Why did it take me until age 60 to wake up?

Your family is being selfish and mad at you for moving because they no longer can tap you for handouts, help or whatever they demand of you. I had to set boundaries a long time ago "no, i won't lend you money until you pay back the loan of 15 years ago that is still due" - somehow i'm the a$$ hole because they mismanage money and i won't give them more.

Don't feel guilt - people that have your best interests at heart will be happy for you when something good happens in your life.

Yay, SpiritDancer! Enjoy your new found knowledge and happiness. Just remember being the “bad guy” in the convoluted, twisted world of narcissists is never bad for you.

Spirit - I feel for the situation you are in. I too, had to deal with being the 'problem solver' and finally learned that instead of letting myself get dumped on, I posted a note right on my phone so that when I was called for another 'get out of trouble' call, I would listen and then say very nicely - 'That's terrible. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?" And then listened for their reply. Amazing how fast the calls for help stopped coming. LOL

Spirit better late than never. Your family sounds a lot like mine. Sometimes it takes us a bit to get it all processed and figured out. I am happy you did. May God continue to bless you and through Jesus, our Saviour.
Best wishes.

Spirit
You know you are not 'the bad guy' From their point of view you may appear so but it no longer matters what they think.

You and your family should be first, always. We had to do something similar in the past, best move we ever made.

Hugs for you and yours :)

I'm right behind you. If we have love in our hearts, I think we will overlook bad things and carry the hope we can work out a harmonious resolution. After (figuratively) being hit in the head with same stuff over and over, it just finally sinks in. I could have written your post. When you always feel worse about yourself after being with someone, it is a warning sign. When you are drained by being with someone, it's a warning sign. When you have nothing left for yourself & your family ... it's time to let them go.

Thank you for the reassurance. I was at my wits end when I finally came to this conclusion.

As I say when "Well intentioned friends and family " tell me all the gossip, yep, I'm the bad guy, I'm good with that far easier then being a doormat! My family turned on me like a pack of rabid wolves when I made the choice to move 400 miles away to be with the love of my life, it was so hard because of all I had done for them. I actually thought they would be happy for me, whew, that was an eye opener, 20 years later and I'm still the bad guy. I believe that Jesus had to bring me out of that situation so I could hear Him, praise The Lord. He shows me everyday that the choice was the right one. God bless! You too, did the right thing for you and your family, only The Blood of Jesus makes my family, hello sister.

Kimber, you are so right, when I last "loaned" my brother money I made it clear that I couldn't do it if he could not pay me back on payday as this was my rent money, he promised, then promptly disappeared, leaving me to find my rent. Years later after his very sick son was born, my dad took me from the airport to hospital, what I did or did not want never mattered, so in walks brother and I'm like, meet you at the car dad, I was still mad that he would be such a jerk and not care if I had a roof over my head or not. Daddy dearest pulls brother aside, gives him the money to pay me back and I'm suppose forget and be so greatful. Yea, maybe if it would have been my brother taking responsibility for his actions but, nope not with daddy paying the bill 3 years later. I had already moved to my love and found my Lord, I just had not learned to forgive yet.

I know don't you hate that it took you this long. We are not responsible for our siblings once we r adults. I am not rich nor am I poor but I watch where my money goes. I don't believe in these "go fund" accounts. Right now one is going for a neighbor who needs a liver transplant. What! This couple has a house that is paid for and one at the shore. She has SS and a state pension. He has SS and a pension from a large company who called him out of retirement to come back to work. Because he is over 66, he now can make as much as he wants without SS penalty.

I am lucky that no siblings have come after me for money. Just have one SIL who assumes we can afford. I hate that.

Keep sticking by your guns. I bet those crying poor have weird priorities. Like a friend of my daughter's, he bought a new bow and arrow but didn't pay his water bill. Because they can't handle their lives, doesn't mean it your responsibility. It's ur parents fault. Enjoy your life and ignore them.