who dealt with life-long clinical depression. Eased a whole lot after menopause, but until then was a lot of on and off and off and on of various meds and med cocktails. Not with a lot of success. Mostly trading this symptom for that. And I can only say that clinical depression and situational depression are different. I would do cognitive therapy for the latter.

Again, I know others who seemed to have been helped, especially when taking short term. I would only caution to get a good doctor who knows these meds and their side effects, and to take great care with them. The warning material in the box can look as long as a tableclothe, so try not to scare yourself to death. Just take care.

I don't think I was depressed, and I never took anti-Depressive medicine, but I sometimes took Xanax when I had to drain my husband's lungs, b/c that caused me huge anxiety.

I began taking an anti-depressant about a year after we lost our 13-year-old son in a tragic accident. I had abundant support from family and friends (and I still do) along with a strong spiritual life and grief counseling. I also read many books and was in touch with a bereaved parents group. But I was still mired in the loss. At that point I took the gentle suggestion of my doctor to try adding an anti-depressant. It didn’t erase the sadness, but it smoothed out the highs and lows and helped me deal with the inevitable “normal” difficulties that we all face in life, allowing a calmness to life in general.

As I now deal with caring for my husband who ten years ago was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, once again I am using all the appropriate tools to care for myself as well. When I realized I could no longer do this 24/7, I brought in an outside caregiver. A year ago I made the difficult decision to move him to a small memory care facility. It’s for both of us.

There should be no shame in using all the “helps” available, including medications, no matter what loss we’re dealing with. Be kind to yourself.

Whisky always worked for me 👀😜

For what may appear to be mild stress(ors) compared to you crying w a husband with leukemia, yes I decided to take a mild dose to get me over the hump - for perhaps a few months. My stress level was severe enough to me to take something to get over the hump. One question might be: Is the objective to get over the hump (then stop) or does this situation require more ongoing medication to normalize the feelings to cope?

As I often say, the question 'isn't' has helped anyone. The question is how could medication help me in this situation? In other words, your situation and circumstances (history of medication, tolerance - a wide net of variables) is unique to you and thus, medication needs to be assessed based on your needs / situation, not others.

I rarely took / take medication. I don't like to do that seeing myself as 'holistic' although we do what we (feel / believe) need to do when we need it. Honestly, I didn't even think of taking a medication (mild to calm down); my sister suggested it so I thought about it. I am glad I did for those few months years ago.

In my point of view: While medication could help, it is important to not (want to / have the objective of) cover up feelings and frustrations. It is finding that balance between taking the edge off TO COPE and not taking 'so much' wherein we numb out.

Personally, if I were crying 'too much' and had the network / support, healthy lifestyle including spiritually and exercise as you do, I would likely want to try something. But, again, we are all different so what I'd do may certainly NOT be what you decide to do.

Perhaps the only way we can decide is to be willing to see how we feel after giving a medication 'time' to work - which can be (so I read/believe) up to two weeks to take affect.

I would also ask myself:

What are the negatives of taking a medication now?

How long do I want to be on it / take this medication?

What is my objective in taking medication for xxx (crying, unable to cope 'well' as I feel I should be able to cope).

Do I have negative associations with prescribed MEDICATIONS - will I feel I am 'giving in' and 'losing the fight' by taking a medication?

What 'self talk' will I tell myself and how will these internal discussions affect me?

Let us know what you decide and how you are doing.

Gena / Touch Matters

I've read somewhere that it's hard to stop taking antidepressants once you start.

I've been reading this book and it is useful:
The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself 
https://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Caregiver-Mindful-Approach-Yourself/dp/1440597731

This is a short intro to mindful meditation:
https://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-how-to-do-it

Yes I just started Paxil again. I took it when my baby had two rare diseases and I was really stressed out (he grew out of them). I stopped taking it and then my mother in law with dementia moved in. I restarted it. It has been very helpful to smooth out the lows and put my head in a better space to manage her. I’m very natural, trained many years in natural medicine. Never thought I’d take an antidepressant but it’s the best thing I could have done for my mental health. Sometimes all the positive thinking and therapy just doesn’t do the trick.

I use counseling 2x monthly and my faith to handle this stress. And exercise weekdays..first thing in the am.. I do not have depression just overwhelmed at times. ….year 5 of moms dementia.

Yes I do first thing in the morning.

I do. I take a low dose of Lexapro to keep me less anxious. But I can only take it at night because it puts me to sleep very quickly.

Being a caregiver is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. For most of us there is no preparation, training or aspiration for this.

If you haven't already, I might suggest first having an honest discussion with your Primary Care Physician. My doctor and I had had discussions previously about my husband. One day I told him "I think my head is going to explode." This was a day of action. He prescribed a low dose of Cymbalta and closely followed up with me for a few months. I have been on it for several years now and it helps keep me on an "even keel." I do know from personal trial and error not all medication is helpful for all people.

At one point 4 years ago at age 70, we sold our home and our belongings and moved across the country to be close to family. I, too, consider myself to be strong and able to handle stress well. Once relocated, I joined a weekly Caregiver Support Group and see a therapist. I can't tell you how helpful this is for me. Often the combination of the medication, support, and therapy is what gets me through the day.

It is very easy to "lose yourself" being a full-time caregiver. I've been there. Remember that taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, is vital. If something happened to you, what would happen to him?

I'm glad you've recognized you need some help. I pray you will find an answer that works for you.

Anti-depressants can be dangerous! Please consider natural alternatives instead of going to these drugs! In some cases people, people taking anti-depressants became suicidal.

There are things that can help that are completely harmless. Like using aromatherapy (lavender is calming, as well as many others). Supplements like St. John's wort, B and D vitamins. More omega3 as a supplement or in the foods you eat. Getting enough rest and prayer is ALWAYS helpful.

God Bless you and I wish you all the best!

Yes, I take antidepressants every night. It helps me deal with my husband and his issues without being too impatient. He is 87 and has most, if not all, of the things that we old timers encounter.
Take care of yourself; burn out can sneak up on you.

What helps one may not help another. I used to take antidepressants but they didn’t seem to work. I actually started watching Neville Goddard videos on YouTube. Helps me mentally when I am overwhelmed.

I take Sertraline as an anti-depressant prescribed by my G.P. It has made life much better for me and has reduced my stress levels and increased my patience that is needed for my mum with dementia..The medication is also non-addictive .

Yes,

Yes. Talk to your doctor. You deserve to feel better.

Sertraline here (generic for Zoloft). I've tried most SSRI's...Wellbutrin made me very, very irritable. Buspar gave me frightening electric brain zaps. Paxil turned my bowels to concrete. Prozac was great for about 6 months but then it stopped working. Lexapro turned me into a zombie. Sertraline works the best for me, but nothing's perfect. Without a SSRI, my life is about 10 times more difficult to navigate. Without Sertraline, the majority of my energy goes to creating and maintaining my emotional equilibrium. With Sertraline, I'm no longer gridlocked in overwhelm mode, and I'm able to recoup all that energy and use it to rationally solve problems and make things better for myself and my LO. But that's just me.

In your situation, I'd suggest carefully exploring whether a SSRI would be helpful. How? I'd recommend starting off with very best Ph.D Psychologist you can find to do limited talk therapy. Why a Ph.D Psychologist? Because they are the best educated and best trained professionals to deal with talk therapy. They can't prescribe SSRI's, but they usually work in tandem with a specialist MD (usually a Psychiatrist) who can prescribe a SSRI *IF* you decide to try a SSRI.

I'd bypass your PCP because a PCP has almost zero time to effectively guide your with this. Likewise avoid any "new age" therapists or lesser educated practitioners who work only by throwing overdone wordspeak cliches at you. Find a therapist who is pedigreed, skilled, kind, and capable of understanding you and your situation. Someone that makes life easier for you, not harder.

Good luck with this!

Yes. I had already been taking Zoloft for many years. My doctor increased my dosage and I asked for medication for my anxiety so she added Atavan. I try not to take it too often but it really helps me. I also speak to a therapist.
Good luck!

The person I might be a caregiver for is always re-evaluated and meds checked before I would ever consider meds for myself.

Really, I am serious.

If my behavior changes, I first consider if there is a bladder or yeast infection, and medicate that. It is common for a yeast infection to cause tears.

There is no shame in taking psychiatric meds when needed.