The elderly man that I care for asks me every day and very directly to perform sexual acts on him. I have tried everything I can think of.

Oh blimey.

Well, you're the professional! Normally we'd be asking you for advice... :/

To the middle-aged amateur, e.g. me, it sounds like short-term you've got two options.

1. Adopt a Nurse Ratched strategy.
2. Subcontract male personal caregivers.

In the wider context though, it's actually quite an interesting ethical question.

Possibly not one I'm very comfortable discussing, as it turns out!

But. This is a man whose interest in sexual activity has not waned but who is unable, unaided, to gratify it. What to do?

He is not free to pick on the nearest available breathing female, no. Obviously not. Have you discussed options and possibilities with your professional peers? I'm sure there will have been research and debate, and personally I can accept that this should be an aspect of care that's as important to wellbeing as hygiene and nutrition, but I freely admit that I have no clue what you do about it.

Any family members or professional representatives of his that you can consult?

Just an aside here. I commend you for asking your questions. This can't be easy for you. Thank you for asking.

I am starting a separate thread on private caregivers and what you have had to deal with. Because often , private, despite costs, are asked to deal with most difficult. It would be good to hear your side.

It is affecting more than you can state here. I know and will leave at that. I sent you a Pm.

A private message.

I am going to contact you privately. But you need to document in graphic detail what he is asking. Dates. You need diagnosis. Medical on letterhead. Resign from this.

Its not just an issue of self respect, it a legal one of sexual harassment and further. Put in context if another employer, you could damn well contact the EEOC. Spoken from perspective of assault advocate. Document all.

Just because someone is old does not , DOES NOT, excuse this. By any means. This is the hidden #me too.

The number of people who need care far exceeds the number of caregivers out there. The papers are full of ads for caregivers and agencies and families are practically begging for good caregivers. Tell whoever you work for, be it an agency or this man’s family, that you have too much self-respect to continue working with this man. When you do get another job, since this is your second “charge” who seems obsessed with sex, pay particular attention to what you say and your actions. You do not want a repeat of your last two experiences.

Do you work for an agency?

Well, the actual client is a lady in her 80s. The OP is her lead caregiver, and also co-ordinates a team of caregivers in the home.

So who is engaging in inappropriate behaviour, and towards whom, and what has happened exactly?