Have things happened in caregiving that you can look back on and laugh at now?

We take my boyfriend's 86 yo mother to a restaurant for breakfast about once a week. She has a school girl crush on one of the twenty-something busboys who works there. Whenever we go there (or any other restaurant) she asks "Is this the place where my boyfriend works?" She is so excited about seeing him and always wants to make sure she leaves him a tip.

My grandmother passed away over 4 years ago, but had a couple doozies.... when someone passed away in the nursing home where she was staying, she told my mom that he had "escaped" (I guess so, in a way!). Another time, she passed by a mirror without realizing it was a mirror and asked my mom "Who was that ugly b****?" (She never did mince words!)

I can usually look on the bright side or at least try my best. One night when I was tired and Mom had used the bathroom I was cleaning her up I put on diaper cream and thought wow that new brand has a minty smell. The diaper cream was tooth paste, on a positive note it was sensitive!
One time before the poor little thing was having a mastectomy the doctor came in and asked all the routine questions she behaved herself as this guy was so young and a real cutie. Then she looked up at him straight faced and said she was a terrible drinker. The nurse was behind the doctor cracking up and the poor guy took her serious until she grabbed his hand and winked at him!
It's been a difficult day and I am very worried about her, this was a happy break writing this. Take care one and all!

Just this past weekend I had a grad party for my daughter at my house all my family was invited and my mother was talking with my SIL and said "look at all these people, I think I'm related to most of them"... ( so sad, but it's funny)

My had was in the NH which my SIL was the nurse mgr of his floor, well one day my brother the husband of nurse was visiting my Dad and she walked by and my said to my brother (not recognizing my SIL) "you better watch out for her, she's the boss & she's a tough one...

My husband and I don't eat out much anymore but we will go to a drive thru. I pulled over and was feeding him and he made a noise with his mouth. I started furiously pounding him on the back to get up whatever it was he was choking on. Then he turned to me with a funny look and I asked him if he was ok. He said I just hiccuped !

Last night my daughter walked into the bathroom to wash her hands and came to my room asking me to walk into the bathroom with her. There hanging on the towel rack was a white towel that my sister had written "RAG" on and pinned to it was a note from my mother that read "looks like a pretty good towel to me!" My daughter and I had a good laugh..... took a picture to remember it, and left it hanging there! There isn't much in this that is "funny" so when things like this happen it's nice to have a giggle!

To SWOMBO...So sad and somewhat funny, but true. I have learned over the years of caring for my mother with dementia that it doesn't pay to stay angry. It is much easier to let things slide cause it is guaranteed that they will not remember the issue and get over it, so to speak, much sooner than you will. Have a peaceful day.

My husband is in early dementia and has pretty bad short-term memory loss. Recently, we were in a pretty contentious disagreement/standoff, and after several days of sulking & giving me the silent treatment, he walked into the kitchen one night, looked at me quizzically, and asked me to please tell him why he was so angry with me, because he absolutely could not remember.

i had a gal visiting a few weeks ago and i worked on her car brakes. she decided it was too hot outside and proceeded to come in the house and just wear my mom and sister out with her incessant jabbering. sis implied to her that she probably oughtta be outside helping me or at least pretending to give a damn. as her back hit the door mom asked sister where the " off " button was on that ? moms brain is slipping but she still knows when something is overboard or annoying.

I'm sure I am very lucky. My wife has a great sense of humor. And it makes the problems tolerable! She's having a lot of trouble with her toothpaste and the Sonicare toothbrush. First she was trying to brush her hair with the toothbrush. When I gave her the blow drier, she laughed. Then she tried to wash her face with the toothpaste and Sonicare. When I washed her face, she laughed. Then I walked into the bathroom and she was holding her arms out and complained of a terrible feeling in her armpits. Yep, she used the toothpaste for deodorant. After I washed it off, she grinned and laughed.

Her smile is everything to me!

At this moment caring for my Mom I do not find much of anything that happens here to be funny but I hope and pray that someday when all the pressure is gone I will be able to realize that some things were funny but were just lost in the moment. My father lived a very difficult life with a father who was abusive to him, his siblings and his mother, but the one thing I can remember about my Dad and his siblings was that they always laughed! Going to visit them was the best time because they had you laughing all the time. I wish we had inherited more of that laughing gene! Life is too short to be so serious!!!!!!

Good one kathyt1...I've had similar things happen. :-)

LOl I knew their was one. My Dad is almost deaf. He says "I can't hear you", I can't hear you" then when he does "stop shouting at me". It always cracks me up.

My first answer was going to be "no" also, but as I thought about it, I realized that my moms constant criticism of how bedraggled or tired I looked, especially in contrast to her unconditional acceptance of her favored grandson's cat-chewed flip flops, tattered jeans and wild greasy hair, was sort of funny. Especially when you also take into account the fact that her vision was at a "count fingers" level at best. Granted it has taken me two years to achieve this little bit of perspective, but there it is. And the episode of the missing tea towels, remedied by buying new tea towels that bore a passing resemblance to the old ones, and the teapot full of more lottery money than she thought she had that paid a nursing home bill for us...I think it was easier to laugh at then because we had more hope things were going to turn it better than they did.

It's a long road to healing, isn't it?

It's likely to take a VERY long time to see Mom's behaviors in anything like humor....
the entire 6 years here, we only shared a good belly-laugh -once-,
not for lack of trying to find some humor, somehow.

The rest of the time was pretty ...umm...complicated.
Dunno----maybe someday? And that may be best kept private, as it may resemble the most sophomoric of "morgue humor".

I think that when a person is overwhelmed, they cannot see the humor, plus it also depends on peoples personalities. If you are a very serious person you will not see the humor until you are past these responsibilities.

My father had Alz, the last Christmas season he was still living at home, my mother and I took him to several Christmas productions within our community. One in particular was a classical choir. There is a certain etiquette with classical musical one should follow. A soprano sang the first song followed by several songs as a choir, then the soprano stood up a second time and began her song....my father, rather loudly, said...Oh no, not again,LOL!!! I laughed , my mother was mortified (being very serious of nature). I stalled my mom from leaving until the soprano had finished her song, as that is what is considered appropriate at a classical performance. We received many dirty looks from others around us...I didn't care because they didn't know the situation, LOL!!

One of our first conversations that makes me laugh is not too long after my husband was first diagnosed. He could still walk and work on the computer, but his speech was starting to become slurred due to the weakening of his muscles .
He came out of the office , which is next to the bathroom and said ..."sh** my pants! ". I thought OMG ! This can't be happening . ...he said "no...sh*** my pants!" ...and had me go in the office and showed me on the computer that ' they had SHIPPED his pants! ...thank god!... I only wished now ...years later that he meant the same thing :)

My dad always said "you have to find the humor in the situation you are in". When he was sick with cancer he would do things to make us laugh all the time, when chemo started to make his hair fall out he decided to shave it all off, he had my sister in law who was shaving it do different cuts before she shaved it all off and as sad as losing one's hair because of chemo can be my dad made that day fun, we have many pictures of him with different cuts that we treasure. He knew we needed the situation lightened up so he did whatever he could to make us laugh. He never wanted us to remember the bad parts of fighting cancer, he wanted us to remember him as the fun loving beautiful man he was. We went through a lot and lost him to cancer and we miss him so much but we are able to laugh and remember the funny things that happened and those are the things he would want us to remember.

This has been a good topic. When people are ill, there is seldom much that is funny during their last years. However, my father has been gone for close to 10yrs now and there are a few things looking back that we laugh at.

I understand and totally relate Madeaa. Daughter52... Lol:). I wasn't that far from insanity BEFORE mil moved in so it didn't take that long for me to get there! I am seriously thinking of complaining as much as her but about random stuff and she how she reacts. Oh, I am so b.a.d.

I agree Madeaa. It is VERY hard to see humor in the daily situation we find ourselves in. Perhaps....just perhaps, I MIGHT laugh later at some things. I don't know what that could possibly be right now. Maybe the laughter will be from the insanity that is creeping up on me.

Thank you Wellington, sometimes it is just our mood and the way we read something that can irk us. I am having a particularly difficult time with my mother, and just the thought that if I just relish the precious moments and find humor in it, just rubbed me the wrong way. Also, there is enough guilt and shame to overcome as is and to be preached at about how we "should" act, react or feel annoys me. It is what it is.

So I took my 92 MIL w/dementia to a nursery to pick out some plants (something she had always enjoyed doing). It was in the 60s and all she did was complain (something she does quite a bit) about how cold it was. When we got back into the car I just had to ask, "Are you going to complain about this all the way home?" She replied, "Yes, I think I just might." She began to laugh which got me laughing. Thank God, it stopped her complaining :)

It is so hard to find humor. Madeaa, I have gotten to like you so much through your responses. I don't believe that Miller's word were malicious. My daughter is living with me a short while between graduate school and getting a grown-up job. It helps so much keeping a balance of emotions. When one of us is about ready to scream the other either steps in or lightens the mood. I am trying to prepare myself when she leaves by attempting to react differently so I can find humor through the complaining. I don't know if I can do it but sharing the silly things that happen to us might help. Hugs!

Laughter can be the best medicine...granted, most things are not funny, but if you have a silly moment here & there: laugh! Sure beats crying.

I agree that it's truly difficult to find humor in any of this, so I don't laugh in the moment because everything is so overwhelming. But when I re-tell a story to my sons or daughter, it does seem funnier then. My husband has stage 6 dementia and I am his full-time caregiver. The other day, I walked into the master bedroom to check on him and he was standing in front of the bed with four golf shirts on, nothing at all on the bottom - with his patent leather tuxedo shoes on as well. He didn't know why he was getting dressed or where he was going. At the time, I was shocked at what I encountered and could only be grateful he didn't have a urine accident without his depends. But when I look back, it was sort of a funny sight. Believe me, I KNOW it's not funny that he's losing his mind and it breaks my heart for him - but he's done many things like this where I might find a little humor - but without laughing AT him. I can chuckle inside - it may take the edge off a little.

The neurologist was asking my wife the standard assessment questions. What year is it? "Don't know." What season is it? "Don't know." What town are you in? "Don't know." What state are you in? "Terrible." The doc almost fell off his stool laughing.

I told my story because, if I didn't; I wouldn't be able to handle everything that has happened. My father passed away about a year after the story above. He was large then Life, and I choose to remember the good and funny stories; then remembering him getting weak, sick, and not remembering I was his daughter.
Everyone should remember the good times.
There is a story about Rainbow Bridge. If any of you get the chance. Read it. The story is the reason I can laugh and remember the good times. Don't dwell on the last moments. My Dad wouldn't want me to. He would want me to laugh at those times, because when he was in his right mind; he did.

Looking back now after two years, I am not finding humor but forgiveness and peace. I forgive myself for not being the perfect caregiver, my sister for her denial and my father for his rages. I was able to drive past the medial supply store yesterday and not cringe or hide my face from the fear filled memories. I hope the next step will be to remember mom as she was before Alzheimer's. I want my memories not to be clouded by all the indignities she faced on her journey; the loss of herself, her memories, her ability to walk, her ability to talk, incontinence, the ability to feed herself and finally the ability to swallow. I pray that with time the humor will come, not for my mother's unrelenting illness, but humor about the silly mistakes we made on our caregiving learning curve. When I learn to look back and laugh at myself a bit, it will go a long way to healing the impact of these years of caregiving on my marriage and my children. Thank you for a question posed to help many of us move further along our healing journey. Sending all of you still on the journey; hugs, love, courage and strength!

My Dad's Dementia had gotten to the point that when I came into the Long Term Care Center; my Dad was trying to get out of a sinking ship from WW2. He was just about into his "life boat," when I informed him that he was only 3 when his Step-Father's ship was hit and sunk.
But being the sport I was, I acted as a fellow soldier and helped him in to the boat. We rowed to the nearest ship and were brought aboard.
I will always remember that, because the staff couldn't believe that I would help him out. I told them, "He's my Dad, and is stressed about this, so of course I will help."