Follow
Share
You start cleaning out. You are going to have to harden yourselfbor this will not go smootly. You take a room at a time. One pile for trash, one for give away and one keep. (the keep you can go thru again, you may find you changed your mind. Keep only those things you can use in an apt. Get rid of clothes that don't fit or you have not worn in years. Shoes and purses too.

You can have an estate sale.

If you do Facebook you can sell on a local yardsale site

You can donate everything to a thrift shop.

Habitat for Humanity will pick up stuff and sell it in their store.

If you have kids, let them come in and choose.

When I cleaned Moms house out, I had 4 boxes, one for each child. If I found something of theirs they had made for Mom and Dad and pictures I thought they would want, I put them in their box. Mom had kept the boys sports stuff, that went in their box.

Save pictures and important papers until you have time to sit down and go thru them. Bank statements need to be kept 5 yrs if Medicaid is ever needed.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

There is good information already suggested in this recent post: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/downsizing-with-no-help-from-family-493877.htm
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

Take pictures of your beloved belongings. Then donate to a charity, give them away, or throw out. You'll always have the pictures to reminisce with, but you won't be saddled with the actual thing.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

Work on it every day. It took my 84 year old neighbors a year. At the end they had their legally blind some come out to help the clear out the big stuff. He helped them for the last 3 weeks.

Start with the least emotional stuff.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to brandee
Report

Read ‘Swedish Death Cleaning’ by Margareta Magnusson (sounds depressing but it’s not) and ‘The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up’ by Marie Kondo.
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to LoopyLoo
Report

JTW9768, welcome to the forum. Ah, down-sizing. We are close to your age and we are starting our down-sizing journey. First, start with clothes. If there is something that you haven't worn in a year, think... do you really need it? Got a lot of books? I know it's hard to toss out a book, so donate to a library book sale or Goodwill. Goodwill will also take VHS tapes.


I got rid of my dining room set. Haven't eaten in there in years, so why have it sit around only to dust it? I donated it. If company comes, we eat out, or sit around the kitchen table :) Knick-knacks, they seem to multiply when we aren't looking. If I didn't remember where I bought it or who gave it to me, it got donated.


If you want to sell items on social media marketplaces, be very careful. Lot of scams happening. Ask for payment only in cash. The other ways of payment can be risky. Good luck in your downsizing.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to freqflyer
Report
Geaton777 May 26, 2025
Yes, it's a good idea to do a little scam research (or ask a younger person for advice) on how to navigate FBM, eBay, craigslist, etc. - in-person, cash-only transactions (and specify exact amount of cash only, which you will count in front of them). No bills over $20 (due to counterfeiting). - never have them come to your home if at all possible. Meet in a large store's parking lot during daylight hours & park up close where there are security cameras, Large money transactions should be in either your bank or theirs. - never agree to ship anything no matter what sob story they give you. Local sales only. - never accept if they offer to mail you a check (they send an overpayment and it becomes an elaborate scam), pay by Venmo (if you aren't experienced) or Paypal (ditto). Selling on Nextdoor.com is the safest (so far).
(2)
Report
See 2 more replies
Contact some local churches. They will know the right charities and may even offer hands on help.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to ShirleyDot
Report

When I was packing to move and before putting the house on the market, I would spend 20 min each day of either packing or figuring how to toss things. My kids did not want anything.
When you decide, consider donating rather than selling unless you have some high value items. In some locations, you might have pick up from the Salvation Army or Restore from Habitat for Humanity. When thinking about emotions, picture how happy some homeless people will treasure your items. I can assure you that once items are gone, so will the burden of attachment will feel lighter.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to MACinCT
Report

If funds allow put in storage until you settle in new place and release that stress first maybe
in the U.K. we have places that will collect items vintage which I imagine if you’ve had fir 55 years would be and they just buy it from you
Other stuff that’s too much trouble to sell give to charity
a lot of charities will collect
arm yourself with lots of large bin bags
look to see who you can get onboard to help you otherwise
if you had someone with vehicle a boot sale might be a good place to start
just be careful you look at the stuff - sone vintage stuff. May be worth money
good luck
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Jenny10
Report
Frenchie36 May 29, 2025
Do not put it in storage and leave it for your family to deal with
(9)
Report
My father just passed and I, as the executor, is left to deal with a hoarder situation in his shop. My brother is taking what he wants, and selling what he can. After that, we are hiring a clean out company who will take it down to the walls and a swept floor. I'm sure they will recycle and sell what they can. Fortunately, there is enough money in the estate to hire the clean out company. Please deal with it before your kids have to and it goes in the dump.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to JR2555
Report
KNance72 May 29, 2025
We hired a clean Out company after I did what I could in a week and Move furniture . Cost $650 .
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
We think of it as a gift to our children so they won’t have to do it after our deaths. Also, if you invite one of them at a time, you get to enjoy the memories with them while you’re still alive. It was a pleasure rather than a pain.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Jdjn99
Report

I have dear friends who own their businesses, one is Assisted Living Locators here in Illinois. They will help you out of your home and find a new one that suits you to a "T". The other is Presto Real Estate. Presto helps pack, move your things to the new place, sell your home and help you pick a new home whether that be a condo or in a senior community. Use Google to find businesses in your area who will assist you in this stressful situation.

Best wishes and be well.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to TrishaAlvis
Report

I'm a Professional Certified Probate Specialist Realtor who assists families with these situations. For you it is overwhelming. Not sure what State you are in but there should be a Professional Fiduciary Association of your State. They are licensed to protect your assets during the transition and have all the help you will need to get your goal accomplished. If you can't find this in your state, tell me your state and I will refer you to the right people. We have a workable system that helps you feel in charge and have vendors that are trained in assisting you. We are used to hoarding situations, neglected homes, excess possessions, non helpful offspring, and a myriad of complications. You can interview for no cost and find the right bonded Fiduciary to help you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AngelaWhite
Report

I am an Aging in Place Design Consultant - what state are you located in? I am based in New Jersey. I may give you some suggestions on sorting out. Stay well, Judith.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Giudit17
Report
MiaMoor Jun 3, 2025
If you were going to give suggestions, you would right here right now.
Are you here just to advertise your business?
(0)
Report
Our things hold much in our memories. It's an emotional letting go. So hard. After being left with my parents' life-time accumulations to deal with (they were not even hoarders), and experiencing the enormity of the task, I decided to begin to clean out my own stuff for eventual downsizing and to not have a mess left for my sons. I had tried many times to get my mom to donate things she didn't need any longer and packed them onto the porch for Veterans to pick up. I found she had gone out and taken back many of them. Then moving her to assisted living and seeing how little of her things could go along, it hurt my heart. I too go through stuff and decide to keep most of it. But I did throw out some old paintings and drawings. Proud of that! So last summer my oldest son came over to help me with it. He talked me out of saving most of it again. But much still got saved. This summer he will come again. He said this time we'll put it all out in the driveway with a pile for Veterans, a trash can, and a few boxes for stuff family might want. He said very little will go back in. Okay, I'm good with that. I still have a studio full of very large work that I exhibit and he said he and all the grandsons will be absolutely fine with dealing with that part of my legacy when I'm gone. Right now I have a huge filing cabinet with teaching materials, so many years of intellectual thought and research, but I feel finally ready to throw all that out. I know downsizing is necessary. My husband and I are not capable of caring for this small house and yard, and then we have another larger house in the mountains, which he's been working on to get rid of stuff. He built that house himself and this house we live in most of time was my grandmother's house, so we both have very sentimental attachments to deal with, so I feel your difficulty with this important downsizing. I like the idea someone said to take photos of the things with special memories, but won't fit in the smaller place. Here you go down memory lane. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to ArtistDaughter
Report
AnnaKat May 29, 2025
Just a suggestion, if you can throw the stuff in the back of the car and drive it to a donation center, it will be impossible to bring it back. I used to go through the stuff my family put in the donation pile and recover most of it myself, I have stopped.
(2)
Report
My brother and I had to help our aunt downsize and move into Assisted Living in 2015. Then we had to do it again in 2019 for our mother.
The one thing I learned is that once things are out of sight, they become out of mind.
My mom went into AL then we had a living estate sale a few months later to prep for selling the house. A company was hired to have a 4 day sale. We were there to oversee for our mom. They had contacts with dealers, did the advertising, did the sales transactions and split the profits with my Mom. Afterwards, we donated things or tossed them. Mom was thrilled to get the cash.
I'm only 61, and I'm starting to purge or donate items/ clothes in my home. I don't want my family to go thru what I did twice. It's exhausting.
Object that are precious to the owner are usually "stuff to be dealt with" in the eyes of other family members. If there are things you don't want to keep, but do want to offer to other family or friends, do it now.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to JanPeck123
Report

Scan photos and important documents. They take up a LOT less room. There are screens that can be set up to show photos. But most importantly make MULTIPLE BACKUPS and keep in a safe space. I scanned at least 6 shoe boxes of pics and one draw of files. Not much in the scheme of things but every bit helps. Also have friends and family come through and see what they would like to take. If you have items you can't let go of now but family wants, put a label on the back and take a pic and note it.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to mikeindc
Report

How about when your mom moves to a new house and doesnt move all her stuff. She is a hoarder and apparently was told she wasnt allowed to bring all her stuff to the new house. She didnt pay her taxes on the old house. Old house goes to auction with all her belongings in it! She never makes arrangements to get her stuff and the new owner throws ALL of it out. Now I was dreading having to go through all her stuff thanks to the hoarding but losing all of the pictures and anything worth any money was not what I wanted either. So it is best to get rid of what you can while you are still able. Donate, sell or give away. Donations can be deducted against taxes if going to a charitable organization. It is emotional to let it go. But most of the time we dont need it. And most of the times now it is tossed out when you pass. These generations now dont care to keep so much. Do a little at a time. Best of luck!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Stayingyoung
Report

You may want to take a step back and try to look at everything from a different angle and ask questions about why it is emotional for you and you may be able to let go a bit easier of at least some of the items.

1. Why is it special?
If it is because of who gave it to you - offer it back to them letting them know you are having to make difficult choices. If they don't want it back it may be time to let it go.
You will probably acknowledge that you don't even remember where you got it or who gave it to you - that can help take some of the attachment away.
You can invite your close family and friends in to look around - tell them if they gave it to you, to please help themselves and enjoy the memories for themselves.

Begin setting things aside and as you have guests, offer for them to look at what you have already designated and maybe they will take some of it away.

This may eliminate many decisions right there. You should only take things with you that you know you will need or that really make you happy. If you really need something later, most things can be replace inexpensively... and you will probably find you don't need them.

2. If it does not have all its pieces, no longer work, you haven't even thought of it in years... it is probably time to get rid of it.

3. If you died today, your family probably would toss most rather than even selling... so if you can sell it now, do it while you can benefit from the money.

We had to do this several years ago and most of the things I had hung onto for my sons to pass to their children or I thought they would appreciate one day, they simply tossed them into the trash box. This was partly because we had to do it quickly to get moved. Start now offering things to your loved ones.

Here is an article I recently read that got me moving in that direction (again).
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/03/08/how-to-practice

The bottom line is you are not only doing yourselves a big favor,your loved ones also left behind will love you for it! Make a special keepsake box to hold really special small items, but only if you take the time to attach a note to each item saying why it is special... your loved ones will cherish those memories... or not, then they can dispose of them. Many small things can be put in a special display box together for you to look at and remember later.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to KPWCSC
Report

Fortunately, there are specialized moving companies for this issue! I've worked with one (and know of several) in my area. You can locate those in your area by Googling, "Senior Moving Services" -- these are people prepared to help you sort, sift, donate, sell and debride your 55-year accumulation of stuff. They can offer you support, help and sometimes they will haul away the things you no longer need in your life and brin them to a thrift-shop, donation center or even (sadly) the landfill. They won't have any sentimental attachment to your belongings (which is awesome) so they'll help you see what's important to keep & what's better left for some other purpose. I would urge you to start with finding such a service & establishing a relationship with one sooner, rather than later.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Pathfinder
Report

Hire a company/person who does estate sales.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Evonne1954
Report

Yes, it's extremely difficult to go through and dispose of a lifetime of things, all with memories. You can hire a personal organizer or a company to help, or if you have a friend who is willing to help, that can also work. Professionals who organize estate sales might be able to give you an estimate of what is saleable and how much you'd get for it. Professional organizers usually say to make piles of things to keep, give away, sell, donate. Do you have valuable collectibles that can be sold? It's not that easy even to donate things like books, old records, old clothes, old appliances. Old bed linens and towels can sometimes be donated to animal shelters. How much cooking and entertaining will you be doing in your new apartment? Do you need all those pots and pans and tableware? If you are really sentimental about things that you know you won't use, take pictures of them for memories. Store all your pictures digitally on a flash drive. Also, try to go paperless for your accounts, if you have a computer and are able to do that. It's actually very freeing not to have all of those bills and paper statements in the house. You can view everything online now. I hope it doesn't happen, but if you have to move to an assisted living facility in your later years, it's best not to have valuables and personal papers in your apartment. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to NancyIS
Report

Remember it’s just stuff. Ask your children first if they want anything. And grand children. After that’s done arrange what you feel can go to goodwill. Clothes extra cookware garden supplies etc. Take out and put in storage what you cannot part with and what you need for new apt. Then have one of your children help you with a garage sale or yard sale. Be surprise how fast stuff goes. What you don’t sale give to goodwill Believe me it will be a burden lifted after it’s all gone. What’s in storage look at it after one year and you will be surprised you did not miss it at all. So time for it to go too. Less is better. No worries. No stress. Hope this helps. Best wishes.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to DeeDeeW
Report

First step, take photos of what you have on display or in china hutches, etc. Be sure to take note of which things you got from your own grandparents and parents. Make a list or write notes and attach to the table your father made or the dish remaining of your grandmother's wedding china. Anything that your own grandchildren may (or may not) be curious about. Some items will be too damaged or worn to be of interest to anyone else. Check with someone who knows to be sure they are not antiques and worth something in spite of their age. Probably, they are not. Take them to the dump so they will not be in the way. If you have been good about cleaning out once in a while there may not be much in this category, but there will be some just plain junk. Get rid of it now.

Pack up and move the things you are taking first. In my experience of several moves it is well worth hanging on to your current residence for a month or two beyond the time you take possession of your next residence. For one thing, it gives you a chance to change your mind about things. Like, the sofa doesn't really go in the new place as you thought it would. Or, there IS room for some cherished item that you thought would need to go.

Next, invite family to come and take what they want. Depending on their own circumstances they may take more or less than you might expect. (I ended up taking my MIL's dining room suite in spite of the fact that I had never particularly admired it because my husband and I had just moved into a mid-century home and her 1960 dining suite was perfect for it.) This is where those notes you took become very important. In my case, the piece of petrified tree that my mother had by her garden walk was nice, interesting, but not compelling until I found out that it was from the foundation of the barn my grandfather built when he homesteaded in North Dakota in 1908. It now resides next to my garden gate. In clearing out for my most recent move, my nephew was thrilled to get the pyrex bowls that I received as a wedding gift in 1969.

For the penultimate stage, either have a sale yourself or hire someone else to have an estate sale for you. Usually, it is a lot easier to let go of the things if you don't see them go. On the other hand, when I was having a sale before one of my moves I was thrilled that a young girl saw my roll top desk and just insisted that her father buy it for her, that it was so perfect. Made me feel a lot better about leaving behind the desk that just would not fit in the truck we were borrowing for the move.

Finally, have someone else--friends, relatives, or a hired team--remove all the things that did not sell and take them to Goodwill. Don't try to do this yourself, unless you really can't afford any other option. These are things that you obtained and treasured and dropping them off is really hard. It doesn't help much to remind yourself that somebody else will find them and love them. Instruct (and pay) the person(s) doing this final clear out to take everything to the dump that Goodwill does not accept.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to LittleOrchid
Report

Try tagging everything you would take to apartment. Then look for things that really mean something to you - from your parents, family, etc. Offer to family with the story of the item. As you work through these items, look at the 'stuff' that is really meaningless like little trinkets that were gifted to you but have no real family value. Like coffee cups, dust catchers that kids or grandkids gave as a token gift for Christmas or birthday - no real meaning, but you held it because Little Joey gave it to you. Keep some pictures of family to put up as decor, but give the rest back to the family they belong to.
If you have some items you may not have room for but simply cannot part with, get a small storage room and store them. In your mind you still have it, if you later make room, use it, or just leave it in storage. Waste of rent money for storage, perhaps, but it will probably ease some anxiety knowing it will never be seen by you again.
You will probably be surprised by what you could easily sell in a garage sale and not be overwhelmed, leaving only cherished items to move to family members, dear friends, or use in your new residence.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to my2cents
Report

I would say don’t torture yourself going through all of it. Instead, take what you can to the new apartment first. It won’t be much if it’s small. And the rest of it? It’s just stuff. Memories are in your mind - not in that stuff. What’s left in the house can then be removed via an estate sale or some other service that does these downsizings. You are doing your heirs such a favor. Nobody wants our stuff! It’s just burdens we pass on to others because it’s easier than doing the work to clean things out ourselves. If you needed to escape in a fire, what would the critical items you could carry in your arms be? Those are the items that matter. The rest is stuff weighing you down.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Lmkcbz
Report

For the things that are hard to get rid of for sentimental reasons, take pictures of them. Then you have the photos to remind you of the memories, and you can let the objects go. This helps me release things much more easily.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to mom2mepil
Report

There are people that can go in and help you declutter . Personally because I have dealt with emptying Out apartments - I would donate Good clothes and items to a schizophrenic House where I knew these people really added clothes, Kitchen ware , etc. Because then you Know It is being Passed onto people who will appreciate it. I have Placed ads On Craigs List for free and a Homeless man took all my brothers clothes and Boots and we Packed them In a suitcase . It made me feel good to help another person . I had a single Mother come and Pick up a bed and Bureau she really needed it for her son . recently I decided to empty Out the front bedroom and Paced a ad On Nextstore.com and got 6 people come to Pick things up . Over the years I Moved and always had Plants I would give to people under free on CL . It Can be done . From my Mothers items I have her Photos and some jewelry and furniture . Took Me a full week to clean Out her apartment and then another trip to get Furniture and I was really exhausted No one helped me . My son Hired a clean Up crew to come in for $650 . I didnt Have it In me to finish up But I did send back letters, Post cards , Photos to her friend's and relatives . People do Not realize how difficult it is to clean Out a apartment . One woman I met told me " her dads stuff was still in His House and 6 years had Passed and she dint have the heart to move anything . " It Can be done . Find a Place where people really need things .
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to KNance72
Report

What a great question.
Thank you so much for asking it~
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to luckylu
Report

I am similar to you. I have a hard time letting material goods go. I kept on telling myself, it is just material goods...what is important in life is relationships. However those are just words....

I like the earlier post of moving somewhere, then eliminating what you cannot keep.

I had to move to be near my elderly Mom. Due to logistics, I decided it would be easier to buy all "new" stuff (via auction, craigslist, facebook marketplace, etc) rather than ship it. The items I ended up moving to the new place were unusual....the wooden spoons and silicone spatulas (that were no longer available in the size and configuration that I liked), the garlic slicer, my seasoned cast iron frying pan, my Yeti tumbler that had my last job's logo and slogan, etc.

I rented a storage unit to keep the things I really wanted at my old place and gave away what I thought I would no longer need. I gave it away to hospice, animal thrift shops and a lot went to Habitat for Humanity that would use my household stuff plus used sports equipment.

On the final day before I left my home "forever", the movers came and I prioritized what would go into the storage unit....anything after that was going to be donated. That last day was really, really hard as some furniture items that I didn't want to donate, had to be donated as there was no room left in the storage units for it. Yes, I rented a 2nd after the 1st couldn't hold everything.

...however, it did get done.

What would I do differently? I would have hired help to box all the items that I knew that I would keep. It took way too much time for me to box and pack those items, then move it to the storage unit. As stuff moves out, I found new stuff that required a decision. I used the guideline of "if it hasn't been used it in 6 months, then toss"....however, there are somethings that qualify that I didn't want to give up.

If you have the means, I would rent out a small storage unit close to where you are moving to. Store items that you are just unsure of or need only when visitors come over to stay with you. Make sure you leave a pathway to get in/out of it. For me, the goal was to leave an empty house.

After you move, go visit the storage unit, continue to pare it down. Afterwhile living in your new home, you will know what you really need, then after a year, you will be ready for another downsizing.

This is very tough, and mentally overwhelming (I have a tendency to become very tired if I'm emotionally stressed).

However, I am a better person and know a lot more about myself, now that I've gone through it. It forced me to make decisions about my future.

...and now that my Mom has passed, I will be doing the "moving" process again and looking at the stuff that I had kept, all those years ago to decide what will move to my "new" home. Just the idea of going through this again (even though I knew I was going to have to do this), causes a lot of anxiety in me.

Good luck to you....and remember, you will come out a better person after all this is done. You CAN do it.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to ChoppedLiver
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter