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My Mom lives with me, she doesnt walk or talk, is incontinent. I puree her foods and thicken her drinks. She really hasnt changed much, it been like in 4-5 years out of the almost 8 years she has been here. One thing I have done it get mom on a schedule and she will poop on the toilet instead of a diaper. Although she cannot understand, I am trained to see the signs and also give her miralax, etc.
My problem is this...I lift mom into her wheelchair, feed her 2 hours, and then we are off to the bathroom. I lift her on the toilet and she straightens out her legs, a lot, slides down, leans over, etc. I am trying so hard to wash her poop up and hold her up at the same time. By the time I am done and I lift her back to her wheelchair I am sweating and exhausted. I do pay someone for week mornings and she is great but weekends are a killer with no help. I am burning out bigtime.
If I let her go in her diaper, it goes into her vagina, etc and is horrible to keep her turned in bed to clean it all up too. Help! What do you at home caregivers do????????????????????????????????????????
I am posting this 3 times for help. THanks

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I feel for you. I damaged myself very badly doing that work. The worst is when you are struggling in a bathroom that has no room or maneuverability. Definitely get a bedside commode. There is also a Hoyer Lift if you need it. How about paying an independent aide to be there on the weekends? I paid out of pocket for a CNA-in-training just to come for an hour, for $12-15.
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Howdy, stil hanging in here and thank you all for your 3 recent posts. I am 59, at least for a few more months and had to say the Saaaa6666666666660 word, yikes ! I will look up the bidet. Ive been getting 5 years back of bank statements and everything you can imagine trying to apply or choices or independence to get some help in here on weekends. She is not capable of letting me know , I look for signs mostly and knowing she had miralax 3 hours before. I thought of those transer chairs with a commode hole, but not sure i she will poop in it. haha she should I suppose? When I lift her onto the toilet vaboom, its like she knows.When I turn Mom in bed its a full turn and i it is part of her body rolls back. I stuf pillows under her back but its like she folds over some. . I give you all credit or changing in bed alone, for my Mom is so hard and she is like moving a large bag of sand!! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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This question reminded me of the time I worked as a CNA for a hospital. I had anywhere from 5 to 8 patients a day that I had to bathe, change diapers, bedding, get them up, get them down, and in wheelchairs and on toilets. Kudos to all the CNA's out there. I had one patient who would tell me she didn't have to go until I change her wet diaper for a dry one and then she would have her BM. Of all the jobs I've had in my 60 working years, being a CNA was undoubtedly the hardest, most back-breaking, unappreciated, low-salaried job I've ever had and I took about 3 years of it before I gave up and went back to accounting. Reverseroles, you don't say how old you are but I can tell you that you will regret all that pushing and pulling, twisting, holding etc. when you get older. I've already had back surgery to repair a disc and it was painful before the doc operated on me. If you can, check with either a medical supply co. for a wheelchair that doubles as a toilet and you empty the pot underneath, if she's capable of letting you know when she has to go. If I were you, I would hire someone who could come in 4 hours a day on the weekends to get her cleaned up, fed, toileted and either back in bed or in the wheelchair with depends or other diapers on her. It will be much easier to change a diaper than to pick her up and set her down, etc.etc. Some commenters have suggested excellent ways to handle toileting by just using a clean pad under her with the ends brought up between the legs. You can clean her by rolling her side to side and using warm bath cloths to wipe her and also to change the sheets. The reason I'm suggesting this is because if you keep doing what you're doing with the lifting, pushing, pulling, etc. you could be in serious trouble if you have a disc tear in your back. You could be down in the bed as well and then what would you do with your mother? Would putting her in a NH be an option? Or an assisted living facility? I know we all try to keep our loved ones at home as long as we possibly can but you're coming to the end of your rope. I would call Medicare, Medicaid, nursing homes, elder care in your community, a CNA, anyone who can help you keep from injuring yourself while caring for your mom. Touchmatters asked what do professionals do? In most hospitals, they call for the orderlies to come pick up the patient and put them where you want them. They have help from other CNA's to pick someone up, also use a transfer belt to help hold on to her. They also have equipment that lays on the bed (like trampoline material) and the patient lays on top of it. a crank is used to pick the patient up, swings her/him into the pool, or tub, or wherever and later picks them back up and transfers back to bed. The bidet is great when attached to a toilet. It has a nozzle aimed to your backside and when turned on, it shoots water up on you to help clean you. Turning your sink or shower hot water on usually warms the bidet water if your bathroom is cold. Good luck in getting some help.
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Reverseroles, just wondering how you are making out? Were you able to get more help? I know it is heartbreaking and frustrating when all of a sudden what worked for a long time now doesn't. Let us know how you are doing. Keeping you and mom in ky prayers
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With the toilet seat bidets, they plug in so the water (and seat if you want it) is heated. The Brondell Swash is the only model I know of that has a "wide" spray which might be useful. All of the electric ones out today have a stream (or multiple streams) that concentrate the washing in a fairly small area. They are great if you can "wiggle" around a little. Most of the modern seats have a moving nozzle so they wash you but the nozzle only moves front and back. There is a separate nozzle/streams for the feminine washing, which are very helpful to prevent UTIs.
Back to the Swash however, if you have a larger area to clean up, the wide spray can be very helpful. Cost of these bidets is around $350 to $600.
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I would definitely get back on the hospice services. You could get the services of an aide quicker then thru medicare if mom qualifies for hospice.
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Can she use a bedside commode? If so,.it would be a little easier on you.
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helpnga, I have thought the same about what you said, cleaning up on the bed and just letting her drop her bm's in the toilet (sort of speak lol) . I thought of getting a commode wheelchair but not sure if I can get her into it, if there is a bar behind her ankle area. I do have the squirt bottles as mentioned, it all worked for years but now that Mom just seems to want to lean to the side and stretch out out her legs, it is a battle alone. I only have one caregiver and she can do it. She doubles up a pillow behind her so she sits up super straight, almost leaning over a bit forward. I tried it but it doesnt work for me, I'm sweating bullets trying to keep her up, wash her bum and them Kaboom, she goes again once she is all cleaned or when I put the desitin/vaseline on her cheeks. Sometimes I need to push around her bm area to get her started, almost like popping a balloon, she doesnt know how to push it out , hence the daily miralax. Thanks all again. I am applying for medicaid home care next week but there is a 3-5 month wait to see if we are accepted. I have tried so many aides on my own who cannot even roll Mom in bed that I do not have high hopes.Maybe I will try a reclining commode chair because I can hoyer her into a chair that reclines easier, still thinking, thanks all !!! Someone asked how others do it and I can say that Mom is considered a 2-person assist, but a lot of times its just me. Hospice couldnt find any Aides who could do it and couldnt supply 2 aides so that went out the window a few years ago, she had it less than a week and they basically quit. ( PS moms 94) I know this sounds awful but I do want to say, Moms in bed now laughing her head off, at nothing. Shes in her won little world and just a sweetie pie, its this dam BM problem that gets to me, and of course, not being able to go out weekends, haha You all know, we love them unconditionally!
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Get an in home PT to help you come up with best way to transfer and clean up after tolieting. They can help you with advice on best equipment to help with transfers too.
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I agree with garden artist. A colostomy is a major operation which I would not expose to a bed ridden elderly dementia patient. I have heard of catherizing but not colostomy. We were given a very small bedpan for my mom. The top was flat and not rolled. Hospice told us this was more comfortable. Never had a chance to use it though.
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I just remembered when my dad was in rehab after back surgery they would fill a squirt bottle with warm soapy (no rinse type) water so he could squirt even if he couldn't reach to make sure he was clean. Might be worth a try.
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A colostomy to avoid messes? I question whether any doctor with a sense of responsibility would do that. And what justification would have to get insurance to pay for it? That's pretty drastic.
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I don't think there is one solution that can actually be good. I have heard of some people, have the doctor put in a colostomy, therefore no more messes. You just change the bag. Easier & Cleaner on the both of you. It also helps by not having to lift her. Save your back & less chance of dropping her.
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First I want to say thank you for posting this question and I feel your pain! My mom can hold onto a walker & stand from a bedside commode, we can't get her into bathroom. But her standing is getting bad, she wants to bend her knees, leans back & to the right and you feel like you've been in a wrestling match by the time you finish cleaning her from BM. One thing sometimes I just have to set her down and start over, sometimes it takes 3-4x before I'm done. I was wondering in your situation, it sounds like if she was laying down it might be easier to clean her, just not when it's the full BM you're cleaning. What if you let her go on the pot, then maybe wiped a little and put diaper back on. Then get her to the bed to finish getting her cleaned up? I know I've learned that for me even tho I usually am the type to want to push thru and hurry up & finish something, when it comes to mom sometimes it's easier to break it into tiny steps.
Also, I've seen a portable bidet on amazon(pretty cheap) that you fill with water(so you could do warm water) and looks like you just squeeze it out. Not sure how good it works, I wanted to try one for my mom but she's a bigger girl & I couldn't fit it behind her on that potty chair.
Also, have you asked the hired help how they handle it? And if you're saving the miralax for weekends, I wouldn't. Let hired help do it. I have made myself realize this with mom & bathing bc it's hard for me. It's their job, just like you have one during week, and you're paying for that service to make your life better/easier. They aren't being paid to house sit and just watch tv & play games on their phone(can you tell we had one girl that only wanted to do that lol) I hope I've helped in some way & if you do find a technique that works, please post it bc this is getting to be very hard thing for us too. You're also right about the lift, I've often wondered how that would work any differently than you described!!
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Thank you all for your ideas. I do have a hoyer with commode sling but how do you get her pants off and on and how do you clean her when the sling is in the way. I would be lucky if her rear end was naked and landed on the hole of the sling. If she was naked, her sling would get urine on it because she wakes up wet and when I take off her diaper and put the sling under her it would be all pee pee smell from her back. I did go apply for medicaid choices for independence today. If accepted its a 3-5 month wait for help. I am good during the week as I pay for help but weekends are a killer. I did buy and return a shower commode chair that rolls over a toilet but there was a bar across the bottom behind her ankle area. In order to lift her back into the chair, I need to pull the chair forward as I am holding mom in front of me and that bar got in the way so I couldnt get her "Back into the seat" enough. I did recently find one online with no bar, maybe I should get that one. Argh thank you all again, appreciate it. I thought maybe let her poop in her diaper and get her on a poop schedule that way. As of now, she poops 3 hours after miralax but on the toilet. One day I waited and finally at 5pm I took her in, and she went kaboom. I think she held it. She doesnt have grip, or balance, nor can she understand but for some reason she goes bm on the toilet. The commode I bought it huge but you can reach under it to wash them.(not easy for me, I am a big girl) thanks again
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I think a Handicap toilet chair, you just push the whole chair over the toilet, then when she is done push the chair away from the toilet then you can clean her w/ the toilet out of the way.
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Had another thought. Is your mom eligible for any Medicaid or hospice services. Perhaps scheduling those visits at the time you need the most help. I mentioned to my neighbor on my smoke break on the front step that it was getting harder to get mom in pitty by myself. She very kindly offered to help anytime and I did not hesitate to ask when I had no one else. Didn't take long and she was more then happy to help. I'll post again, if you don't mind, if I think of anything else
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It sounds as though you are reaching the end of your ability to care for your Mom. And that you have done an incredible amount and effort so far.

Sometimes we have to just surrender to the hard reality that the job of caregiving has gotten beyond our means to provide all necesary care at the level our loved one deserves.
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What i did was put a commode in a spot where I had enough room to work and where moms feet rested comfortably on the chair. It was placed in the corner of kitchen with short walk behind it and long walk beside. Put a bar of the wall. Angled chair when done going towards wall where I had a grab bar then put a good rubbered backed rug under her feet. Scooped her up to standing, I would put her hands on bar and cirk her fingers around bar. This worked for years. When mom was no longer able to hold her own weight, this became a two person job with many times sitting back on commode to regroup. Our bathroom just did not have enough room to accommodate 2 people and the wheelchair. I was fortunate that my sons had just graduated from college as my moms major decline started. I can't really think of a way for this to be easier for you without a second person to help. Good luck
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I have no experience with this, but what if you laid her on the bed and put a bed pan under her? I might be more clean up, but it would be less stress and strain on both of your bodies.
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What do professionals use or do? As above, nurses, hospice workers, MDs. Has anyone called Kaiser, Geriactrics Department? Some people must have experience with this.
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I don't have any help as far as the transfer except to use a transfer belt so you can hold onto her safely so you don't need to pull on her arms and possibly hurt her, but if you need to clean her up if she goes while she's in bed, the method I learned when I was a nurses aid in the nursing home might help. You can use a changing pad like you'd use to change a babys diaper. Roll her to one side and fold up the dirty pad as far as you can under her and replace it with a folded clean pad. Then roll her to the other side, clean her, and remove the dirty pad while opening up the folded clean one. Sounds complicated but it's not and it's so efficient and much easier than trying to lift her. I agree it's very hard to clean while they're using the toilet. Try to protect your back with a back brace. God bless you for trying so hard.
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There are slings for the lift designed for toileting, check out videos in youtube. Do you have room in your bathroom for the lift?
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Why do you think so, because I could hold her while it washed her bum? How would I know if it were washing the right spot and wouldnt it be cold and scary for her? Hey I am up for all suggestions, let me know. I researched them like a year ago on amazon and you can add it to a toilet but its cold water unless you add a mixing valve. Any experience with them? Thx, I hate to let her poop in her diaper when I know if I can get her on the toilet she will go, as long as I do the miralax.
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The more I think about it the more I think a bidet might be a good solution.
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PS medicare covers a hospital bed and a hoyer lift free, you only need an RX from their doctor with 3-4 reasons why.
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Thanks all, I do have a hoyer lift but I would have to put Mom naked onto it meaning rolling or lifting her onto the sling. then the sling would be dirty. I did get great grip sneakers but then I couldnt twist/pivot her to set her on the toilet, her legs didnt move.
What doesnt eveyone else do with bm incontinence? Thank you all again, so appreciative!
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It seems to me that maybe it's time to say that mom is incontinent and figure out the best way to keep stool out of her vagina? I don't know if there is a way to do thst, but maybe someone has some ideas.
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Reverseroles, the hospitals use a device called a Hoyer Lift.... I don't know it sure looks scary and it all depends on how brave the patient is wanting to be swinging in one of those things. Plus it depends on how much room you have to maneuver it. And the cost $$$.
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I don't know how expensive they are, but there are combination wheeled shower/commode chairs. She would have the support available in a wheelchair and you would be able to remove the bucket to clean her, even wheel her into the shower if necessary.
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