We are both sick. Can I leave without guilt?

I know ur a woman from your post but looks like your profile is incorrect.

Do you own the house? If so and partner is not on the deed, then sell it, giving him papers that say he needs to move out by a certain time. Ask the Realtor if he can represent u in the eviction if ur partner refuses to leave. U can give temporary POA for this purpose. That way you can leave when u want to.

If you want to move home, do it. And you reasoning is sound. You too are ill and cannot take care of him and he can't take care of you. He has support there and you need to go home where your support is.

Go gracefully by finding resources he may be able to use. The County Office of Aging may help u with this. Ours provides Senior bussing and aides if he fits the income requirements. Medicaid has "in home" help but then again, he has to have a certain income.

Do not allow your leaving to drag on. If the house is not yours, then moving will be even easier. Explain to him that he has never made you a priority that's been his family. And that's OK because they now can care for him because you don't feel you owe him anything at this point. To make moving easier, give him the furniture. Only take your personal stuff and what you need to start over. Sell things.

If you don't make this move, you will regret it. Your gut is trying to tell you...time to go.

How to leave gracefully:

Don't argue and place blame.

Explain that you have chosen a different path than him.

Don't say anything in anger, no matter what anyone says to you.

Handle the house and belongings as a business deal. What's his is his and what's yours is yours.

Take care of you and don't worry what him or his family thinks, they haven't cared about you in ten years, they ain't gonna start now, so don't believe any sentiment expressed to manipulate you.

Change is hard, so decide on a course of actions and stick to it.

Best wishes for an easy transition.

Put your home up for sale and leave. Inform your partner of your plans and that you are moving back to family. If this causes you guilt, so be it. I think, however, that will be overriden by knowing you will be back with your family and with those who support and love you.

Is someone telling you that you should feel guilty about leaving?

You answer most of your own questions - you’re not married, the relationship is bad and always has been, and your partner has never put you first. No guilt involved in leaving. There is nothing there which gives even the faintest hint you have any obligation to stay. You have no connection to his family so are unlikely to ever see them again, so any guilt you would have would be only that which you choose to carry, and based on how you describe the relationship, that should be none.

On the more practical side, your profile says you own the house (assuming you are the “Cindy” being cared for). Evicting your partner may be a hitch in the plans. Your state does not recognize common law marriage, so your partner is likely legally considered a renter/roommate. This is a case where a divorce may have been easier as the laws and protocols are in place for dealing with such a breakup. You may need to consult an attorney anyhow for the best procedure to remove this person so you can sell your house and leave.

Please choose to care for yourself in whatever way you know is best. There’s zero reason to stay in a place or with a person that’s not good. Guilt is for those who’ve done wrong, that’s not you so don’t let that false emotion in. Tell your partner you’re going to leave and care for yourself, and then don’t argue or discuss it again. Your partner has his own family to help, it’s time you make this break. I wish you well in changing life for the better