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Father-in-law is in a wonderful assisted living facility. He recently lost his drivers license (we had already taken the keys a year ago) and is insisting on going home. I’m sure he would need 24 hr care but know he would just fire them. His home is 45 minutes away making it impossible to check in everyday. He is mad, throwing tantrums. We want him to be happy and safe. He will not listen to reason but he is still there enough to understand. Do we have to legally declare he is incompetent? Help.

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DCH, usually when someone with dementia says that they want to go home, the home they are referring is their childhood home.... back when life was simple and fun as a child.

My Mom [98] did that when she was in long-term-care. It took me awhile to realize that is where she wanted to go. She finally gave me clue. Then she was asking about visiting her parents and her siblings. I had to use "therapeutic fibs" such as saying "your parents are out of the country, they will be back next month", "Betty is on a church retreat", "Grace is working overtime this week", etc.
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DCHA13 Apr 2019
thank you for responding! I wish that was the case...he however is for sure meaning his current home.
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How did he end up in AL? Can you remind him of all the reasons it was a good idea?

Has something changed recently that he is finding difficult to adjust to? A new caregiver, change in diet, weather changing creating the have to do list?

My dad said he would rather die in the Walmart parking lot than live in a home. He managed to facilitate a move on his own and at the rate things are going, that might be his ending. By law I could do nothing, so I wait for the crisis that changes everything.

It is so difficult when you are in that period of time that they deny any problems and are still with it enough to make life he11.

Best of luck getting him to stay put.
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DCHA13 Apr 2019
Thank you for replying! I think we are kinda in the same boat. We had noticed a few things that we were keeping eye on - but Dad was able still care for himself. Until he had shoulder replacement surgery- that exacerbated what we found out was vascular dementia. He couldn’t even walk out of hospital that he had walked into. He was sent to rehab facility and from there to Assisted Living for respite/nursing care. He is still with it enough to understand he wants go to his own home, but no doubt he can’t take care of himself and has gotten aggressive. Like your Dad, ours has said maybe he will just kill himself on several occasions. Can we stop him from going home or are our hands tied?
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Do you have POAs in place? If so how do they read? Immediately upon signature or when he is found no longer able to make informed decisions. If he can no longer make informed decisions and a doctor will back you up, your POA becomes effective. He may be aware today but a week or a month from now he won't be.

Tell him for now, this arrangement works for everyone. He has a nice apt and 3 meals a day. Interaction with others. You can visit which u wouldn't be able to if he lived in his home.
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