My dh is going to visit his mom this weekend. Her short-term memory is non-existent. About 2 years ago I finally told her that her favorite grandson was gay. He was worried about her reaction and finally felt like it was time for her to know. Personally, I was getting tired of trying to explain why he didn't have a girlfriend. At that moment, she seemed to take it in stride but never said anything about it. Now, of course, she doesn't even remember that her grandchildren are adults. I was printing out some pictures to put in a book for her. My daughter got married in June and we have some of those. My son is getting married in a year and I would love to add some photos of him and his boyfriend. Has anyone else had to deal with this issue? I will say, since the dementia really kicked in, she can be VERY NASTY which is a complete 180 from what she once was. I know if she has a hissy fit, the only person to see it will be my husband. I guess I don't want anyone to get upset.
I told my mother who has dementia and lives in the moment that my son was in a car accident. The next time I visited her the first thing she asked about was my son. She had been upset for a week. I never told her that my brother died 2 years ago and since he was adopted at age 3 she does not have a memory of him like she does about her 3 daughters. We no longer tell her that her mom died in 1980 and that her husband died in 1997. We just say Dad is at work and that her mother does not drive and can't come to visit.
So, I just put old photos in there, except that I do provide her current photos of her with her roommate in the facility. She knows who they are, but still prefers the old photos from many years ago.
I suppose it really won't matter though, because she will likely not recall who your grownup son and his boyfriend are when she looks at the photos.