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So it's been almost 8mo since MIL moved in our home. I just recently found out that she goes back and tells my sister in law that I ignore her, I'm mean and dont pay attention to her and she gives us all this money which is all untrue. Me and my husband work night shifts. I work 12 hr shifts and I usually am not talkative when I wake up. And I've had this discussion with her before. We had a big argument with the sister in law and her daughter (my niece) coming to my house and arguing with me. And then my mother in law said I'm the one who started yelling first and it's my fault. Its obvious she isn't happy in my home. I actually left the home for a night cause I felt attacked by my husbands family. He is stuck in the middle between me and his mom and I knows he is sad this isnt working out. He made a promise to his dad that he would take care of his mom. I feel like maybe his sister should take her and see how it works out over there. MIL also has a house but my sister in law let her daughter and boyfriend move in there, which I told them not to let anybody move in there for this very reason. Another option is a senior living community. My MIL has no hobbies, she doesn't drive and has a very strong Spanish accent, all which make things difficult. I've tried getting her to color adult coloring books, puzzles, paint rocks, crocheting. She double bagged it and put in in her closet. Please, I'm am in need of advice. Not too mention, me and my husband are dealing with my adult son who has an addiction to pills. So I'm dealing with double issues.

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Video record it . so there is no denying. Place a small camera that your MIL won't know and just record it all day for weeks. So everyone can see and hear EXACTLY what goes on.
Thats what I do. So there is never any dispute.
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If you and your H work night shifts, how can you take care of MIL during the day? Whose sleep gets sacrificed? What kind of care does your MIL require? I'm sure SIL loves things the way they are -- MIL is YOUR and H's problem.

What's MIL's financial situation?
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I have no respect for anyone who shows no appreciation for someone else taking them into their home and caring for them. ZippyZee has a good idea. Or you could really start acting like your mother in laws claims you act. Or next time SIL complains, grab MIL suitcase and tell SIL if she thinks she can do a better job, have at it. You are the Queen of your castle so start acting like it. Make it very clear to MIL that she is in your home at your discretion. Right now she is getting away with bullying you.
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MAYDAY Jul 2020
YOu gotta be nice to the mil and fil... If they are unhappy, they can pay you for what they want changed. If it still not right, just tell them you apologize, yu honestly tried your best,.. and perhaps they will be more fit at the other child's home and family :( :) hearts heart, happy happy joy joy... go try it a few weeks... try it and thentake a 6 week cruise, and come back, and decide who has the easier covid regime and masks schedule.... yeslet it beknown you are not going to subject yourself to covid since they were the ones who wanted to traavel for 6 weeks on a cruise.
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Drop her off with her suitcase in front of the sister-in-law's house and run like hell.
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I’m repeating some things that comes up so frequently on this site: Your husband can take care of his mother by making sure that she is well looked after, safe and comfortable, without her moving in with you (or with anyone in the family). Two workers (you and your Dear Husband) cannot provide enough care as MIL’s health and needs deteriorate. If she is difficult now, it is going to get worse as she gets older. If it gets seriously bad, your DH will find himself choosing between his wife and his mother. Perhaps he should do it sooner rather than later.

MIL is used to being Queen in her own house. She will find it very difficult to let you be Queen in yours. If she is awake during the only hours when you are at home, it won’t feel like your home. If you are doing your best and getting criticised for it (not to mention untrue complaints going round the family), your temper is going to snap more and more quickly.

The deathbed Golden Promise (promise me you’ll look after ….) is not fair. For many older people, and in many cultures, it was an expected thing in old age. However ‘old age’ rarely lasted as long. Men often died of a heart attack just a couple of years after they retired. Now with modern medicine, many parents are living well into their nineties, 30 years longer than before. How many more years of care would that mean for DH (and you) to provide for his mother? Are you prepared to spend that many years of your life in that way? Is he? Would he do it without you?

Promises for an unknown future are no more reasonable than the promises 'til death do us part' made very formally in front of a priest during marriage. Many people find that their marriage doesn't work out that way. The Golden Promise is the same.

It’s a good idea to work on alternatives. Sister in law may understand more if she tries herself. The young people in MIL’s house can have a go, especially if they are getting free rent. There are many Spanish speaking staff working in aged care facilities, and you could start investigating places where MIL can make herself understood. Some ethnic associations where I am either run facilities themselves, or can provide good advice about options. Start doing some research. Better still, get MIL to start doing some research herself. Her future is her own responsibility, if she is still mentally competent. If she is shocked by the cost, just tell her that her house will almost certainly need to be sold to pay for her own care.

This is all a bit blunt, but you really do have my sympathy. It’s a rotten situation, and it happens to far too many people.
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MAYDAY Jul 2020
I was told the GOLDEN AGE IS 72, AND EVERYTHING AFTER THAT IS A ;;; GIFT!!! YEAH... And I hope it comes with good hardware, limbs, circulations, vision, lungs, and JOY !! ESPECIALLY JOY !!! HAPPINESS... And a DARN GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR.... IF NOT... count me out.,.. I would say singing, and music... but that doesn't come to me naturally.... It sounds like I am hurting a Cat... THAT'S no fun at all.... so I will take what I get, and run with it, but that battery , should it wear down, BETTER JUST STOP WHEN THE TIME IS UPPPP :) that sounds perfect for me. Let it be known and done. THANK YOU !!!
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tell hubby perhaps he and his sister can share the caretaking of MOM. perhaps, the mom can move back to her home since she has people in there who can help look after her like her grand daughter and boyfriend. dad is where? heaven? tell dad, things have changed a bit, and son is doing the best he can for his mom, but other family members are close by and help take care of MOM. Thereby, he actually is taking care of mom by making sure she has plenty of family and social gatherings to watchover her. She can live in son's home, daughters' homes, and her home along with the granddaughter and her boyfriend. That way, the grand daughter and boyfriend will know what FAMILY AND LOVED ONES stand for... YOU GOT TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR ELDERS NO MATTER WHAT, or where or when, especially if they think they can live in grandma's house for "free"? They can pitch in and entertain grandma and take her to appointments, get meds, food, etc... They want to play ''HOUSE" well, let them experience it :) What better way!! Let grandma go back home and have grandkids pitch in.. hope everybody is within driving distance. That will be a good wakeup call in everyone's eyes. It takes a village to raise a kid, or elder... It is SO OK TO DO SO TO SHARE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR TAKING CARE OF MOM... It's time to chip in family!!
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