From an outside perspective, as someone who was never married, I think it's good the husband has support in caregiving to her... in whatever form that takes. B. Smith is gone - her mind and who she was has been taken from her and what's left is a simple person who needs care. However she gets better care is what's better for her at this point in her life. That's over-simplified perhaps, but that's what it comes down to for me.
When I attempted to post this at first, I got kicked out of the forum and this post did not appear. I did not use this headline.
As to the subject matter, as someone else said, his relevance flowed from his wife's success. Making it public was bad form. Unless someone else was going to and he wanted to get ahead of it.
Not every one reading their story will have the wealth. And bad things will come from making public this arrangement, I think.
I have a problem with the fact she cannot consent.
It's the fact that it has deliberately been made public that I find so distasteful, as though they are trying to self righteously promote this as a good option. Yes, it happens, but I don't think the current "anything goes" mindset is anything to celebrate.
I sort of feel that if this was a woman taking care of her spouse, and she moved her lover in, boy would people be hating on this! I feel more discretion is needed, and personal things should be kept personal. But I somehow think this happens way more than we see. How often do people remarry fast after their spouse passes? As in within months? I know of several couples who remarried in a few months,
I don't fault him for seeking companionship and taking care of himself, but allowing his girlfriend to get involved is something I don't think B would want, if she could consent. I wouldn't want my husband too. Go out and do what you need to, but keep it separate from what's going on with me. It just feels like he's taking advantage of a situation and the worst part is he's made it public...something SHE CAN NOT CONSENT TO. Nope. Not good at all.
Gut reaction... Not my business And having cared for my Husband for 12 years this is not something I would do but if I were the one ill I would not fault my Husband for seeking companionship. He was not the type to do so so I do not know if that clouds my feelings and or thoughts on the subject. I know I would not feel right about being "the other woman" in this trio. And there is no way I would have started a relationship with a man that had a wife that was still a wife. I do believe in Karma...and you reap what you sow. I am not one to pass judgement on someone else, there is One that is a little (ok, maybe a lot) more knowing than I am and I will leave it at that.
I find this story disturbing as well. I happened to come across their book at the library a couple of years ago, and found it quite moving. Sad for B. Smith.
I find the B Smith story particularly insidious, far more than some others I’ve heard and known. Her husband is a beneficiary of B Smith’s very successful career, at some point in their relationship he became her manager and left behind whatever he previously did. So he’s living well from her talent and success. I don’t respect those who ride the coattails of others. Add to this that in his time of caregiving there was never a need to make his new living situation public, he could have easily continued to care for his wife and had his live in girlfriend all in private. But his ego wouldn’t allow it. He had to go public and loudly show off that he could snag a new, younger woman while still claiming to be altruistic in being devoted to his wife. He needed the world to know that while his wife was slipping away, all his needs were still being met. B Smith is being made a mockery of, her life and leagcy deserve better, especially from someone who was supposed to care the most
We have pretty much had this discussion when asked by a couple of men previously.
ALZ/Dementia is a horrible desease eventually stealing away who the person was/is. The diseases can go on for years leaving the spouse lonely. The person they are caring for doesn't even know who her/his spouse is. I think men find it harder than women. I have also wondered why friends aren't enough, why does it need to be someone of the opposite sex? Validation? Or just the natural order of things.
If you look at this from the marriage vows, its death do us part, sickness and in health. But what happens when the person is a shell. The memories are gone as is the mind. Dying little by little.
The first man who asked this question his wife was in a facility with ALZ. I think a little companionship was OK. Someone to have dinner with a movie or just talk.
The other guys wife I think had a debilitating desease and was still home. He wanted to date. My response was what excuse was he going to give her why he was out all night. I said no
Now you have a man with his ALZ wife still leaving home and he is bringing in another woman. NO! How disrespectful can you be to bring a woman into your wife's home when she is still there. There was no love in this marriage to begin with if he can treat his wife like this. Poor lady. Oh and the lady moving in, I have no respect for her either.
As to the subject matter, as someone else said, his relevance flowed from his wife's success. Making it public was bad form. Unless someone else was going to and he wanted to get ahead of it.
Not every one reading their story will have the wealth. And bad things will come from making public this arrangement, I think.
I have a problem with the fact she cannot consent.
Not my business
And having cared for my Husband for 12 years this is not something I would do but if I were the one ill I would not fault my Husband for seeking companionship. He was not the type to do so so I do not know if that clouds my feelings and or thoughts on the subject.
I know I would not feel right about being "the other woman" in this trio. And there is no way I would have started a relationship with a man that had a wife that was still a wife.
I do believe in Karma...and you reap what you sow.
I am not one to pass judgement on someone else, there is One that is a little (ok, maybe a lot) more knowing than I am and I will leave it at that.
ALZ/Dementia is a horrible desease eventually stealing away who the person was/is. The diseases can go on for years leaving the spouse lonely. The person they are caring for doesn't even know who her/his spouse is. I think men find it harder than women. I have also wondered why friends aren't enough, why does it need to be someone of the opposite sex? Validation? Or just the natural order of things.
If you look at this from the marriage vows, its death do us part, sickness and in health. But what happens when the person is a shell. The memories are gone as is the mind. Dying little by little.
The first man who asked this question his wife was in a facility with ALZ. I think a little companionship was OK. Someone to have dinner with a movie or just talk.
The other guys wife I think had a debilitating desease and was still home. He wanted to date. My response was what excuse was he going to give her why he was out all night. I said no
Now you have a man with his ALZ wife still leaving home and he is bringing in another woman. NO! How disrespectful can you be to bring a woman into your wife's home when she is still there. There was no love in this marriage to begin with if he can treat his wife like this. Poor lady. Oh and the lady moving in, I have no respect for her either.