My dear granny was put to rest about a week ago. The funeral service was terrible, everything seemed rushed. When the casket was placed in the hearse, most family members walked to their cars in the parking lot to follow the hearse. Not even 7 minutes had pass and they were gone. Only 5 cars were able to follow. Everyone got lost and used their GPS to drive to the cemetery. Upon arriving I asked the driver what had happened. I was upset as I had rushed reaching a speed of max 84mph in the highway and still didn't catch up. She said that before leaving she had clearly stated we would need escorts for more than 5 cars and that we had choose not pay for escorts. I told her I was not aware of this and her answer was "It's common sense" in order to avoid traffic incidents. My sister and cousin later explained the funeral home had initially stated more than 10 cars ( I didn't know this info at time of discussion). I told her I don't go often to funerals to know this common sense she was talking about and she said "This is not a funeral". She then asked in an annoyed and inpatient tone if we were "ready to start or not" (the burial) I told her a group in a single car was lost and her answer was "are they immediate family members?". At that point I was near tears not only because of my grief but also anger. My cousin who was able to follow said she was driving at a speed of 90 mph in the highway and driving the yellow lights in the streets- no wonder most of us could not catch up. My grandma didn't deserve such service and it saddens me we couldn't traditionally follow her. I would like to formally complain, how should I go about it?
How about give everyone a print out of where they are going and the time the service would begin? Make it a reasonable time so people could drive at safe speed and not take chances.
I don’t know much about what they call “ social media” — actually isn’t this forum social media? — but can you use it to give them a bad review? People take reviews seriously.
However, when complaining to the state or the BBB, you need specifics of what rules they violated…not just that they weren’t clear or were rude. The manager may offer an apology, but really, what do you want them to do?
Personally, you may be better off honoring your grandma in a personal way of some kind and then letting it go. Face it, there’s nothing that will make you feel better.
I don't know if she will get called at, if she will feel bad, that will be up to her but at least I get it out my chest and let them know how she made an already gloomy day worse.
And sometimes it was a bit of a lengthy wait, up to about 15- 20 minutes, until everyone was assembled, and no one (except staff) was still in the funeral home. It was only then that the funeral cars departed and people were left to stay around, visit, and leave when they wanted to.
As I remember, traffic lights were ignored once the procession began. And others on the street at the time honored the procession; no one cut in, no one interfered in any way. From my experience, it seems there was a lot of respect for funerals.
The funeral home you used might not be such a great one, but as for them hurrying things along, sometimes they have to.
My friend is a funeral director and I can remember her saying that families often have to be hurried along a little especially at the cemetery because their funeral might not be the only one of the day for the funeral directors or the cemetery. The families sometimes take this as rudeness and unprofessional.
As for who to complain to, that depends. If you used an independently-owned place then you'd speak to the owner. If you used a chain-operated one, ask for who is the manager and complain to them.
If your experience with them was so bad, you may want to try filing a suit in small claims court to sue for damages. That could be a possibility.
https://nfda.org/
I was working a terrible schedule and had requested that if the passed after midnight, I NOT be called until 5 am, and under my special circumstances, my request had been granted.
So the phone rings at 2 am, and of course I knew instantly that she was gone.
Then the mortician says, having been told previously that she was to go to his facility, “I have to know if she’s really comin’ to us, because I got ‘em hangin’ from the rafters here. I won’t pick her up unless you consent right now.” (It’s 2:10 and we hadn’t considered any place but his).
I go next day to arrange for the VERY simple graveside ceremony, and after the basic preliminaries he says “Will you be bringing clothing for the burial?” She had been bed bound for about a year and a half- no street clothes of any kind.
I asked if I could buy a shroud there. He responds “WAS SHE JEWISH??”
So I brought a simple gown that wasn’t at all funeral-ly, and there was to be no service anywhere, least of all open, so OK.
Off to the cemetery, about 6°, and no hearse in sight. Waiting waiting waiting……and then, ripping around the old narrow cemetery roads, THE HEARSE, tires screeching and barely missing the headstones on little lanes.
As luck would have it, there were some husky youths in our family, and after she was wrestled out of the hearse, Grandma was placed gently into the grave.
SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED IT, and I OFTEN THINK she probably did. She had a Very dark, sharp sense of humor, and she would have laughed herself to tears at all the high jinx surrounding her departure.
Your granny was without doubt Safely At Home, and her most serious concern might have been that you had to race so dangerously to get to her.
When we tell the story, and we often do, it brings both a chuckle and a tear. She was the eldest of five beautiful sisters, and the youngest, and last of this amazing family will be leaving us soon.
I hope that you will soon be at peace, enrobed in affectionate memories of your granny, and may those memories soon replace the annoyances that accompanied your parting.
I would be tickled if something like this happened to me. I like to drive fast.
I would complain about the service you received. Sounds like the lady was in a rush. Like I said, I live in a small town and most of the residents use the same funeral parlor. So, the funeral director makes sure everything runs as smooth as possible.
yes, definitely complain.
awful, and total lack of compassion from that woman.
...get it off your chest (write the complaint)
...they deserve to receive a complaint
...and mayyybe things will change in the future; maybe not; but you tried (you did the honorable thing to try to change things in the future, for other people) (you did the honorable thing also, to stand up for your grandmother, who deserved better)
...maybe they'll apologize
1 thing that's useful sometimes, is to make the complaint more public:
...if it's just emailed to 1 or 2 people, they can just ignore the email/complaint
Department for Consumer Affairs for Cemeteries and Funeral Bureau.
https://www.cfb.ca.gov/about_us/who.shtml
I am sorry for the death of your grandmother.
Hugs
I'm sorry they treated you like that. Debating as to whether it was a funeral or not was completely irrelevant, and it sounds like the driver was just being a jerk. If people were driving 90 mph and not able to catch up at all, that tells me the hearse driver was not driving the speed limit with their precious cargo. That's worth mentioning to the boss.
Yes, a funeral procession of any length does require a police escort, because they have to stop traffic so the cars can all follow along. Everyone has to make every light, or they'd be waiting forever for people to catch up. However, there should be a scheduled time when the graveside service is to begin (give or take 5-10 minutes), and folks need to be there by that time. Counting on being able to convoy to the cemetery is never a good plan. You have to know how to get there on your own.
I remember missing the graveside service of a beloved aunt many years ago, because I got left behind in the convoy and had no idea where the cemetery was. This was before GPS or cell phones, so I rolled in as the service was breaking up. There's no excuse for that to happen now, though.