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My dear granny was put to rest about a week ago. The funeral service was terrible, everything seemed rushed. When the casket was placed in the hearse, most family members walked to their cars in the parking lot to follow the hearse. Not even 7 minutes had pass and they were gone. Only 5 cars were able to follow. Everyone got lost and used their GPS to drive to the cemetery. Upon arriving I asked the driver what had happened. I was upset as I had rushed reaching a speed of max 84mph in the highway and still didn't catch up. She said that before leaving she had clearly stated we would need escorts for more than 5 cars and that we had choose not pay for escorts. I told her I was not aware of this and her answer was "It's common sense" in order to avoid traffic incidents. My sister and cousin later explained the funeral home had initially stated more than 10 cars ( I didn't know this info at time of discussion). I told her I don't go often to funerals to know this common sense she was talking about and she said "This is not a funeral". She then asked in an annoyed and inpatient tone if we were "ready to start or not" (the burial) I told her a group in a single car was lost and her answer was "are they immediate family members?". At that point I was near tears not only because of my grief but also anger. My cousin who was able to follow said she was driving at a speed of 90 mph in the highway and driving the yellow lights in the streets- no wonder most of us could not catch up. My grandma didn't deserve such service and it saddens me we couldn't traditionally follow her. I would like to formally complain, how should I go about it?

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My mother died after a long term in a local SNF.

I was working a terrible schedule and had requested that if the passed after midnight, I NOT be called until 5 am, and under my special circumstances, my request had been granted.

So the phone rings at 2 am, and of course I knew instantly that she was gone.

Then the mortician says, having been told previously that she was to go to his facility, “I have to know if she’s really comin’ to us, because I got ‘em hangin’ from the rafters here. I won’t pick her up unless you consent right now.” (It’s 2:10 and we hadn’t considered any place but his).

I go next day to arrange for the VERY simple graveside ceremony, and after the basic preliminaries he says “Will you be bringing clothing for the burial?” She had been bed bound for about a year and a half- no street clothes of any kind.

I asked if I could buy a shroud there. He responds “WAS SHE JEWISH??”

So I brought a simple gown that wasn’t at all funeral-ly, and there was to be no service anywhere, least of all open, so OK.

Off to the cemetery, about 6°, and no hearse in sight. Waiting waiting waiting……and then, ripping around the old narrow cemetery roads, THE HEARSE, tires screeching and barely missing the headstones on little lanes.

As luck would have it, there were some husky youths in our family, and after she was wrestled out of the hearse, Grandma was placed gently into the grave.

SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED IT, and I OFTEN THINK she probably did. She had a Very dark, sharp sense of humor, and she would have laughed herself to tears at all the high jinx surrounding her departure.

Your granny was without doubt Safely At Home, and her most serious concern might have been that you had to race so dangerously to get to her.

When we tell the story, and we often do, it brings both a chuckle and a tear. She was the eldest of five beautiful sisters, and the youngest, and last of this amazing family will be leaving us soon.

I hope that you will soon be at peace, enrobed in affectionate memories of your granny, and may those memories soon replace the annoyances that accompanied your parting.
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Isthisrealyreal Feb 2022
This is where people get the saying, "She'll be late to her own funeral."

I would be tickled if something like this happened to me. I like to drive fast.
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Leave them a review on Yelp and Google. That will reach far more people than complaining to their boss will, but do complain to the boss as well.

I'm sorry they treated you like that. Debating as to whether it was a funeral or not was completely irrelevant, and it sounds like the driver was just being a jerk. If people were driving 90 mph and not able to catch up at all, that tells me the hearse driver was not driving the speed limit with their precious cargo. That's worth mentioning to the boss.

Yes, a funeral procession of any length does require a police escort, because they have to stop traffic so the cars can all follow along. Everyone has to make every light, or they'd be waiting forever for people to catch up. However, there should be a scheduled time when the graveside service is to begin (give or take 5-10 minutes), and folks need to be there by that time. Counting on being able to convoy to the cemetery is never a good plan. You have to know how to get there on your own.

I remember missing the graveside service of a beloved aunt many years ago, because I got left behind in the convoy and had no idea where the cemetery was. This was before GPS or cell phones, so I rolled in as the service was breaking up. There's no excuse for that to happen now, though.
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sending you my deep condolences regarding your grandmother.

yes, definitely complain.
awful, and total lack of compassion from that woman.

...get it off your chest (write the complaint)
...they deserve to receive a complaint
...and mayyybe things will change in the future; maybe not; but you tried (you did the honorable thing to try to change things in the future, for other people) (you did the honorable thing also, to stand up for your grandmother, who deserved better)
...maybe they'll apologize

1 thing that's useful sometimes, is to make the complaint more public:
...if it's just emailed to 1 or 2 people, they can just ignore the email/complaint
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Here is another place you might complain to.
Department for Consumer Affairs for Cemeteries and Funeral Bureau.

https://www.cfb.ca.gov/about_us/who.shtml

I am sorry for the death of your grandmother.
Hugs
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I live in a small area but have been to a number of funerals. I have never heard of escorts. We have needed to use an interstate to get to a cemetery a half hour away. The hearse goes the speed limit. The cars following use their flashers so all are aware its a funeral procession. Its courtesy not to cut these cars off. The hearse driver shouldn't be going so fast the procession can't keep up.

I would complain about the service you received. Sounds like the lady was in a rush. Like I said, I live in a small town and most of the residents use the same funeral parlor. So, the funeral director makes sure everything runs as smooth as possible.
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There are lots of good answers here about addressing what has already happened. May I suggest something that may help you move forward? It would be a very nice thing for you, your sisters and some other family and friends who love/d your granny to have another ceremony, a celebration of her life. If there are only a few who would participate you could meet at her graveside, but it may be better to choose a place she particularly loved. Keep it simple. Meet together, put some flowers or other remembrances in the center of the group. Exchange stories about your granny, why you loved her, how she helped you. I suggest you do this on a nice day in spring or summer. If her birthday happens to occur in that time frame, that would make a nice date. Otherwise pick a date that seems good for some other reason. The real point will be to make a time to remember your granny in a way that makes you feel that her life has been appreciated and that her death has been respected. I think this may help you a lot. You can process your grief better if you have time to honor and respect the person who has died. Give yourself all the time you need.
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You could also complain to the National Funeral Directors Assn., if you can determine if this funeral parlor is a member.

https://nfda.org/
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Complain to the manager of the funeral home. Also place reviews on Yelp and Google. Seems that the person you talked to should not be allowed to have contact with family/friends at the funeral service.
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I haven't read any of the other replies. What I can tell you is that in my experience funeral processions are generally the norm only in small towns or when the cemetery is just a block or two from the church or funeral home, for safety any other situation usually involves meeting at the cemetery. I'm sorry that wasn't made clear to you.
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My condolences on the loss of your granny. Your story reminds me of my uncle’s procession. As a veteran, he was to be buried in a national cemetery some distance from the funeral home. We were all told in advance to “keep up” when we got to the tollway and not to stop for the tolls as the funeral home would take care of it. Ran 75+ mph barely keeping sight of the car ahead of me. Imagine our surprise months later when all of us out-of-towners received notices from the state that we owed in excess of $100 each for failure to pay toll fees. Calls to the funeral home got us nowhere, so my uncle’s daughter paid all the fees on her toll pass (we were told they dropped the fines?). Crazy.
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