What sends you over the edge by the end of the day?

Finding a billfold, eye glass, for the 10th time and reminding mom no dialysis today. I just want quiet, Don't wanna go.to bank for.the 3rd time this week. who goes to.bank that many times? fir what?.geeeeee??mmaaaadddd. had to get n car and.drive off and take a break for a while.

What sends me over the edge at night is that after I have explained to a pulp what day it is, what are ee doing tomorrow, what to do with mom's dentures tonight and in the morning, answering for the fourth time "yes, mom, you took your bedtime medications already, good night.
I step into my bedroom exhausted, but lo and behold, as I am decompressing, brushing my teeth, she's talking to me at the hallway, asking what day is it?.......did you give me my pills? My husband is already in the bedroom and we're looking forward to talking alone, and uninterrupted for a few minutes, well.........that throws me over the edge big time. I try not to show anger, but at the end of a long day, it's so hard! I have an erase board in which I write what day it is every day. One in the kitchen, one in the hallway. Sometimes it helps, but mom forgets we have them, and forgets to look at them.
Many nights I crawl into bed in tears. Frustration, exhaustion, day to day boredom, and knowing that the future is not brilliant but that every effort will culminating in her passing away scares me to no end. I am doing what I can, and I don't want to have any regrets or what ifs. Mom is almost 91, so the road ahead isn't very long. M88

Ruthieruth, I have been waking up at about 4:30-5:30, unable to sleep. Started showering then, when I can.

getting him ready for the day, setting him down to eat, then getting in the shower myself, only to hear, "Im ready to go now, WHAT"S TAKING YOU SO LONG"....and i can't shower at night because someone is following me all over the place......

When I am tired and try to escape to my room for a short rest, that is when my Mom gets busy. It is almost as though if I am not doing something my Mom feels insecure or something and sets out on a mission to get me moving again. As she has fallen a few times in the last 3 months I cannot have any sense of peace if she gets up on her own. If I try to rest when she is sleeping she is awake almost instantly and needing something. I know logically that she is experiencing the symptoms of dementia and my presence is her security blanket but when I am tired it feels like she is doing it deliberately.

When my mom picks the end of the day to snipe at my hubs,,,, there goes any good things the rest of the day had... I used to spend the rest of the evening running back and forth trying to figure out what the heck is going on. But lately if hubs just shakes his head and says he has no idea what he has done.. I just let it roll. ( yep, I'm still upset but I don't beg for info) they are grownups, they can work it out...

Go ahead Assandache, pick a good one! You can do it. Or pick a whole barrelful!

If only I could pick just 1 thing,.......

Bringing this back up to the top

but HA HA the last time shee told me my mom was MY responsibility I told my mom that she has to move back to her home state where she has 2 daughters a sister and 20 grandchildren instead of living with just ME and my hubby 1300 miles away from the whole family.. Currently trying to get my mom I a good place and THAT sister is FURIOUS because god forbid she might actually have to do something to help her mother......

what puts me over the edge?? Hearing about her health problems REPEATLY day after day after day and my sister who wants to control my mom while she lives with me 1300 miles away and she only calls my mom 1 or 2 times a month and has enough nerve to tell me my mom is MY RESPONSABILITY now.....THAT really puts me over the edge,,,,

looloo Oh good gosh, don't let me get started on the donation solicitations, catalogs, and other assorted junk begging for money. I think this is the worse kind of elder abuse imaginable, hustling old folks for their money.

I had to get "mean" with Mama about sending money to all these people requesting donations. That is a whole story that is too long to go into here. But, getting "mean" was the only thing that stopped her.

katiekay Your sister posting old pics of your mom and dad on facebook and pretending to be the loving daughter has GOT to be very frustrating. I can't imagine how hard that must be on you.

I think staying away from FaceBook is a good idea. That will be one less frustration that you have to deal with since you already have enough on your caregiving plate.

pleasant1 I also sometimes chuckle on some of the posts because I can relate to them. They are so me and Mama I could have written them myself. I also have a few moments/things that make me cringe too. Sucking on the toothpick, constantly picking at her teeth is just ONE cringe-maker.

SusanA43, I can relate to your "over the edge" thing so well. I can't make myself a bite to eat and eat it un-interrupted without having to jump up and get something for Mama.

I have had to resort to making a bite to eat for myself and eating it standing in the kitchen, a bite or two at a time while going back and forth into the room where she's sitting.

I have taken my plate of food into the room where she is a couple of times and tried eating there, but that is a whole 'nother story.

My mom likes music. She used to play the piano but is unable to now, so I often put on Easy Listening or Big Band music on TV channel for her to listen to. Seems to keep her calm and relaxed.

Sometimes I have 2 songs going on in my head at once, believe it or not. I come from a musical family ...The best way I get them out is to play some really nice classical or jazz music without lyrics! Something really nice and easy and pleasant to listen to....

lmccathy, I do that myself. Not "Pop Goes the Weasel," but I get songs stuck in my head. I can't get them out and I sing them sometimes when I cook. I know it is anxiety making it happen. I imagine it would drive people crazy if they were around. It drives me crazy not to be able to stop the songs from playing in my head.

One thing that drives me batty is my mom's incessant humming of "Pop Goes the Weazel" or "The Wizard of Oz" while we are getting her shower, dressed, or eating. I know it is her own coping mechanism and I shouldn't let it bother me, but after hearing it all day, I must confess it does get to me by the end of the day. That and when she says, "You're not my daughter" when I just told her I was her daughter. Okay, now that's something that really does send me over the edge! But I am learning to accept the fact that she doesn't remember who I am anymore, perhaps never will again, and that trying to argue with her about it just makes it worse! So I do my best to refrain.

Zara - unfortunately, not - there's no way to edit or add once posted. One of the features that many other forums have - but this one doesn't.

What sends me over the edge, wow that is funny. I am over the edge before I get up, not in the evening. Its fear what will happen next as I am lying in bed. I am thinking of going to the Family to Family support group that NAMI is starting here. Maybe that would help deal with Relatives Impossible.

Jessie, sometimes I think you and I were separated at birth. LOL Or maybe our moms were.

True to her normal pattern, when I got firm with her about the shower and put my foot down about it, Mom decided she wasn't going to the party - too tired, just don't feel like it. I knew it. But now she's been sitting up for over an hour watching tv - too tired to shower or do anything else, but not sleeping, either.

This makes me think of something my mother does that makes me crazy. We'll have something planned for the day -- church, a wedding, going out to eat, or whatever. She'll say she doesn't feel up to going. I'll check back with her and she'll say no, she isn't going. Then when we have just enough time to rush and get ready, she'll come to my door and tell me that she thinks she'll go, after all.

One more "over the edge" thing to add to the list:

Mom's ping-pong ball game.

Lay down. Pop back up 10 minutes later. Sit there and stare out the window for 10 minutes. I suggest a shower - she says "in a minute". Sits for 10 more minutes. I suggest the shower again - she says "give me a minute". Sits for 5 more minutes. Then says, "I know I shouldn't, but I'm going to lay back down." Lays back down. Pops back up 10 minutes later and the whole thing starts all over again.

I work from home, and my desk is in the living room. NOT by my choice - I caved to her request to have it there so she'd have company all day long. I much prefer to be by myself when I'm working, so I can focus and not have the tv noise, her bodily noises and all other distractions in the background driving me nuts. Add in her little ping-pong ball game of popping out of bed every 5-10 minutes and I'm fit to be tied by the end of the day.

This is not an every-day thing, but about once a week, she has a day like this. Unfortunately, today is that day. It is also a shower day and we have a birthday party to attend this afternoon. I will be very shocked if she decides to go to the party - her normal pattern is to resist the shower until I get absolutely pissy with her about it, then she decides she doesn't feel like going to whatever we had going on that day.

It's a wonder I ever get any work done at all.

I get up at 7am and it starts. And its goes on til about 9pm at night til i give her here night time meds. But whats takes me over the edge is when i think i can finally relax for a min. And as soon as i lay down not to sleep just to wind down she calls again. And then when i get in her room she doesnt remember what she wanted.😠

Alexander4, I can relate! Alone time is so precious. Uninterrupted time is Wonderful! This is particularly hard for us who already have distractability, as we are responding to emergencies all day. One suggestion -- sometimes a large (big bold colorful) visible reminder can help. Try to get a show or DVD he can watch at the same time every day. Settle him in the easy chair with a warm cocoa and put a large sign on a bulletin board next to his TV that shows three pictures of you - one resting, one doing laundry, one cooking. Put a large moveable arrow on one of them. This is similar to what "Nanny Jo" did to help children move their markers through tasks. Only this will be to show him that you are busy and will only be available again when his show is over! Try putting a massage pad on his chair, or his feet on a massage pad or foot bath or something on a timer, so an enjoyable treatment that he has to sit there until it is done. Hopefully, this will buy you some time for yourself. T'here are DVDs and CD's for Dementia care which help alot too, as these DVD's can keep their attention when they can't follow a tv or movie. Bless you! Let me know how it works out if you try it!

Sorry I vented twice! I thought my first comment did not get posted, but I was wrong!

I can relate to most of the comments, but the thing that bugs me the MOST is not having enough time to myself! The only way I seem to have quiet alone time is to get up at 3:00 a.m., which I did this morning! My husband has moderate Alzheimer's, and wants to know where I am and what I'm doing every minute. If I leave the room, he either follows me, or turns down the TV volume so he can hear me. If I go downstairs, he finds a reason to come down, if I am on the phone, he needs to listen, and many times he will shout to me in another room. Between all of this, our little dog has similar behavior, but is easier to manage! So, I will continue this pattern of early rising, so I can do some laundry, work on the computer, or just sit quietly until it starts all over again! I know it won't change, but this is my venting period!

I can relate to most of the others, but the one thing that bugs me the MOST is not having time for myself. It is now 3:00 a.m. and I here I am alone! During the waking hours it seems I never have a moment - even when I go to the bathroom. My husband has moderate stage Alzheimers. He needs to know every movement I make. If I leave the room, he either follows me, or mutes the TV so he can hear me. When I am out of sight, he pounds on his chair constantly. Thus, the only quiet time for me is 3:00 a.m. until he wakes up. Sometimes he will awaken, see that I'm not in bed, and get up right behind me. I understand this, but it's hard to live with!

What now sends me over the age is when this forum now says "viewing most helpful answers" and the postings are no longer in order.... the post I wrote 2 days ago is now *newer* then the one I wrote 29 hours ago. And when that happens on other postings, you will see an answer that doesn't make sense because it became out of order :P