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It is (was) 4:45 pm here in Texas and I am counting the minutes until bedtime. Today has been extremely busy. I have been on the move since I got up at 9:00 am this morning. The entire first part of the morning was devoted to Mama, her needs, her wants, her everything. It was possible because my almost 5 year old grandson was not here. He was at school.

I left at 1:00 pm to pick up my grandson from school and returned home about 3 pm. The cycle started all over again, bringing, fetching, carrying, feeding, medicating, and on and on. This time there are two of them. My grandson was born a preemie with several medical issues himself. Topping his list of issues is his 13+ allergies. If that is not enough, he has the serious and DEADLY PEANUT allergy.

I could go on, but I will stop here, for now. I just wish bedtime would hurry up and come. I am so tired I could sleep for three days straight. Is it bedtime yet?

What should I do first? Should I eat? Would a good hot shower first be better? What would YOU do as soon as the two of them go to bed? What sends you over the edge by the end of the day?

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In the past few years since caring for my parents [even though they still live alone in their home] I find way too many things that send me over the edge by the end of the day. Having OCD doesn't help :P
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My days are very busy doing little things. I work morning to evening and never really get anything accomplished except the things I do for my shop. Most things I do don't bother me a lot. There is one thing I do twice a week, though, that I absolutely hate -- taking out the garbage. I don't know why it bothers me, since it isn't hard to do. I think it is because the day is winding down and I'm thinking of cooking dinner. Then I remember that there is one more thing -- taking out the garbage. It is the straw that may break this camel's back one day.

Have to add that unless I was really dirty, I would eat before I went to bed, then lie down with a good TV show or book. You can always shower tomorrow morning.
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I know as soon as I enter my Mom's room in the morning to start her medications, bath, changing. physical therapy, etc. etc. I will be running in and out most of the day until her nap, then I run out and do errands, do paperwork etc, then run in and out again until evening. I often think I am done with my work and want to finally sit down and read the paper....and then see there is more work I forgot about like dishes or putting laundry into the dryer etc. etc. By early evening I am completely exhausted! I read a book for awhile before I go to sleep and then I am up again at around midnight to check on Mom and empty her catheter bag again. I sometimes forget to eat supper!
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freqflyer I also end up with too many things that send me over the edge, I don't find THEM though. They find me. And, I think I have a slight case of OCD myself. All the labels on the spices in the shelf must be facing forward or else I am not a happy camper. The dish towel has to be wrung out and hung just right over the edge of the cabinet or else. There is more, but I think I am afflicted with it. Oh well.
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JessieBelle the one thing I hate most is washing up a ton of dishes that I did not dirty up. I do it without complaining though because they mostly belong to my grandson, put there by my daughter. I can not complain because she does so much to help ME with mama (her grandma) that washing grandson's dishes is the least I can do to help her out.
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Katie222 I forget to eat sometimes too. I always say after I do this or that or the other I will eat. When I finally look around, the whole day is gone. Many times it is midnight or after before I finally get to eat. I cannot even concentrate enough to read anything meaningful. So, I do something mindless like playing Spider Solitaire to clear my cluttered mind.
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for me, it would have to be mom's sundowning. The non-stop pacing for hours... the almost insane look in her eyes as if's she's on a mission, which she probably is and one I will never quite understand.

ha, I have mastered the 2 minute shower and have gained such an acute sense of hearing (listening for mom during the night as she either fell or is talking to her imaginary friend non stop) I can hear the garbage trucks 2 blocks away... thus I run it frantically out and haul the cans to the curb. Another 38 seconds of my life gone yet more stressful than doing my taxes.
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JeanetteB I hear you on the pacing and I understand how that would cause concern. My mama is the total opposite, she sits in one spot ALL DAY LONG. The weather has been so bad for so long we have not been able to do her daily walks. I will be glad when the weather is better so my son can take her outside to walk again.
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My "over the edge" thing probably sounds very mild compared to the rest here, and I'm sure it is, but it's enough to drive me batty some days. There are just some days when all the little details make me insane.

Mom has this uncanny ability to wake up and need something just when I've settled down to work on something (I work from home) - so that disrupts the flow of my work. If I make myself a bite to eat, thinking I can have a single meal, no matter how small it is, to myself, without having to jump up and get something for her....ha! Nope. She'll wake up and want to know what I'm eating and want some too. Even if she's not hungry. She just wants what I've got.

After she eats, the incessant sucking of food out of her teeth begins. That's usually the last straw for me. I put on my headphones and block things out for a while. I can still see her and see that she's ok, but I can't hear the food-sucking noises anymore.
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There is no such thing as mild in this situation... for anyone!!

fuzzywuzzy... does your mom show any signs of sundowning? Gads how I'd love 4:00 p.m. to roll around and she sat still.

Susan... I have to clip her toenails tomorrow. That's right up there with the sucking/smacking sound.
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SusanA43 OH! MY! GOD! Sounds like you have a clone of my mama. Her thing though is picking her teeth all day long, it starts after breakfast. When she is not actively picking them, she is sucking on the toothpick ir has it just dangling out of her mouth. She has perfect teeth and they are ALL her natural teeth.

Mama wants everything I have so much, I lie when she asks about it.
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JeanetteB I'm not familiar with sundowning. What is it?
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I copied just a small snippet of sundowing. I see your mother suffers from AD? Not every evening is a bad evening... 4 out of 7 ? However, my mother is in late stage so it doesn't take much to set her off into panic mode. Only G rated cartoons for us! :)

Sundowner’s Syndrome is the name given to an ailment that causes symptoms of confusion after “sundown.” These symptoms appear in people who suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease or other forms of dementia. Not all patients who suffer from dementia or Alzheimer’s exhibit Sundowner’s symptoms, however. Conversely, some people exhibit symptoms of dementia all day which grow worse in the late afternoon and evening, while others may exhibit no symptoms at all until the sun goes down.
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JeanetteB Thank you so much for explaining Sundowner’s Syndrome to me. There are no signs of it here. Mama is usually in bed by sundown or headed to bed shortly after sundown. Her dementia exhibits off and on throughout the day and, I don't know what stage she is in.
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Something I do to make my life easier is I cook every afternoon at 5:00. My mother starts getting ready for bed at 8:00, so it is good timing. It gives her time to get cleaned up and to watch another Waltons episode before bedtime. :) For me, it imposes order and ends my day of doing "one more thing." The time after dinner is mine. This has worked for me for five years now through my mother and father. I think having a schedule is important, not only for the people we care for, but also for ourselves. When dinner is over it is the end of my shift. Mom and I may watch some TV together, but I'm not working.
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JessieBelle I have found that plans and schedules help tremendously. I like your plan and how it seems to work for you. My daughter takes care of meal planning for Mama. She started out cooking meals herself, then she found a friend/young man who is a body builder and chef. He prepares healthy meals and sells them. We started buying these for Mama. These meals are a lifesaver! And still, the journey is tough.
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Sorry I had to chuckle on a few of your posts since I can relate to them, I have a few myself that make me cringe when with my mil.
1) sucking the food from teeth ( she
declines the offer of a flosser or
toothpicks)
2) constant throat clearing ( oh no she doesn't want water)
3) food spitting when talking when eating then having the lingering piece of food hanging on the lip.
4) and also the never fail cough without
covering your mouth, especially at dinner.
5) watching television show she narrates non stop from the characters to whats going to happen. We know she has seen it
a hundred times and so have we but nothing else is on the other 250 channels..lol
I know these mannerisms don't just bug me but my hubby also. He says I cannot eat with mom it ruins my appetite and my meal. For the tv issue its a no win either, mom has a death grip on the remote..lol

I knew that we were not alone, so thanks for sharing.
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What sends me over the edge? It's never the same thing, but there are constants:
Having to go through the mail 6 days out of 7. It's not a big deal in the scheme of things, but most of it is donation solicitations and catalogs for my mother. I've been working like crazy to get her off these lists, and they just keep coming. I have to handle it every day, because if I don't, I'll have a mountain of mail in a few days.
I also have to go through all her magzines and remove every subscription card, because she'll re-subscribe and "gift" people with subscriptions.
I know it's not major, but at the end of a long day, it's one of my least favorite things to do.
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I know what you mean, looloo. And every two weeks I wheel the recycle bin to the curb. It is filled with that unsolicited junk mail. It is better now, since we never order or donate through the mail. My father was a compulsive catalog shopper, so we used to be swamped.
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Ack - Jeanette, don't remind me! I have toenail duty on her next shower day. Soak the feet. Scrub the feet to try and get rid of the YEARS of dead skin build up, which now looks like elephant skin. Cut the nails. Then just about barf when I hear a CRUNCH and look over and see the cat EATING a toenail. Vacuum up the toenails, empty the soaking bin and try to return to normal. lol
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fuzzyknot, yes we both must have a bit of OCD, or just plain common sense... I, too, all the label face forward.

I had a meltdown on day when my sig other was placing new groceries into the pantry.... instead of placing the new can goods behind the previously bought can goods [like soup], he was placing the cans in front.... I tried to explain that the new stuff goes in back so you use up the older stuff before it expired. He looked at me like my hair was on fire, then the sniping back and forth began.
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Yikes, Susan....is the cat ok!? Now I am going to be thinking of that when I do the pedicure later which is a few days overdue now!! ....
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I'm OK in the afternoon and evening, but it is the morning when I am the most wired up, and I'm sure it is from my coffee in the AM (caffeine). Speaking for myself, if I could totally eliminate caffeine it would make a big difference. I've tried in the past to gradually cut back, but I've always gone back to it, and, unfortunately have more coffee on days when I am tired. I've heard caffeine is a nervous system stimulant, and that is the last thing caregivers need!
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What puts me over the edge? That last meal of the day...............as I'm feeding MIL she opens her mouth very wide for the spoon and all the slobbery stuff is in plain view etc. That's what gets me..........and when it's all over, my stomach churning.....I go to the other room to eat my supper.
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hahahahaha!!! Ohmagod, Susan!!

Today IS the next shower day for mom... now I don't wanna do it!!
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Katie - that cat could eat arsenic and survive, I think. But barfs if he drinks 2 drops of cream. LOL He's just an odd one, that cat.

Mom's shower day was today, 4 days late, but I was too busy this week to fight that battle and she was not feeling well for a couple of days, so I let it slide. But with the funeral today and her Valentine's surprise coming this morning, a shower was a must. So she was up, showered and dressed by 8am.
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What sends me over the edge is the constant interruptions from the 88 year old and the 5 year old, pulling at me from different parts of the house, so that I burn the meal, or lay things down that I'm carrying, and lose them, which is the last straw! It makes me feel scattered, even though I'm not. I am going to invest in babysitters so I can get regular sleep. Even a nap or a bath. And uninterrupted thinking time.
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I've also noticed that when she's been in a rehab facility, they did not answer right away. So why do I feel I must when she's home? Because I cannot bear her cries of discomfort if I can do aught to relieve them. So I run, right away, every time.
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What sends me over the edge is almost anything that doesn't go right, from the toaster taking too long, to the long lines at the bank, to Humana calling me all the time. The littlest of things.
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fuzzyknot I have one suggestion for you -- Put on a Disney movie with double headphones for both your mom and grandson. Possibly, you can get a good hour's nap! Or a series on Netflix or Youtube -- which keeps cycling to the next episode and the next...you might get a 90 minute nap!
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