The elderly man that I care for asks me every day and very directly to perform sexual acts on him. I have tried everything I can think of.

I highly recommend you get out, stop caring for him right away! If he is competent and doing this who know what he may try accusing you of down the road.

Tell the family to get him a male caregiver!

Its not just an issue of self respect, it a legal one of sexual harassment and further. Put in context if another employer, you could damn well contact the EEOC. Spoken from perspective of assault advocate. Document all.

Just because someone is old does not , DOES NOT, excuse this. By any means. This is the hidden #me too.

When a person has a stroke it can damage their brain in a way that they become completely sexually uninhibited. I experienced this with a close family member.

The inappropriate behavior from my (formerly extremely prim/private/proper) loved one ranged from mild to outrageously inappropriate statements and inappropriate to extremely embarrassing conduct. As you can imagine, it was painful to watch this horrifying behavioral/personality transformation with a loved one.

Apparently this brain injury is fairly common with stroke patients. In an effort to help improve my loved one’s situation, I discussed this with many doctors. The doctors told me this would likely be the “new normal.”

As with any severe brain injury, the situation could improve slightly with time and healing. It did improve slightly for my family member, but not completely.

Understand that as this man’s brain is damaged, he no longer has control — don’t take anything he says personally. Please don’t judge him or his family. He simply can’t help it.

I had to grow to accept this - but you don’t!

The good news for you is you are not a family member! You have the choice to leave and should if this behavior is intolerable to you in any way.

Quit.

Problem solved.

He is making you very uncomfortable and he must know it if he doesn't have dementia. So I don't think he would respond to nice. I doubt he will stop. You need to get away from him..

It sounds like the cousin has had to replace caregivers once or twice before, huh...

Unless the cousin is so terribly elderly and prim that you really can't face it, I wonder if it would be worth making him concentrate and saying okay, let's cut to the chase with this and stop messing about: your relative is highly sexed and it's making him not just a pest but a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen. What are the options?

One option, I have no idea whether it could be done legally or not, might be the obvious. If the gentleman was in the habit of accessing sex workers in the past, for example, could there possibly be a way of finding out more about his preferences and organising visits?

I myself find this more embarrassing than incontinence so I wouldn't blame you if you did too. But on the other hand I am quite sure he wouldn't be the only very elderly gentleman on a reputable escort agency's client list. Maybe he already is.

I think you need to know what the cousin knows. You obviously can't hire hookers for your client, but if it's legal in your state could he?

Would the cousin be willing to pay for a male caregiver to be hired to come in just for bathing purposes?

Tell him in a straightforward way that his behaviour and language is unacceptable and harassment, and that if it is repeated you will simply leave. Then next time he does it pick up your bag and walk out. Now you may have to warn any agency you work for that this is what you are going to do, but if they do not support you then you have an employment issue with them, but they should do. Unless he cannot be left alone for even one minute nothing drastic will happen if you walk out, and if you have warned your employers then they can have someone on standby to take over from you in whatever time they feel it necessary to get someone to him. Don't put up with this.

I would be direct with him since there is no dementia. Tell him the conversation makes you uncomfortable and if he doesn't drop it, you will have no choice but to find new employment. What he is doing is abusive and you should not put up with poor behavour.

When my Mom was in a nursing home, there was a patient in there in a wheelchair that asked me if I could “help him out”. I said what do you need and he pointed at his crotch with a sneer. I watched him talk with the staff there and he sounded completely lucid and intelligent. He was just asking for a sexual favor which embarrassed me to death. I told him to speak to a nurse and walked off. Never spoke to him again. Just a dirty old man. Don’t put up with that. There are plenty of caregiving jobs out there. A dirty old man is a dirty old man and they are out there. Sometimes ones you would never expect.