Would Mom be better off in a nursing home with others than living at home alone with no visitors but brief family visits?

No. Always better in known surroundings. And leave her in her home with hospice workers that come in daily. Most insurance carriers offer hospice. She's had a life full of energy, it's her time to rest and she is content. Sign her up for meals on wheels and she'll have company daily and food.

Well, I guess you could ask her - I myself, prefer no one else around as long
as there are regular visits and things to do, I am very content - as i am sure
she is.

This sounds so much like the situation with my Mom, except its talk shows & sit-coms! I work full time so I can't be there every day and my only sibling (who is retired & lives 1 hr away) can't be bothered. With the exception of talking on the phone to her neighbor & sister and one couple who take her to dinner once a week. I am her soul entertainment! I take her to her sister's on Sunday so they can go to church, and she complains that its too much for me to do (it involves about an hr of my time) I also visit her once or twice thru out the week to run to the grocery/bank/dinner. Then she complains that all she does is sit at home alone. Plus she lives in a rural area and the idea of me taking her to a Senior Center for day activities would be like pulling teeth. She wouldn't go alone and there is no one that would go with her.

I keep thinking I need to take the step to move her to a Senior Living facility just to be around more people & have something to do, but then I start thinking about the expense and knowing that eventually she will end up in a assisted living or nursing home. Its tough, I know that moving her from her home of 50+ years and giving up many of her things is going to be hard on all of us. I too, am torn on when and what to do.

As others have said, if she is content, safe, clean and still does her routines, leave her be. It is natural that as you get older, your world becomes smaller. All your family and friends are dying or dead and your closest caregiver becomes your social life. Most elderly wish to remain in their homes until the end and that's great if that's possible. As they no longer drive and start moving slower, social activities will drop dramatically. Short term memory loss doesn't help either. In addition to those things, my Mom was profoundly hard of hearing (hearing aids didn't really help) so social interaction was frustrating for those who did visit. When visitors had to keep repeating themselves, their visits became less and less. As I said, the caregiver a lot of times is their only social interaction. That's why Meals on Wheels is so important in the community. My Mom had a 2-person cleaning service that came every 2 weeks and one time I came in to find them sitting with my Mom socializing with her and her cat. I was angry at first thinking they weren't getting their job done, however, I came to realize what a blessing it was to have them "visit" with her. These ladies even visited my Mom in the nursing home after she was placed there. I was amazed and grateful to them. Short term memory loss will give way to just living in the moment, so if she is happy (or content) to do her routines, again I say let her be. It's hard to watch this aging process but we all will go through it at some point as life expectancy keeps getting longer with modern medicine. I just hope I can leave this world with dignity.

My mom is in her mid-80’s with no health issues and HATES people, but then talks endlessly to anyone who crosses her path. I wish I had left her alone 4 states away as she seemed to be getting along fine there. Now it’s an endless parade of demands and complaints. Or else reminiscing about her great mold-infested apartment and amazing neighbors. If she’s doing well and happy; don’t rock the boat.

NOT A NURSING HOME. Those are pest holes. I call them legal death camps. She would be better off at assisted living facility. If she is continent bowel and bladder that's the best place.

By the time you're 78 you've pretty much figured out what suits you. What you like to eat, what company - if any - you like to keep, your own idea of fun.

So although we might like to think of our parents eating a fabulous five a day diet, taking gentle exercise and making new friends (or even more: "old people can be so cute!" from the film Clueless springs to mind) and smiling on their supportive team of caregivers as they join in making festive decorations...

If, on sober reflection, such a scenario would make you wonder if your mother had been abducted and cloned by aliens...

Best not interfere. You don't necessarily know better than she does what's good for her.

Having said that: her voluntarily giving up the car shows that she is realistic about the need to adapt, plus there are one or two signs that you want to keep an eye on her own preferred routines to make sure she's coping. Then you can be ready to send in reinforcements or rethink her care plan as needed.

You're getting good advice and I would only add a few other considerations. First, the only reason to move your Mom would be if she's not safe and healthy where she is. If she has a routine that suits her and she is happy, that's great. Research shows that moving in advanced age can be very stressful so avoid doing so until it's necessary. Second, most seniors prefer to stay at home as long as they can, and in home care or visits may be your first avenue. Discuss it with her doctor and when she needs more care, the doctor can write a script which includes the care she needs so it can be covered. A senior social worker may also provide some valuable input about options, and research what is available in your mother's area and reviews from others. Third, ask your mother is she would like to move where she has meals, activities, and more contact with people, and if she's open to visiting independent or assisted living before the need arises.
It sounds like your mother is doing well and happy where she is, but having a conversation about what she would like in the future may be good for both of you. It may ease your mind knowing you are fulfilling her wishes once she can no longer make those decisions.
I can't have that conversation with my mother, who is 91 and lives alone by choice yet complains about everything: neighbors, her heat, her a/c, the sun coming in her window, you name it, but she won't have a conversation that results in any improvements. As a result, I have communicated my wishes to my sons and daughters-in-law so they can know what I would want even if I can't communicate it should something happen.
I wish you the best, but "don't fix what ain't broke." Gauge the situation by your mother's content, health, safety, and happiness. Good luck!

The only thing I would add is to consider having her evaluated for depression. A lot of seniors get depressed as part of the bodily aging process. I’m suggesting that to rule it out as a possible cause for her lack of interest in the things you mention. Once ruled out, if she prefers to stay alone in her home I would support it unless it was a safety issue. I don’t think the isolation is as healthy as socialization but some people prefer to be on their own and there are other ways to provide socialization for her on an as needed or as desired basis.

If every time I lost or couldn’t find something in the fridge, I’d be in nursing home too.

Heck, I can't even remember how long food has been in the fridge, I use masking tape and a sharpie to put the use or throw out date.

She sounds like she is just fine at home, if you are worried about her being alone to much, try to find visiting Angel's or volunteer visitors to come see her or enlist all the friends and family to rotate spending time with her.

Old people get tired and less social, do her wanting to stay home is completely normal.

I pray she continues to do well at home and gets to go on her terms.

Thank you, I will.

Oh, she's 78. She gave up driving a year ago on her own, because she didn't want to be a danger to others. For a while I took her grocery shopping. Now, she won't go with me. She has a list of things to replace. I try to get extras like fresh fruit but she doesn't remember to put them on her list.

Weve checked AL, but she can't afford $5K a month. That would be ideal. She only takes 3 meds, including a multi vitamin, and I bought an alarm pill box from Altzheimers.org. it works great. I've noticed that she doesn't walk as fast as she used to. Her steps are very short and careful. She hasn't cooked on a stove in years... Just toaster and microwave. She gets up after 12pm but doesn't go to bed until 1 or 2. But her schedule is stable. She remembers to go to the barn to feed the barn cats and water the horses, but she can't remember how long food has been in the refrigerator. She's truly amazing. She's very independent and doesn't want to be a bother. She misses my Dad who died 9 years ago and was the social one of the two. I've offered to drive her to the senior center but she is NOT interested. She doesn't want to go to horseshow anymore to watch grandkids and greats. She has a very short attention span and is very self focused now. She loves us but she's not all that interested in us anymore. She also doesn't remember a lot of people and it embarrasses her, even though I have the same problem as do my friends. I, personally would prefer that she stay in her home until she's comatose, or doesn't know where she is.

I agree socialization is very important; however many elderly want to remain in their home and we need to respect their wishes as long as their safety is not seriously impaired. Your mother may do better in AL if she agrees to the move. I had two elderly great-great-aunts who lived together all their lives. When the older aunt was 90, this very independent lady decided to sell her home (which the sisters shared) and enter a nursing home (there were no senior living or AL at that time), She was happy there. Her younger sibling who didn't really want to go never stopped complaining about being in the home even though they shared a room. They were there a little over 9 years, the younger died first at 93 and the elder a couple of months later at 99.

Is there a senior center near your mom? Many provide transportation to and from home for little or no cost. At this point, Mom might more readily agree to spending a few mornings or days a week at a senior center program. Once she enjoys the socialization opportunities there, she may be more likely to consider AL.

Is she living totally on her own?

My mom lost her ability to drive due to macular degeneration and became a total shut in in her late 70's. Although she insisted she wanted to stay in her familiar home and we were available for weekly shopping trips when I look back I realize that the decades of isolation must have been brutal and I regret that we allowed ourselves to accept the status quo. Whether you choose IL, AL, daycare or the seniors centre I think that all people, even introverts, do better when they have the opportunity to connect with others.

How old is your Mom? Can you give us more info? She sounds pretty “with it” being able to prepare meals, eat and manage on her own...is she getting herself up in the morning, getting dressed, staying clean, and managing getting to the bathroom on her own? Is she walking? Does she take meds and is she managing them on her own? Or are your brief visits helping her with all this? If she’s doing all or many of these things independently, she’s not really a candidate for a nursing home. But she may enjoy an independent living apartment where meals are served and entertainment is provided. My Mom lived in one for 6 years and loved the socialization. We eventually had to add a few hours of private caregiving to help with meds etc, before it was time for assisted living, and then finally a nursing home when she couldn’t do any of those tasks on her own. Google Activities of Daily Living (ADLs theyre called) and see how she compares.