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Had just gotten a hoyer to lift my husband. Wanted to put him in bed from his wheelchair. Started lifting him up, he started wheezing, as he has COPD , I asked him if he needed his breathing medicine. He shook his head no....he also has garbled speech due to PSP disease. I couldn't get the wheelchair to move away from him. Realized the sling was caught on the arms....fixed that. Started over....got him up in the air to move him...he started wheezing again...once again....do you need your breathing medicine? He shook his head no....continued to jack him up...tried to move the wheelchair out of the way....WTF...the wheel chair was moving on its own off the ground....OMG...I forgot to unbuckle his seatbelt ! Poor guy..and he was so good about it...I felt so bad for him.
Anyone else do stupid stuff too, that you can look back on and laugh about?

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I enjoyed your story. I got a good laugh. That's something I would do. I am trying, I just remember a long hard slog. Thank God I don't have to use mechanical devices. Thank you for sharing.
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Making transfers with a lift is tricky. I purchased a mechanical life (battery driven) which was a huge help. However, I found I had to buy a different size sling for my father to sit in. The one which came with the lift was either for a shorter man/woman. Once I had the correct size slings things went very smoothly.
But yes, lots of funny things happen when you are trying to care for an elder. My father being a construction worker, often could trouble shoot equipment problems. He actually liked contributing in this way--he would laugh and say what would you do without me??:) He maintained a good sense of humor.

You might want to see if you can purchase a battery driven lift, they are very easy to use. You can find them with a bit of luck for sale, they can be too pricey at full price and most people only use them for a yr or so .

It's fine to see the humor in caregiving. Take care of yourself.
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NO, not a thing has been funny for me
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I've wondered about that. Things sure don't seem funny right now. When I try to explain incidences in my life to others, they observe it much differently than I do---without the emotion. So I realize when all these things are removed from me after my mother is gone, I "may" have a different viewpoint. It is all I can do right now not to feel the anger, frustration and guilt. I just hope I can come away with love and respect for my mom and myself when it's done.
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Some people view it without emotion because they are not dealing with it, believe me they'd have the emotions if they were knee deep in it and there wouldn't be very many chuckles.
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Several times mom is in a wheel chair with a safety seat belt and sometimes her blouse covers it; I will suggest to mom " com'on stand up and she looks at me funny...i say it again sort of pulling on her hands to indicate "up." O dear. I realize that darn seatbelt is on her. Un-do seatbelt and she stands right up.
Tonight the seatbelt was off and she wouldn't stand up....oh dear, the sleeve of her night was caught on the wheel chair handle....poor lady. I'm always apologize for my crazy requests.
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Fortunately, we didn't have to deal with a Hoyer, or dementia/Alzheimer's type stuff.
My dad was in & out of the hospital, inpatient & outpatient, for transfusions & complications of leukemia & subdural hematoma brain surgeries. I'm a father's daughter, and was a fixture in the hospital - anything I could do for my Dad. We could Always find laughable "faux pas" at the hospital.
Ya'know the column in Reader's Digest - "Laughter is the Best Medicine".
And, healthy aging is being able to laugh at ourselves. My dad had great wit & wisdom.
There are a lot of emotionally-rich moments in caregiving. Those disinclined to caregive are missing out - and ignorant to what's coming in their own lives. None of us are getting younger.
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P.S. -
Right after my dad's first brain surgery & was in ICU with his head bandaged, the surgeon made rounds and told Dad "Mr. M., you've just had brain surgery," Dad was sharp and said "Well, it's about time."
Another time I had taken Dad to Outpatient Oncology for yet another transfusion - and the nice nurse was taking the intake info, and asked if he had Shortness Of Breath. He thought about it, hemmed & hawed, and said "Well sometimes". So the nurse wrote "SOB" on the chart. Dad could read this upside down over the chair arm rest, and said "Well, if you don't like me, just tell me," I'm laughing as I type this. I had sent this SOB one to Reader's Digest, Laughter Is The Best Medicine - and they never published it.... guess it was too "risque" for them. LOL
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To each their own
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So, if you find caregiving hard, taxing, not very enriching you are "disinclined", or unaware of what is in store for you? I don't think so.
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I think it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And I wish Neither one of us had to go Through it, but If I couldn't laugh at some things later I would probably just cry. So yes...it is very tough. And I feel bad for anyone having to go thru this.
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Well, as a hospice nurse I was called to the home an elderly man whose catheter was blocked. If readers find this in poor taste I am sorry but it really happened. After the usual attempts to irrigate it I decided to replace it. It came our easily enough but the poor man's scrotum was so swollen the penis was nowhere in sight. I peered down the hole and sure enough he had one buried about three inches deep in swollen flesh. I tried many times to get that catheter in the hole which of course I could not see. finally his wife asked if there was anything she could do and I asked her to fetch two large table spoons and she said' don't you mean tea spoons" and a I said "no I am going to use the handles as retractors and you are going to hold them." After about an hour we finally succeeded and the man's plumbing was working fine. He was so good natured about it and his wife did not criticize at all. (She had been a nursing supervisor at the local hospital}. When I reported my adventure at the next staff meeting one of the other nurses remarked "Don't have anything to eat at Mr ..............'s house."
On other occasions I have received such warnings as ."Don't go in the kitchen the white cat will get you" "Don't get out of the car, honk your horn till her husband comes out" "Don't lift up the tray beside her bed" - there were cockroaches underneath. One lady called and said she hadn't had anything to eat all day, this was at midnight and she wanted a tomato sandwich. What did you do I was asked at the next staff meeting. " I put a tomato in my pocket and went to make her one" of course she only took one bite. One of our local pharmacists was very good about coming out in the middle of the night and one night I called his home because his daughter was on call and she had recently had a baby. He did not answer and the daughter came in. Next morning I received an irate call from his wife reaming me out for calling the daughter and told me she did not like having her husband go out at night and unlocking the shop because he was sixty five and too old for this kind of thing. I managed NOT to tell her that I was sixty seven and did not like driving around the lonely countryside with narcotics in my car. All in a days or should I say nights work!
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I love my mother very much, I made the commitment to help her and I will, are there some funny things, probably if I think hard about it, but I find losing my life quite sad and not funny nor her losing her mind and consequently fighting from losing my own.
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This is an old story, but, many years ago, my grandfather was in a nursing home. He had broken his hip and was 89 years old. His mind was still sharp as a tack though. Back then, there was not a separate ward for the dementia/altzheimer patients, so they were intermingled with the other patients. My grandfather found one lady particularly interesting since she would roam the halls looking for her dog that she had when she was five years old. She would wander into my grandfather's room and keep calling for her dog and look in the bathroom, under the bed, and so on. After a spell, my grandfather found it entertaining to "bark" when she was nearby in the hallway. We thought it was horrible at the time and scolded him. He said "What is the harm? She is having fun looking and I think it is hilarious!" One of my fondest memories of my grandfather to this day!
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See I can laugh at everyone else's stuff as there is a remnant of familiarity in those stories. Maybe that's the key---to step outside.
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We all know caregiving is hard work, emotionally upsetting because we love
the elder and want to reverse the aging process. However, once I realized I was only there to care for him through the aging process, make it as pleasant as possible, lots of the frustrations were lessened. Change only what you, the adult child had change, and enjoy the special extra time you have with your parent. It can be an enriching experience--- but the exhausting bull work of care (the lifting, the bathing, the endless laundry, the meal prep, the small medical crisis which occur are all there too. However, the extra time with an elder is priceless and when they pass, yes you are free but they aren't there to speak to or laugh with. The satisfaction that you made their final days (yrs) the best they could be does give the caregiver peace of mind and heart. Too many seniors are alone as they walk the final miles of life---nobody really cares for them in a loving manner. I try to pray for these poor souls each day as they surely need it.
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My Dad's Dementia had gotten to the point that when I came into the Long Term Care Center; my Dad was trying to get out of a sinking ship from WW2. He was just about into his "life boat," when I informed him that he was only 3 when his Step-Father's ship was hit and sunk.
But being the sport I was, I acted as a fellow soldier and helped him in to the boat. We rowed to the nearest ship and were brought aboard.
I will always remember that, because the staff couldn't believe that I would help him out. I told them, "He's my Dad, and is stressed about this, so of course I will help."
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Looking back now after two years, I am not finding humor but forgiveness and peace. I forgive myself for not being the perfect caregiver, my sister for her denial and my father for his rages. I was able to drive past the medial supply store yesterday and not cringe or hide my face from the fear filled memories. I hope the next step will be to remember mom as she was before Alzheimer's. I want my memories not to be clouded by all the indignities she faced on her journey; the loss of herself, her memories, her ability to walk, her ability to talk, incontinence, the ability to feed herself and finally the ability to swallow. I pray that with time the humor will come, not for my mother's unrelenting illness, but humor about the silly mistakes we made on our caregiving learning curve. When I learn to look back and laugh at myself a bit, it will go a long way to healing the impact of these years of caregiving on my marriage and my children. Thank you for a question posed to help many of us move further along our healing journey. Sending all of you still on the journey; hugs, love, courage and strength!
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I told my story because, if I didn't; I wouldn't be able to handle everything that has happened. My father passed away about a year after the story above. He was large then Life, and I choose to remember the good and funny stories; then remembering him getting weak, sick, and not remembering I was his daughter.
Everyone should remember the good times.
There is a story about Rainbow Bridge. If any of you get the chance. Read it. The story is the reason I can laugh and remember the good times. Don't dwell on the last moments. My Dad wouldn't want me to. He would want me to laugh at those times, because when he was in his right mind; he did.
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The neurologist was asking my wife the standard assessment questions. What year is it? "Don't know." What season is it? "Don't know." What town are you in? "Don't know." What state are you in? "Terrible." The doc almost fell off his stool laughing.
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I agree that it's truly difficult to find humor in any of this, so I don't laugh in the moment because everything is so overwhelming. But when I re-tell a story to my sons or daughter, it does seem funnier then. My husband has stage 6 dementia and I am his full-time caregiver. The other day, I walked into the master bedroom to check on him and he was standing in front of the bed with four golf shirts on, nothing at all on the bottom - with his patent leather tuxedo shoes on as well. He didn't know why he was getting dressed or where he was going. At the time, I was shocked at what I encountered and could only be grateful he didn't have a urine accident without his depends. But when I look back, it was sort of a funny sight. Believe me, I KNOW it's not funny that he's losing his mind and it breaks my heart for him - but he's done many things like this where I might find a little humor - but without laughing AT him. I can chuckle inside - it may take the edge off a little.
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Laughter can be the best medicine...granted, most things are not funny, but if you have a silly moment here & there: laugh! Sure beats crying.
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So I took my 92 MIL w/dementia to a nursery to pick out some plants (something she had always enjoyed doing). It was in the 60s and all she did was complain (something she does quite a bit) about how cold it was. When we got back into the car I just had to ask, "Are you going to complain about this all the way home?" She replied, "Yes, I think I just might." She began to laugh which got me laughing. Thank God, it stopped her complaining :)

It is so hard to find humor. Madeaa, I have gotten to like you so much through your responses. I don't believe that Miller's word were malicious. My daughter is living with me a short while between graduate school and getting a grown-up job. It helps so much keeping a balance of emotions. When one of us is about ready to scream the other either steps in or lightens the mood. I am trying to prepare myself when she leaves by attempting to react differently so I can find humor through the complaining. I don't know if I can do it but sharing the silly things that happen to us might help. Hugs!
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Thank you Wellington, sometimes it is just our mood and the way we read something that can irk us. I am having a particularly difficult time with my mother, and just the thought that if I just relish the precious moments and find humor in it, just rubbed me the wrong way. Also, there is enough guilt and shame to overcome as is and to be preached at about how we "should" act, react or feel annoys me. It is what it is.
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I agree Madeaa. It is VERY hard to see humor in the daily situation we find ourselves in. Perhaps....just perhaps, I MIGHT laugh later at some things. I don't know what that could possibly be right now. Maybe the laughter will be from the insanity that is creeping up on me.
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I understand and totally relate Madeaa. Daughter52... Lol:). I wasn't that far from insanity BEFORE mil moved in so it didn't take that long for me to get there! I am seriously thinking of complaining as much as her but about random stuff and she how she reacts. Oh, I am so b.a.d.
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This has been a good topic. When people are ill, there is seldom much that is funny during their last years. However, my father has been gone for close to 10yrs now and there are a few things looking back that we laugh at.
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My dad always said "you have to find the humor in the situation you are in". When he was sick with cancer he would do things to make us laugh all the time, when chemo started to make his hair fall out he decided to shave it all off, he had my sister in law who was shaving it do different cuts before she shaved it all off and as sad as losing one's hair because of chemo can be my dad made that day fun, we have many pictures of him with different cuts that we treasure. He knew we needed the situation lightened up so he did whatever he could to make us laugh. He never wanted us to remember the bad parts of fighting cancer, he wanted us to remember him as the fun loving beautiful man he was. We went through a lot and lost him to cancer and we miss him so much but we are able to laugh and remember the funny things that happened and those are the things he would want us to remember.
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One of our first conversations that makes me laugh is not too long after my husband was first diagnosed. He could still walk and work on the computer, but his speech was starting to become slurred due to the weakening of his muscles .
He came out of the office , which is next to the bathroom and said ..."sh** my pants! ". I thought OMG ! This can't be happening . ...he said "no...sh*** my pants!" ...and had me go in the office and showed me on the computer that ' they had SHIPPED his pants! ...thank god!... I only wished now ...years later that he meant the same thing :)
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I think that when a person is overwhelmed, they cannot see the humor, plus it also depends on peoples personalities. If you are a very serious person you will not see the humor until you are past these responsibilities.

My father had Alz, the last Christmas season he was still living at home, my mother and I took him to several Christmas productions within our community. One in particular was a classical choir. There is a certain etiquette with classical musical one should follow. A soprano sang the first song followed by several songs as a choir, then the soprano stood up a second time and began her song....my father, rather loudly, said...Oh no, not again,LOL!!! I laughed , my mother was mortified (being very serious of nature). I stalled my mom from leaving until the soprano had finished her song, as that is what is considered appropriate at a classical performance. We received many dirty looks from others around us...I didn't care because they didn't know the situation, LOL!!
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