Do any of your caregivers take medication (anti-depressants) to help you be a caregiver?

You are not only caring for you husband, your primary relationship, the man you chose to enjoy your life with, but you are ALSO facing a grievous loss and an uncertain future. Is that not enough reason to feel some depression? What I feel about medication is that it can help form a bridge over trouble waters, and it sometimes helps us form better ways of facing things, better ways of thinking that can last even when we choose to give up what is admittedly a device to help us in our struggle. You may be a person of faith, and I hope that's a great comfort to you, but you aren't god, you aren't a Saint, and it is a kind of hubris to expect that of yourself.

Try every means you can to support yourself as you support another. And know that the melding of being a CAREGIVER as well as a wife (or sister or daughter) is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life. You are deserving of all the help that you can get. So while that Faith-based community helps support you I hope they also know how to make a good casserole, drive you to shopping, deliver a few sacks of groceries, drive you to appointments. Because THAT to my mind is real faith based work.

And please, oh please, cut down at the first sentence someone suggesting that you need to "let go and let god" or that you "don't have enough faith" or that "you must do positive thinking". THAT, my dear, is cruelty. THAT is making you a victim when you are ALREADY a victim. That is saying that you are responsible for this, and you ARE NOT. Any faith that would think any god would put this upon someone for the delight of it, or as some childish test of faith, is in thrall of a very nasty little god indeed.

I began taking an anti-depressant about a year after we lost our 13-year-old son in a tragic accident. I had abundant support from family and friends (and I still do) along with a strong spiritual life and grief counseling. I also read many books and was in touch with a bereaved parents group. But I was still mired in the loss. At that point I took the gentle suggestion of my doctor to try adding an anti-depressant. It didn’t erase the sadness, but it smoothed out the highs and lows and helped me deal with the inevitable “normal” difficulties that we all face in life, allowing a calmness to life in general.

As I now deal with caring for my husband who ten years ago was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, once again I am using all the appropriate tools to care for myself as well. When I realized I could no longer do this 24/7, I brought in an outside caregiver. A year ago I made the difficult decision to move him to a small memory care facility. It’s for both of us.

There should be no shame in using all the “helps” available, including medications, no matter what loss we’re dealing with. Be kind to yourself.

Yes I just started Paxil again. I took it when my baby had two rare diseases and I was really stressed out (he grew out of them). I stopped taking it and then my mother in law with dementia moved in. I restarted it. It has been very helpful to smooth out the lows and put my head in a better space to manage her. I’m very natural, trained many years in natural medicine. Never thought I’d take an antidepressant but it’s the best thing I could have done for my mental health. Sometimes all the positive thinking and therapy just doesn’t do the trick.

I did not take antidepressants while my mom was residing in a NH with me as her primary HCP.

I recently started Zoloft (which I've taken in the past for depression) after my husband's post-surg internal bleed. My blood pressure blew up; my doctor started me on a second med to get it under better control and strongly suggested I think about my overall well being.

I don't think ADs mask symptoms. I think they increase the supply of brain chemicals that get severely depleted when we are living under stressful circumstances.

My friend, "meds" will not help you be a better caregiver. If you are a person who does not take medication don't start now with mind-altering drugs that change and tinker with brain chemistry. This is what anti-depressants do.

I was a homecare worker for 25 years. I was also one to my abusive mother until I walked away from that mess. So I know how miserable and maddening being a dementia and invalid caregiver can be. I also know what it's like to be in it 24/7.

You live with an alcoholic. My first husband was an alcoholic and we divorced for this reason. I think you probably don't want to live with it anymore. Anti-depressants won't help that.

Before you consider "meds" ask yourself a couple of honest questions. Such as:

-Would a change in environment improve how you feel? As in your husband getting placed?

-Would an active social life away from your home and husband improve how you feel?

-Would less responsibility being laid on your shoulders help?

If you answer 'yes' you don't need anti-depressants. You need to change your environment and remove your husband from it. Put him into managed care.
You can stillhelp and be an advocate to ensure he gets well taken care of. Only you will not have to literally bear the brunt of actually having to provide that care.

Please think about it. You deserve to have a life of your own.

Let's assume permanent placement is not an option for your husband at the moment. Definitely talk to your PCP about getting on antidepressants because they can help you A LOT with the crying jags and general sadness you're feeling right now. We ALL need help managing life from time to time. I needed help with ptsd in 2000, and now with depression and anxiety from a cancer dx. Both times Paxil helped me tremendously. It clears my head, calms my racing heart, and allows me to put things into a better perspective.

Best of luck to you.

I tried to restart an antidepressant that I had previously been on when I was caregiving. It made me tired, so I tried taking it at night and I kept forgetting because I take my regular meds in the morning. So I can't give you an honest assessment as to whether it would have helped.

What I can say, is caring for my my mom to the point of emotional and almost physical collapse should have stopped months ago. Everyone warned me and told me to take care of myself but I just kept pushing through. Now I am paying the price.

I sure do! If it weren't for venlafaxine and buspirone I'd have not made it this long. No shame in a bit of help.

Being a caregiver is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. For most of us there is no preparation, training or aspiration for this.

If you haven't already, I might suggest first having an honest discussion with your Primary Care Physician. My doctor and I had had discussions previously about my husband. One day I told him "I think my head is going to explode." This was a day of action. He prescribed a low dose of Cymbalta and closely followed up with me for a few months. I have been on it for several years now and it helps keep me on an "even keel." I do know from personal trial and error not all medication is helpful for all people.

At one point 4 years ago at age 70, we sold our home and our belongings and moved across the country to be close to family. I, too, consider myself to be strong and able to handle stress well. Once relocated, I joined a weekly Caregiver Support Group and see a therapist. I can't tell you how helpful this is for me. Often the combination of the medication, support, and therapy is what gets me through the day.

It is very easy to "lose yourself" being a full-time caregiver. I've been there. Remember that taking care of yourself, physically and mentally, is vital. If something happened to you, what would happen to him?

I'm glad you've recognized you need some help. I pray you will find an answer that works for you.

I'm about to find out if Lexapro (anti depressant) will help. The doctor said it takes 2-3 weeks before I notice. I've been caregiver to my 94 yr old diabetic, dementia, wheelchair bound mother for the last 5 years. I'm 64 yrs old and I never had children because I didn't want to deal with diapers. In addition to doing all the cooking and cleaning, now all I do is help her with adult diapers all day. I'm miserable and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I have 4 other sisters, but no one helps. I don't blame them cause Mom wasn't exactly "June Cleaver". Every time someone says, "what a blessing it is to still have my mother" I just want to punch them in the nose. I worked until I was laid off 5 yrs ago. Since I was older, I didn't think I was going to find a job with the salary I was making so I asked Mom if I could just stay at home (our house is paid for). That's when I decided to stay home and take care of her. It's just getting harder the older we both get. Now I'm ready to start traveling and I'm stuck caregiving until she dies. Sorry to be such a whiner but I can't say any of this out loud.