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I’m positive nothing inappropriate has occurred, she thinks this aide sleeps with her and she believes that he feels the same way. I have not brought this up to anyone at the facility but I do know that the aide now brings in a female staffer when he has to attend to her so I’m guessing she made him uncomfortable. In any event, I just change the subject but this “fantasy” really drives her and in a bizarre way keeps her in a positive state of mind. She takes better care with her appearance and seems kind of “up” like one is in teenage love. This is so bizarre. Any thoughts?

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My mother did the same with her aide at first we thought it was sweet- she was happier. But soon she became jealous of my sister accusing her of having an affair with him! It was no longer cute. The next time was with her PT who she insisted was in love with her and would cry at night because they were not together. So for us, no more men caregivers. If it starts taking a weird turn suggest you keep to women caregivers too.
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I think it is harmless for your Mom but you might want to bring it up to staff in the event someone believes her. In today's environment, all accusations must be taken seriously and this Male aid could be falsely accused of something horrible. It sounds sweet in this forum but a third party could see this as serious abuse against an elder. Might be good if management is aware of her "fantasy", for the Aids sake.
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cherokeegrrl54 Mar 2020
Agree 100% to protect the aide from falsely being accused of abuse
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It might be a good idea to have a word with the aide and let him know that you understand it’s all fantasy. It’s good that he’s bringing someone with him, but he may be concerned that you might have got the wrong idea.
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KEngMcG Mar 2020
I saw him the other day and thanked him for taking such good care of her and that I was aware that she made his job “challenging “ he seemed to catch my drift
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My mom thinks Kirk Douglas stopped by last night.  I just want him to bring Mike next time.  Seriously, I smile and nod
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jacobsonbob Mar 2020
Back in the 1960s, my widowed paternal grandmother still, in her 80s, spent most of the year in her own home. An uncle, who lived a couple miles away, said that she was under the impression that people on the TV screen could seen members of their audience--so she "dressed up" to watch Art Linkletter!
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As long as there is nothing going on I see no problem with this UNLESS mom is making the aid so uncomfortable that he is asking to be taken from the duties of caring for her. If so this might have an adverse effect on mom. I am glad he is bringing in another staff member to avoid any problems.
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My 93 yr old mom believes any male who says hello to her is flirting.
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sunshinelife Mar 2020
:):):) You just made my whole day .....:) LOL!!
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Just 'cuz mom is old doesn't mean she is dead to "liking", infatuation, or loving somebody. Seems the facility and the aide have things well in hand.
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I think it’s common. My mother has done it as well, particularly not long after she moved to ALF since the nurses came into her apartment occasionally.
I mentioned it to the nursing supervisor. I was concerned her stories could cause a problem for the male nurse. They took steps to give her a female nurse in the evening when she’s most confused. It may make your mother happy but I’d be concerned about a third party’s reaction who could be upset and cause a serious problem , people gossip and don’t always make sure about facts before they complain
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She's in a different time zone then you. She's thinking of herself and her surroundings from a younger version of herself. Don't tell her her thoughts are inappropriate or wrong it will just cause confusion. The staff is handling it the best way possible.
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My 97 year old grandfather was sure the women on his floor wanted to get into bed with him and have sex. He said he didn't want "old broads"! OMG! It seems funny, but it disturbed him. He was just beginning to show signs of dementia and died soon after. He was quite the character until the bitter end, but this can certainly be an issue if someone doesn't understand what they're hearing.
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