We are 81 years old. We need to move to a small apartment and need to sell 55 years of stuff. Emotionally so difficult. How do we do this?

professional clear out homes realtor

My grandmother did it VERY slowly. A dresser, a drawer, a closet or a room at a time. Whenever one of us stopped by for a quick visit, she referred to her list and solicited help for a quick sorting project. (Literally a drawer or less at a time!). My sister digitized photos. My gm put out notices to the children and grandchildren for what she was getting rid of and offered months for those who were out of state to pick things up. She just placed whatever back where it had been packaged up with a post-it with the recipient's name. I stayed with her for a week to give home care a break after she finished the process. It amazed me how empty things looked and felt. I found post-its and stickers with our names on what she wanted to keep until her death. It amazed me how absolutely relieved and satisfied she was about having everything squared away. It was almost like the opposite of nesting. She lived for almost another decade!

Take picture for memories.
Do not be surprised when others don’t want your things.

Don't forget the neighbors.

My neighbor gave me a work bench that his Dad had made in the coal mining part of PA. Everytime I walk through the garage I have fond memories of my neighbor when I see the work bench and we use it too.

Pomodoro technique https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique

Set your cell phone or clock timer for 25 minutes. Work on project 25 minutes in morning and another 25 minutes in afternoon.

Start with the LEAST EMOTIONAL THINGS. If least emotional things are garage stuff start there. If least emotional things are your coat closet start there.

Continue to work on the least emotional things. You will gain confidence as you go.

Mom had a kitchen back splash of dutch delft tile. I knew I needed to replace it to sell the house. She had such joy when she bought the tile and she loved that back splash. For 6 years I worked on other less emotional projects. After 6 years I was finally able to replace the tile with a more contemporary glass tile.

As said by many readers, decide to keep, donate, sell or trash and it takes emotional time to do. You can do it!

I used to work at Goodwill and I rarely donate what cannot be resold. I will go to a walking-distance clothing and shoes drop off container with exercise too! I live in a condo and have left several unwanted items in the lobby and also picked up good items from unknown neighbors! Many upscale items go to my local Goodwill for sale. I do not do garage sales since I live in a unit without a garage.

This is undoubtedly one of the most challenging transitions a person can face. Moving after 55 years in one home, filled with a lifetime of memories, is a monumental task, both physically and emotionally, especially at 81. Please know that your feelings are valid and completely understandable.
Here’s a breakdown of how you might approach this, blending practical steps with emotional self-care:
1. Acknowledge and Allow Your Emotions:
* It's Okay to Grieve: You're not just dealing with "stuff"; you're dealing with memories, identities, and the passage of time. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anxiety, or even anger. This is a significant life change.
* Share Your Stories: As you go through items, share the stories behind them with family or friends. If you're doing this alone, perhaps jot down a few notes or even talk out loud. This can help process the emotions tied to each object.
* Focus on the Future: While it's hard to let go of the past, try to also think about the positive aspects of your new, smaller apartment – perhaps less upkeep, a new community, or being closer to amenities.
2. Plan and Pace Yourselves – It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint:
* Start Small: Don't try to tackle the whole house at once. Begin with one small area, like a single drawer or a small shelf. This will make the task feel less overwhelming and provide a sense of accomplishment.
* Break it Down: Divide the task into manageable steps. For example:
* Week 1: Sort through the linen closet.
* Week 2: Tackle one bookshelf.
* Set Realistic Goals: You have 55 years of accumulation; it won't be sorted in a weekend. Be kind to yourselves and set achievable targets for each day or week.
* Schedule Regular Breaks: This is emotionally and physically taxing. Plan for short breaks during your sorting sessions and take days off entirely.
3. The Sorting Process – Decisions and Destinations:
* Create Categories: As you go through items, try to categorize them. Common categories include:
* Keep: Items that are essential, deeply sentimental, or will fit and be used in your new apartment. Be realistic about space.
* Sell: Items that have monetary value but you no longer need or have space for.
* Donate: Items in good condition that charities or others could use.
* Give to Family/Friends: Special items you'd like to pass on to loved ones. Have conversations with them first to ensure they want the items.
* Discard/Recycle: Items that are broken, unusable, or no longer have value.
* The "Maybe" Box: If you're struggling with a decision, create a "maybe" box. Store it for a short period (e.g., a month). If you haven't missed the items or found a need for them, it might be easier to let them go.
* Consider Your New Space: Keep the floor plan and storage capacity of your new apartment in mind. This will help guide your decisions on what to keep.
* Digital Memories: For items you love but can't keep, consider taking photos of them. You can create a digital scrapbook of memories without needing the physical space.
4. Getting Help, You Don't Have to Do This Alone:
* Family and Friends: If you have supportive family or friends, don't be afraid to ask for their help. They can assist with the physical labor and provide emotional support. Assign specific tasks if that helps.
* Professional Organizers/Senior Move Managers: There are professionals who specialize in helping seniors downsize and move. They can offer hands-on help with sorting, packing, coordinating sales, and even setting up your new home. This can be a very worthwhile investment to reduce stress. Look for members of the National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM).
* Estate Sale Services: For selling a large quantity of items, an estate sale company can manage the entire process, from pricing to hosting the sale. They typically take a commission.
* Consignment Shops/Online Marketplaces: For valuable items, consider consignment shops or online platforms like-eBay-Facebookmarket

Going into an independent living facility we face the same issue. Clothing not worn in 6 months or more is being donated. Giving kids his tools(not working on cars anymore) Only keeping 4 place settings of tableware, one set of pans (2 sauce pans, 1 dutch oven, 1 frying pan, 1 square griddle pan), coffee maker, 1 set steak knives, poultry scissors, 1 spatula, 4 glasses, 4 coffee mugs, 4 cereal bowls, 4 soup bowls, 4 dish towels & dishcloths, small eletric mixer, 1 meat fork, 1 slotted spoon, 1 cake pan, 1 cookie sheet, 1 rubber spatula, 1muffin pan. 1 TV for living room, 1 for bedroom. Donating patio furniture & fireplace screen and tools, 2 out of 3 end tables, 2 desks and chairs. Going through 51 years of photos & throwing out meaningless scenery shots. Donating curtains, blankets, and towels that aren't needed. Donating knick-knacks, wall art, bric-a-brac, board games, a multitude of books, cookbooks, throw rugs (tripping hazards)
If you're holding onto things that are memorabilia from kids and grandkids or even great grandkids ask your children if they would like them. If you have a bunch of costume jewelry that you rarely If ever wear, donate it. Do you have collections that are just gathering dust, it's time for them to go, the same for dvd's & cd's, records, etc.
Garage items, get rid of most of it. Do you garden or use yard tools? Hire someone to do your landscaping. If cooking is achore, there are multiple meal services out there. If you don't drive anymore, sell the cars. There's always Uber & Lift. Walmart and many pharmacieshave delivery service. Think of the money you will save in gas and insurance premiums alone. There are so many ways to easily downsize and save money too. Basically, if you don't use it, lose it.
Basically if you don't use it, lose it.

First, ask your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and friends if there is anything you have that they would like. Have them come and get it.

Then, start by emptying every cabinet, closet, and piece of furniture of the "stuff" inside. Only keep important documents and a few representative photos.
Everything else can be tossed.
It may feel emotional in the moment, but it will feel so freeing after you have started letting go of things.

Pick a few of your favorite small furnishings and decor for your new home.

Rather than selling piece by piece online, I would try and arrange an estate sale, or if you don't need money for your furnishings, you can find a local charity which will come pick up everything.

See if your family, friends, neighbors, or church members will help with the task.

Hire someone to help you. This is first. Many have experience in these areas: OH...how I wish I could ... as this is one of the kinds of work I love to do.

Realize that 'in the moment,' you will feel the ATTACHMENT ... although KNOW that once you let it go, you will likely not think about things you've let go.
Sure ... some you might but 99.99% you won't.

The more you spend time looking at things, the harder it will be.

Consider the relief you will feel when you are resettled in a new smaller apartment.

Make a sign ... mantra

"Others will get lots of enjoyment from this and this makes me feel really good."

Best if you do not go through EVERY LITTLE THING. Tell whoever helps you that you want to keep xxx (to look at and consider 'together') and let xxx go so they can just do it. Be sure to be very discriminating with the 'keep to consider' items ... don't hold on to stuff that you really do not need or will not use.

DO consider family and what they may want. This will help with the sentimental things.

There are many people who need what you not longer have any use for - you will be doing a major service by recycling / passing on things you no longer need.

CONTACT: Nursing Homes / low-income retirement homes for:
Paintings, prints, art - for hallways and individual rooms.)

CONTACT: grade through high schools:
Pens, paper, scissors, etc). They always need these things.

CONTACT: Non-profits. They always need a lot of things ... tvs, office equipment, furnishings ... kids' supplies.

I am doing the same with less / different circumstances.
I do give things away to people / organizations that can recycle.

It helps me feel much better knowing that others will enjoy what I give them.
Try to think of this aspect often.

Gena / Touch Matters (Oh ... I wish I could help you).

Photos helped us. I enjoy photos of the old knick-knacks even more than the actual knick-knacks. I kept one smfigurines, each of 3 dish sets. I'm glad those stacks are gone! It's also a good art project for someone who enjoys drawing or painting. Have an aspiring artist draw an old dish pattern, figurine, or piece of furniture, and keep it in a scrap book or frame it. Its not the object itself, but the feeling you get thinking about it.

Pass along those valuables you were going to "gift" through your will as inheritance. Sort through the rest and toss/donate items that are broken, worn out, don't fit, unusable... Then, think about furnishing that "cute apartment" with just enough so you feel like you are on a luxury vacation. If you have a hard time parting with something you can't use in your apartment, box it up and put into storage. Empty unused items seasonally from storage until storage is empty and usable items are stored in/near your apartment.

We moved into our (hopefully) forever home and are going through this process too.

Imagine your family having to go through your stuff while they are grieving. You don't want to put them through that, so it could help you be more ruthless. This is the thinking behind Swedish death cleaning.

Another thing to do is write down your daily activities. Then write down your favourite belongings that enable you to carry out those activities - your favourite cooking utensils, your favourite hair care products/tools, your favourite clothes etc. Then, you get rid of all the other cooking utensils, hair care tools, clothes etc. They either get donated or thrown away.

Imagine how much easier your lives will be if you have less to take care of, less to clean, less to tidy.
Make life easy on yourselves.

Also - under no circumstance move it to storage. Then you’re just dealing with it twice. Don’t make it harder!!

While we are not moving soon, I am asking our daughter and son to come and help us get our home declutterred and organized. We are 83 and have lived in our current home for 32 years. We trust their judgement. Some items that has memory value they take home with them. Other items especially clothes go to Goodwill. This summer having adult grandkids to help clean the attic.

Humane society and animal shelters and rescues often need and want towels, wash cloths, linens, and plastic containers for storage and other food bowls. I take my deceased dad’s clothes, socks , t shirts, shoes, to a local nursing home with mostly indigent residents. Just drop it off clean in plastic bags at the front desk. They can sort through what they need and want. Also magazines and books to the nursing home. Local thrift stores also take kitchen ware and linens and clothes. Furniture is tough. Lamps and small side tables can go to thrift stores. Larger items require some calls and planning for what organizations will accept them.

It’s an ongoing process at our house as we don’t want to leave a mess behind once we’re gone. One thing I’ve discovered after losing both parents, having their stuff doesn’t heal the wound, it’s them I miss, and now I’m hanging on to far less. And I’m now thinking of having less stuff as having more freedom, a shift in mindset, instead of mourning stuff, enjoying the freedom of not being bogged down in it all

I am similar to you. I have a hard time letting material goods go. I kept on telling myself, it is just material goods...what is important in life is relationships. However those are just words....

I like the earlier post of moving somewhere, then eliminating what you cannot keep.

I had to move to be near my elderly Mom. Due to logistics, I decided it would be easier to buy all "new" stuff (via auction, craigslist, facebook marketplace, etc) rather than ship it. The items I ended up moving to the new place were unusual....the wooden spoons and silicone spatulas (that were no longer available in the size and configuration that I liked), the garlic slicer, my seasoned cast iron frying pan, my Yeti tumbler that had my last job's logo and slogan, etc.

I rented a storage unit to keep the things I really wanted at my old place and gave away what I thought I would no longer need. I gave it away to hospice, animal thrift shops and a lot went to Habitat for Humanity that would use my household stuff plus used sports equipment.

On the final day before I left my home "forever", the movers came and I prioritized what would go into the storage unit....anything after that was going to be donated. That last day was really, really hard as some furniture items that I didn't want to donate, had to be donated as there was no room left in the storage units for it. Yes, I rented a 2nd after the 1st couldn't hold everything.

...however, it did get done.

What would I do differently? I would have hired help to box all the items that I knew that I would keep. It took way too much time for me to box and pack those items, then move it to the storage unit. As stuff moves out, I found new stuff that required a decision. I used the guideline of "if it hasn't been used it in 6 months, then toss"....however, there are somethings that qualify that I didn't want to give up.

If you have the means, I would rent out a small storage unit close to where you are moving to. Store items that you are just unsure of or need only when visitors come over to stay with you. Make sure you leave a pathway to get in/out of it. For me, the goal was to leave an empty house.

After you move, go visit the storage unit, continue to pare it down. Afterwhile living in your new home, you will know what you really need, then after a year, you will be ready for another downsizing.

This is very tough, and mentally overwhelming (I have a tendency to become very tired if I'm emotionally stressed).

However, I am a better person and know a lot more about myself, now that I've gone through it. It forced me to make decisions about my future.

...and now that my Mom has passed, I will be doing the "moving" process again and looking at the stuff that I had kept, all those years ago to decide what will move to my "new" home. Just the idea of going through this again (even though I knew I was going to have to do this), causes a lot of anxiety in me.

Good luck to you....and remember, you will come out a better person after all this is done. You CAN do it.

What a great question.
Thank you so much for asking it~

There are people that can go in and help you declutter . Personally because I have dealt with emptying Out apartments - I would donate Good clothes and items to a schizophrenic House where I knew these people really added clothes, Kitchen ware , etc. Because then you Know It is being Passed onto people who will appreciate it. I have Placed ads On Craigs List for free and a Homeless man took all my brothers clothes and Boots and we Packed them In a suitcase . It made me feel good to help another person . I had a single Mother come and Pick up a bed and Bureau she really needed it for her son . recently I decided to empty Out the front bedroom and Paced a ad On Nextstore.com and got 6 people come to Pick things up . Over the years I Moved and always had Plants I would give to people under free on CL . It Can be done . From my Mothers items I have her Photos and some jewelry and furniture . Took Me a full week to clean Out her apartment and then another trip to get Furniture and I was really exhausted No one helped me . My son Hired a clean Up crew to come in for $650 . I didnt Have it In me to finish up But I did send back letters, Post cards , Photos to her friend's and relatives . People do Not realize how difficult it is to clean Out a apartment . One woman I met told me " her dads stuff was still in His House and 6 years had Passed and she dint have the heart to move anything . " It Can be done . Find a Place where people really need things .

For the things that are hard to get rid of for sentimental reasons, take pictures of them. Then you have the photos to remind you of the memories, and you can let the objects go. This helps me release things much more easily.

I would say don’t torture yourself going through all of it. Instead, take what you can to the new apartment first. It won’t be much if it’s small. And the rest of it? It’s just stuff. Memories are in your mind - not in that stuff. What’s left in the house can then be removed via an estate sale or some other service that does these downsizings. You are doing your heirs such a favor. Nobody wants our stuff! It’s just burdens we pass on to others because it’s easier than doing the work to clean things out ourselves. If you needed to escape in a fire, what would the critical items you could carry in your arms be? Those are the items that matter. The rest is stuff weighing you down.

Try tagging everything you would take to apartment. Then look for things that really mean something to you - from your parents, family, etc. Offer to family with the story of the item. As you work through these items, look at the 'stuff' that is really meaningless like little trinkets that were gifted to you but have no real family value. Like coffee cups, dust catchers that kids or grandkids gave as a token gift for Christmas or birthday - no real meaning, but you held it because Little Joey gave it to you. Keep some pictures of family to put up as decor, but give the rest back to the family they belong to.
If you have some items you may not have room for but simply cannot part with, get a small storage room and store them. In your mind you still have it, if you later make room, use it, or just leave it in storage. Waste of rent money for storage, perhaps, but it will probably ease some anxiety knowing it will never be seen by you again.
You will probably be surprised by what you could easily sell in a garage sale and not be overwhelmed, leaving only cherished items to move to family members, dear friends, or use in your new residence.

First step, take photos of what you have on display or in china hutches, etc. Be sure to take note of which things you got from your own grandparents and parents. Make a list or write notes and attach to the table your father made or the dish remaining of your grandmother's wedding china. Anything that your own grandchildren may (or may not) be curious about. Some items will be too damaged or worn to be of interest to anyone else. Check with someone who knows to be sure they are not antiques and worth something in spite of their age. Probably, they are not. Take them to the dump so they will not be in the way. If you have been good about cleaning out once in a while there may not be much in this category, but there will be some just plain junk. Get rid of it now.

Pack up and move the things you are taking first. In my experience of several moves it is well worth hanging on to your current residence for a month or two beyond the time you take possession of your next residence. For one thing, it gives you a chance to change your mind about things. Like, the sofa doesn't really go in the new place as you thought it would. Or, there IS room for some cherished item that you thought would need to go.

Next, invite family to come and take what they want. Depending on their own circumstances they may take more or less than you might expect. (I ended up taking my MIL's dining room suite in spite of the fact that I had never particularly admired it because my husband and I had just moved into a mid-century home and her 1960 dining suite was perfect for it.) This is where those notes you took become very important. In my case, the piece of petrified tree that my mother had by her garden walk was nice, interesting, but not compelling until I found out that it was from the foundation of the barn my grandfather built when he homesteaded in North Dakota in 1908. It now resides next to my garden gate. In clearing out for my most recent move, my nephew was thrilled to get the pyrex bowls that I received as a wedding gift in 1969.

For the penultimate stage, either have a sale yourself or hire someone else to have an estate sale for you. Usually, it is a lot easier to let go of the things if you don't see them go. On the other hand, when I was having a sale before one of my moves I was thrilled that a young girl saw my roll top desk and just insisted that her father buy it for her, that it was so perfect. Made me feel a lot better about leaving behind the desk that just would not fit in the truck we were borrowing for the move.

Finally, have someone else--friends, relatives, or a hired team--remove all the things that did not sell and take them to Goodwill. Don't try to do this yourself, unless you really can't afford any other option. These are things that you obtained and treasured and dropping them off is really hard. It doesn't help much to remind yourself that somebody else will find them and love them. Instruct (and pay) the person(s) doing this final clear out to take everything to the dump that Goodwill does not accept.

Remember it’s just stuff. Ask your children first if they want anything. And grand children. After that’s done arrange what you feel can go to goodwill. Clothes extra cookware garden supplies etc. Take out and put in storage what you cannot part with and what you need for new apt. Then have one of your children help you with a garage sale or yard sale. Be surprise how fast stuff goes. What you don’t sale give to goodwill Believe me it will be a burden lifted after it’s all gone. What’s in storage look at it after one year and you will be surprised you did not miss it at all. So time for it to go too. Less is better. No worries. No stress. Hope this helps. Best wishes.

Yes, it's extremely difficult to go through and dispose of a lifetime of things, all with memories. You can hire a personal organizer or a company to help, or if you have a friend who is willing to help, that can also work. Professionals who organize estate sales might be able to give you an estimate of what is saleable and how much you'd get for it. Professional organizers usually say to make piles of things to keep, give away, sell, donate. Do you have valuable collectibles that can be sold? It's not that easy even to donate things like books, old records, old clothes, old appliances. Old bed linens and towels can sometimes be donated to animal shelters. How much cooking and entertaining will you be doing in your new apartment? Do you need all those pots and pans and tableware? If you are really sentimental about things that you know you won't use, take pictures of them for memories. Store all your pictures digitally on a flash drive. Also, try to go paperless for your accounts, if you have a computer and are able to do that. It's actually very freeing not to have all of those bills and paper statements in the house. You can view everything online now. I hope it doesn't happen, but if you have to move to an assisted living facility in your later years, it's best not to have valuables and personal papers in your apartment. Good luck!

Hire a company/person who does estate sales.

Fortunately, there are specialized moving companies for this issue! I've worked with one (and know of several) in my area. You can locate those in your area by Googling, "Senior Moving Services" -- these are people prepared to help you sort, sift, donate, sell and debride your 55-year accumulation of stuff. They can offer you support, help and sometimes they will haul away the things you no longer need in your life and brin them to a thrift-shop, donation center or even (sadly) the landfill. They won't have any sentimental attachment to your belongings (which is awesome) so they'll help you see what's important to keep & what's better left for some other purpose. I would urge you to start with finding such a service & establishing a relationship with one sooner, rather than later.

You may want to take a step back and try to look at everything from a different angle and ask questions about why it is emotional for you and you may be able to let go a bit easier of at least some of the items.

1. Why is it special?
If it is because of who gave it to you - offer it back to them letting them know you are having to make difficult choices. If they don't want it back it may be time to let it go.
You will probably acknowledge that you don't even remember where you got it or who gave it to you - that can help take some of the attachment away.
You can invite your close family and friends in to look around - tell them if they gave it to you, to please help themselves and enjoy the memories for themselves.

Begin setting things aside and as you have guests, offer for them to look at what you have already designated and maybe they will take some of it away.

This may eliminate many decisions right there. You should only take things with you that you know you will need or that really make you happy. If you really need something later, most things can be replace inexpensively... and you will probably find you don't need them.

2. If it does not have all its pieces, no longer work, you haven't even thought of it in years... it is probably time to get rid of it.

3. If you died today, your family probably would toss most rather than even selling... so if you can sell it now, do it while you can benefit from the money.

We had to do this several years ago and most of the things I had hung onto for my sons to pass to their children or I thought they would appreciate one day, they simply tossed them into the trash box. This was partly because we had to do it quickly to get moved. Start now offering things to your loved ones.

Here is an article I recently read that got me moving in that direction (again).
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/03/08/how-to-practice

The bottom line is you are not only doing yourselves a big favor,your loved ones also left behind will love you for it! Make a special keepsake box to hold really special small items, but only if you take the time to attach a note to each item saying why it is special... your loved ones will cherish those memories... or not, then they can dispose of them. Many small things can be put in a special display box together for you to look at and remember later.

How about when your mom moves to a new house and doesnt move all her stuff. She is a hoarder and apparently was told she wasnt allowed to bring all her stuff to the new house. She didnt pay her taxes on the old house. Old house goes to auction with all her belongings in it! She never makes arrangements to get her stuff and the new owner throws ALL of it out. Now I was dreading having to go through all her stuff thanks to the hoarding but losing all of the pictures and anything worth any money was not what I wanted either. So it is best to get rid of what you can while you are still able. Donate, sell or give away. Donations can be deducted against taxes if going to a charitable organization. It is emotional to let it go. But most of the time we dont need it. And most of the times now it is tossed out when you pass. These generations now dont care to keep so much. Do a little at a time. Best of luck!