Why do the ones we care for turn on us?

Amen, here too. I am 1500 miles away from my Mother and that is for the best. I am certain that she treats the help at rehab, better than she would treat me or my sister.

Thanks Daddydaycare

Daddydaycare sounds like a wonderful person. We sure could use some!!

My husband also has no concern about his personal hygiene and would never bathe or change his clothes if I didn't make him do that. It is hard to have any sexual feeling for someone who doesn't keep themselves clean or who has forgotten how to connect sexually with you. My husband is rarely interested in lovemaking any more but there was a period of time when he was when I was really turned off by the whole idea. I feel bad about this but it is hard to feel romantic about someone who is often angry (to the point of being verbally and sometimes physically abusive) and who is not interested in a basic level of hygiene. It is so sad to lose what had been an important part of our relationship for many years but I can't relate to my husband in the same way that I did before he developed dementia. Some may think this is wrong of me, but I can't help the way I feel.

It is better to detach. An alien has taken over your loved one!! Freaky.
Don't take it personally--Draw the Line! Come to grips with the current reality!
It is a strange phenomenon but to survive the craziness, please realize it is about a brain failing, it's not about your relationship. So sad. I'm sorry:( xo

My MILs Dr. Finally told my husband after I've been telling the Dr. That my MIL is very abusive towards my her caregiver and the am caregiver in the am. I have been having such problems with my MIL getting her bathed and dressed its putting a great strain on my health . I'm in constant pain and with my MILs resistance and struggles its put me in pain just trying. So her Dr. Told my husband that from now on HE needs to be changing her and for me not to be doing it anymore unless I have help and to just leave it to my husband. She also told him his mo. Is basically just existing and nothing more we can do only just comfort care (she will be 90 I. June w late stage Dementia), I had been letting the dr. Know in confidence since I've been taking care of her for the past 4 + yrs what's been and has been going on. Dr. Has been very frustrated as well because I've been doing all the work taking care of my MIL I was very Thankful she had a talk with him and let him know I shouldn't have to be taking abuse from his mother and since she's an angel around him and her daughters then he can handle it from now on. My husband seems to think its funny and made a joke in fro t of the dr. I raised my hand with my brace to show the dr it wasn't funny for me the Dr. Didn't find it funny either that's when she told my husband from now on he can change her depends and clothes and baths. I just hope it lasts cause its just to much for me now.

My mother turns on me also. She is in a nursing home facility and has been doing some really strange things like yelling/screaming for Amanda. We don't even know an Amanda. My mothers situation has a lot to do with, in my opinion, the antibiotics. I was told by the physicial that once she is off the antibiotics for a certain period of time, they will test her for dementia to see to what degree this has progressed. That confirmed it for me that antibiotics do interfere with the mental thought process. Not sure if this has anything to do with your mom, but just in case... I hope it helps a little. If not, store the info away because it may be pertinent in the future.
I have a co-wrkr whose mother is in the same facility, and when she was put on antibiotics, her dementia worsened considerably. Once she came off them, she resumed a more normal life - as normal goes for her. I think this may be my mother's issue but do not know if she is still on the antibiotics or not. I am waiting for a call back from her nurse.
The only thing you can do is walk away for a while, as hard as it is to do without getting angry yourself. I know my feelings of anger do surface because I just can't understand it when it happens as this is all very new to me.......... VERY NEW!!!
I agree with donnacecilia, the more you attempt to calm them down, the more agitated they become. I watched my brother try to "reason with her" and he would not listen to me, finally he just gave in and figured out I was right! let it go, walk away.

You're sincerely welcome, AndreaAnn. And thank YOU, seven13. I'm sure you're both wonderful, yourselves. Have a gr8 day, and God Bless.