What to do when sibling is claiming everything that was left to Mom from passing of my dad?
My brother is claiming everything that was left in survivorship to my mother. My mother is in the last stage of dementia and I am the POA/Caregiver. After the passing of my dad 4 months ago, I brought my mom home to live with me and my husband. My mother stated before her rapid decline to sell the house and gift grandchildren some money. I am willing to do just that. My brother is feeling that he is entitled to what my dad worked so hard for and has already taken vehicles and other expensive items that hasn't been paid for. There is a will to split everything 3 ways. My sister preceeded us in death so her son's will get her 3rd. I have yet to get anything from the estate. It is being said to get some funds from the sale of the house. Take care of my mother, pay off bills, pre-arrange my mom's services and put what is left in a trust until my mom's death. My brother is not able or responsible enough to care for himself. He is a drunk, addicted to drugs and fighting cancer again. He is no longer welcomed at my home because of the total dissrepect he has for me and my husband. He only calls to check on mom when he needs something. Should I feel quilty for paying myself for taking care of my mom? I have put my life on hold with my own health issues. My relatives-her sisters, brothers, grandchildren are saying to don't worry about my brother. I'm doing an excellent job at taking care of my mom.
Am I the only one going through this situation?
3 Answers
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You need to see an elder law attorney so that paying you is documented. Are taxes, social security, etc withheld from your payment? Or are you paid under the table? Is mom aware of this?
Sounds like a mess to me. Yes, bro is his own mess and you need him to be aware of the impact on mom should she need facility care in the next five years. Mom's assets are to be used solely for her care and well documented.
No gifts to children or grandchildren. That would disqualify mom from receiving Medicaid if she ever needs it. By all means sell the house, but no gifting, set the money aside for her increasing care needs.
Hospice is not a death sentence. She could improve, as some do, become ineligible for hospice. Hospice could last for years.
I would not "gift" any money now. Just in case Mom may need Medicaid within the next 5 yrs. If you sell the house, it needs to be at Market Value if you again need to place Mom in the next 5 yrs. What I suggest, is sell the house and put the money away in case Mom needs some care in the near future. What doesn't get spent on her care, can then become part of her estate. She should have made her wishes known in a codicil to her Will. Since she has Dementia she is not capable of doing this, and whatever Will she made prior will be the one probated.
Would be nice if what brother "stole" could be deducted from what he may eventually receive.
Get a trust and estate attorney and get her assets in a trust ASAP.