What to do with my mother's ashes?

Or........................
Don't tell anyone?

Then you can put them where ever you like.

Bit naughty? So what! Seems she was a bit nasty.

Sorry if this offends anyone, it is just what I think (no holes barred) I just hate bullies.

I second the scattering them over the ocean; she can be as salty in death as she was in life...

In all seriousness and dark humour aside the main thing is if you or anyone in your family would want to visit the ashes/her burial site? If not, don't worry about it too much. Either in the ocean, or turn them into the soil of your garden so she can help grow something beautiful for you to enjoy.

There are a couple laws [at least in Canada] about disposing of human remains, ash or otherwise, so might be good to read up on those for your area...and choose a private spot for the sprinkling.

Can you spread them over the ocean? Honestly if I had ashes belonging to someone I did not care for & I didn't want them, I'd just go to the beach and dump them in the ocean. But of course you might not be near the ocean.

Actually, CM, that would be a story for the grandkids (going sky high in a controlled explosion)! Lol I'm kidding, but the thought of it made me laugh. Certainly a way to be scattered.

Rofl...!!!

You wouldn't really do that, would you, Pepsee? Seriously?

Don't do that. It may be the church's duty to attend to its flock but it's a bit much if relatives just dump remains in the hope of a freebie funeral.

These are also not good times to be leaving unattended packages in a public place. You wouldn't want mother going sky-high in a controlled explosion by the security forces, would you now?

Hi only child, what a predicament to be in! I can understand you're not being comfortable with throwing it in the trash since, the body that's in that plastic bag in a cardboard box, is the body that created you. 

So, what I would do is take the little box, put a sticky note on the top that says... *cremains needing a resting place*. Then take it and anonymously leave it on a Pew in a large Church. Whatever they do with it...they do with it. But it's like giving her back to God. Best of luck to you.

OnlyChildCarer, does your Mum's parents have graves? You can check with the cemetery to see if your Mum's aches can be buried on top of her parent's casket. What about her husband's grave, or graves of siblings?

I plan to do that for myself. Since I am an only child, I now think I wish to be cremated and placed with my parent's graves. There are cemeteries that will allow an urn to be placed.

Boy, I’d hate to be so unpleasant that people are glad I’m dead! My parents have a big sendoff planned. They planned it and I’m just going to show up.

I want cremation, and whoever takes possession of the ashes can do what they want with them. Part of my ashes I want scattered in the Gulf of Mexico.

There are laws that prevent scattered ashes just anywhere. There are water tables, sanitary rules, etc in urban or suburban areas. (Health laws).

But in rural areas you could bury the remains secretly. It’s not ideal but would probably work out. Choose a spot that’s away from wet lands, kind of high up.

There are some cremation urns for sale on Amazon.

I am so sorry that your memories of your Mom are so sad. There are laws as to what you can and cannot do with ashes and each state has different laws. Here are some websites that I found:

Scattering Ashes Guide 2018: Ideas, Permits, The Ceremony, & More---hcremationinstitute.com/scattering-ashes/

What Are Some Prayers to Use When Scattering Ashes?--
www.reference.com/holidays-celebrations/prayers-use-scattering-ashes-add4304d19ea94cf
Prayers for scattering ashes often feature the scripture verse "... neither death nor life ... nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God ..." from the Bible. Prayers for ash scattering commonly include readings such as scripture, poems, or personalized words.
A popular reading from the Book of Common Prayer is "We therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection."
Some prayers used in ash scattering ceremonies reflect the setting of the burial. One poem for sea scatterings is "Alone I will not be, my comfort will come from the sea..." by Next Gen Memories.

An English Prayer Book INTERMENT (©Church Society 1994)
The Interment or Scattering of Ashes
churchsociety.org/docs/english_prayer_book/20_EPB_interment.pdf

www.everplans.com/articles/what-you-need-to-know-about-scattering-ashes

I hope that you can find something that helps you resolve or find closure regarding your Mom and allows you to move forward while still respecting your Mom as a person and human being no matter what her faults or failings were. God Bless!

Plant them. Under a nice shrub, if you like shrubs.

Take them to a river and mentally release your mother to the world. Oh. I see from Dr Google that there can be laws about things like that, so I recommend you look up "what do you do with Cremains?" and check regulations in your area.

My sister once told me an extremely rude joke about a widow's conversation with her late husband's ashes but I'm still pretending I didn't understand it.

Pondering... whatever you decide to do in practical terms, might it be helpful to you emotionally to regard the final scattering as a ritual of acceptance? "Blessed are you, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, the judge of truth." Your mother may not have been all one might wish for in a mother, or indeed in a human being, but she was herself and that was her right. You don't have to like her, you're still perfectly entitled to feel hurt and sadness and regret over certain memories; but this is simply about wrapping up her life. That you want to do it respectfully, if perhaps not affectionately, is much to your credit as a daughter and as a feeling person.

Mat be there is a spot or type of area that you have a small nice memory of being there with your mum?
Like she bought you an ice cream? At the beach? In a forest?
Failing that, somewhere YOU LIKE. Flower beds etc.

Good luck.

Dear OnlyChildCarer,

I'm so sorry, I know how hard this must be. I can imagine still wanting to be respectful but finding a good option is hard.

I know some cemeteries have an area where you can scatter them. I would check with the funeral or local cemetery or church and see what options are available.

I hope others can provide more suggestions.