We are 81 years old. We need to move to a small apartment and need to sell 55 years of stuff. Emotionally so difficult. How do we do this?

It’s an ongoing process at our house as we don’t want to leave a mess behind once we’re gone. One thing I’ve discovered after losing both parents, having their stuff doesn’t heal the wound, it’s them I miss, and now I’m hanging on to far less. And I’m now thinking of having less stuff as having more freedom, a shift in mindset, instead of mourning stuff, enjoying the freedom of not being bogged down in it all

Humane society and animal shelters and rescues often need and want towels, wash cloths, linens, and plastic containers for storage and other food bowls. I take my deceased dad’s clothes, socks , t shirts, shoes, to a local nursing home with mostly indigent residents. Just drop it off clean in plastic bags at the front desk. They can sort through what they need and want. Also magazines and books to the nursing home. Local thrift stores also take kitchen ware and linens and clothes. Furniture is tough. Lamps and small side tables can go to thrift stores. Larger items require some calls and planning for what organizations will accept them.

While we are not moving soon, I am asking our daughter and son to come and help us get our home declutterred and organized. We are 83 and have lived in our current home for 32 years. We trust their judgement. Some items that has memory value they take home with them. Other items especially clothes go to Goodwill. This summer having adult grandkids to help clean the attic.

Also - under no circumstance move it to storage. Then you’re just dealing with it twice. Don’t make it harder!!

Imagine your family having to go through your stuff while they are grieving. You don't want to put them through that, so it could help you be more ruthless. This is the thinking behind Swedish death cleaning.

Another thing to do is write down your daily activities. Then write down your favourite belongings that enable you to carry out those activities - your favourite cooking utensils, your favourite hair care products/tools, your favourite clothes etc. Then, you get rid of all the other cooking utensils, hair care tools, clothes etc. They either get donated or thrown away.

Imagine how much easier your lives will be if you have less to take care of, less to clean, less to tidy.
Make life easy on yourselves.

Pass along those valuables you were going to "gift" through your will as inheritance. Sort through the rest and toss/donate items that are broken, worn out, don't fit, unusable... Then, think about furnishing that "cute apartment" with just enough so you feel like you are on a luxury vacation. If you have a hard time parting with something you can't use in your apartment, box it up and put into storage. Empty unused items seasonally from storage until storage is empty and usable items are stored in/near your apartment.

We moved into our (hopefully) forever home and are going through this process too.

Photos helped us. I enjoy photos of the old knick-knacks even more than the actual knick-knacks. I kept one smfigurines, each of 3 dish sets. I'm glad those stacks are gone! It's also a good art project for someone who enjoys drawing or painting. Have an aspiring artist draw an old dish pattern, figurine, or piece of furniture, and keep it in a scrap book or frame it. Its not the object itself, but the feeling you get thinking about it.

Hire someone to help you. This is first. Many have experience in these areas: OH...how I wish I could ... as this is one of the kinds of work I love to do.

Realize that 'in the moment,' you will feel the ATTACHMENT ... although KNOW that once you let it go, you will likely not think about things you've let go.
Sure ... some you might but 99.99% you won't.

The more you spend time looking at things, the harder it will be.

Consider the relief you will feel when you are resettled in a new smaller apartment.

Make a sign ... mantra

"Others will get lots of enjoyment from this and this makes me feel really good."

Best if you do not go through EVERY LITTLE THING. Tell whoever helps you that you want to keep xxx (to look at and consider 'together') and let xxx go so they can just do it. Be sure to be very discriminating with the 'keep to consider' items ... don't hold on to stuff that you really do not need or will not use.

DO consider family and what they may want. This will help with the sentimental things.

There are many people who need what you not longer have any use for - you will be doing a major service by recycling / passing on things you no longer need.

CONTACT: Nursing Homes / low-income retirement homes for:
Paintings, prints, art - for hallways and individual rooms.)

CONTACT: grade through high schools:
Pens, paper, scissors, etc). They always need these things.

CONTACT: Non-profits. They always need a lot of things ... tvs, office equipment, furnishings ... kids' supplies.

I am doing the same with less / different circumstances.
I do give things away to people / organizations that can recycle.

It helps me feel much better knowing that others will enjoy what I give them.
Try to think of this aspect often.

Gena / Touch Matters (Oh ... I wish I could help you).

First, ask your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and friends if there is anything you have that they would like. Have them come and get it.

Then, start by emptying every cabinet, closet, and piece of furniture of the "stuff" inside. Only keep important documents and a few representative photos.
Everything else can be tossed.
It may feel emotional in the moment, but it will feel so freeing after you have started letting go of things.

Pick a few of your favorite small furnishings and decor for your new home.

Rather than selling piece by piece online, I would try and arrange an estate sale, or if you don't need money for your furnishings, you can find a local charity which will come pick up everything.

See if your family, friends, neighbors, or church members will help with the task.

Going into an independent living facility we face the same issue. Clothing not worn in 6 months or more is being donated. Giving kids his tools(not working on cars anymore) Only keeping 4 place settings of tableware, one set of pans (2 sauce pans, 1 dutch oven, 1 frying pan, 1 square griddle pan), coffee maker, 1 set steak knives, poultry scissors, 1 spatula, 4 glasses, 4 coffee mugs, 4 cereal bowls, 4 soup bowls, 4 dish towels & dishcloths, small eletric mixer, 1 meat fork, 1 slotted spoon, 1 cake pan, 1 cookie sheet, 1 rubber spatula, 1muffin pan. 1 TV for living room, 1 for bedroom. Donating patio furniture & fireplace screen and tools, 2 out of 3 end tables, 2 desks and chairs. Going through 51 years of photos & throwing out meaningless scenery shots. Donating curtains, blankets, and towels that aren't needed. Donating knick-knacks, wall art, bric-a-brac, board games, a multitude of books, cookbooks, throw rugs (tripping hazards)
If you're holding onto things that are memorabilia from kids and grandkids or even great grandkids ask your children if they would like them. If you have a bunch of costume jewelry that you rarely If ever wear, donate it. Do you have collections that are just gathering dust, it's time for them to go, the same for dvd's & cd's, records, etc.
Garage items, get rid of most of it. Do you garden or use yard tools? Hire someone to do your landscaping. If cooking is achore, there are multiple meal services out there. If you don't drive anymore, sell the cars. There's always Uber & Lift. Walmart and many pharmacieshave delivery service. Think of the money you will save in gas and insurance premiums alone. There are so many ways to easily downsize and save money too. Basically, if you don't use it, lose it.
Basically if you don't use it, lose it.

This is undoubtedly one of the most challenging transitions a person can face. Moving after 55 years in one home, filled with a lifetime of memories, is a monumental task, both physically and emotionally, especially at 81. Please know that your feelings are valid and completely understandable.
Here’s a breakdown of how you might approach this, blending practical steps with emotional self-care:
1. Acknowledge and Allow Your Emotions:
* It's Okay to Grieve: You're not just dealing with "stuff"; you're dealing with memories, identities, and the passage of time. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anxiety, or even anger. This is a significant life change.
* Share Your Stories: As you go through items, share the stories behind them with family or friends. If you're doing this alone, perhaps jot down a few notes or even talk out loud. This can help process the emotions tied to each object.
* Focus on the Future: While it's hard to let go of the past, try to also think about the positive aspects of your new, smaller apartment – perhaps less upkeep, a new community, or being closer to amenities.
2. Plan and Pace Yourselves – It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint:
* Start Small: Don't try to tackle the whole house at once. Begin with one small area, like a single drawer or a small shelf. This will make the task feel less overwhelming and provide a sense of accomplishment.
* Break it Down: Divide the task into manageable steps. For example:
* Week 1: Sort through the linen closet.
* Week 2: Tackle one bookshelf.
* Set Realistic Goals: You have 55 years of accumulation; it won't be sorted in a weekend. Be kind to yourselves and set achievable targets for each day or week.
* Schedule Regular Breaks: This is emotionally and physically taxing. Plan for short breaks during your sorting sessions and take days off entirely.
3. The Sorting Process – Decisions and Destinations:
* Create Categories: As you go through items, try to categorize them. Common categories include:
* Keep: Items that are essential, deeply sentimental, or will fit and be used in your new apartment. Be realistic about space.
* Sell: Items that have monetary value but you no longer need or have space for.
* Donate: Items in good condition that charities or others could use.
* Give to Family/Friends: Special items you'd like to pass on to loved ones. Have conversations with them first to ensure they want the items.
* Discard/Recycle: Items that are broken, unusable, or no longer have value.
* The "Maybe" Box: If you're struggling with a decision, create a "maybe" box. Store it for a short period (e.g., a month). If you haven't missed the items or found a need for them, it might be easier to let them go.
* Consider Your New Space: Keep the floor plan and storage capacity of your new apartment in mind. This will help guide your decisions on what to keep.
* Digital Memories: For items you love but can't keep, consider taking photos of them. You can create a digital scrapbook of memories without needing the physical space.
4. Getting Help, You Don't Have to Do This Alone:
* Family and Friends: If you have supportive family or friends, don't be afraid to ask for their help. They can assist with the physical labor and provide emotional support. Assign specific tasks if that helps.
* Professional Organizers/Senior Move Managers: There are professionals who specialize in helping seniors downsize and move. They can offer hands-on help with sorting, packing, coordinating sales, and even setting up your new home. This can be a very worthwhile investment to reduce stress. Look for members of the National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM).
* Estate Sale Services: For selling a large quantity of items, an estate sale company can manage the entire process, from pricing to hosting the sale. They typically take a commission.
* Consignment Shops/Online Marketplaces: For valuable items, consider consignment shops or online platforms like-eBay-Facebookmarket

As said by many readers, decide to keep, donate, sell or trash and it takes emotional time to do. You can do it!

I used to work at Goodwill and I rarely donate what cannot be resold. I will go to a walking-distance clothing and shoes drop off container with exercise too! I live in a condo and have left several unwanted items in the lobby and also picked up good items from unknown neighbors! Many upscale items go to my local Goodwill for sale. I do not do garage sales since I live in a unit without a garage.

Pomodoro technique https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique

Set your cell phone or clock timer for 25 minutes. Work on project 25 minutes in morning and another 25 minutes in afternoon.

Start with the LEAST EMOTIONAL THINGS. If least emotional things are garage stuff start there. If least emotional things are your coat closet start there.

Continue to work on the least emotional things. You will gain confidence as you go.

Mom had a kitchen back splash of dutch delft tile. I knew I needed to replace it to sell the house. She had such joy when she bought the tile and she loved that back splash. For 6 years I worked on other less emotional projects. After 6 years I was finally able to replace the tile with a more contemporary glass tile.

Don't forget the neighbors.

My neighbor gave me a work bench that his Dad had made in the coal mining part of PA. Everytime I walk through the garage I have fond memories of my neighbor when I see the work bench and we use it too.

Take picture for memories.
Do not be surprised when others don’t want your things.

My grandmother did it VERY slowly. A dresser, a drawer, a closet or a room at a time. Whenever one of us stopped by for a quick visit, she referred to her list and solicited help for a quick sorting project. (Literally a drawer or less at a time!). My sister digitized photos. My gm put out notices to the children and grandchildren for what she was getting rid of and offered months for those who were out of state to pick things up. She just placed whatever back where it had been packaged up with a post-it with the recipient's name. I stayed with her for a week to give home care a break after she finished the process. It amazed me how empty things looked and felt. I found post-its and stickers with our names on what she wanted to keep until her death. It amazed me how absolutely relieved and satisfied she was about having everything squared away. It was almost like the opposite of nesting. She lived for almost another decade!

professional clear out homes realtor