Should we take Mom with Alzheimer's/dementia with us to a party with our friends?

My mom is not appropriate to be around strangers for an event. She has bad table manners, and she is has started to try to hit me when we are at the doctors. I just wonder how long this is going to continue. She has FTD.

Would your neighbors allow you to do a "trial run" so that your mother is already familiar with the house, where the bathroom is, and so forth? Maybe this would make the party visit go more smoothly.

My sil's mom had dementia. She came to our house for Thanksgiving and Passover. She told her stories over and over again, but we knew what to expect, prepare your friends.

She is your mom, and deserves some enjoyment and a social treat now and then. Just check with your friends ahead of time, so that everyone is aware of her condition and that it's okay with them if she comes. We need to remember, just because our parents start to fail (with dementia, physical ailments, personality changes, etc), they are still people who loved us and sacrificed their young lives for us. Keep things in perspective and do your best to be charitable, loving and patient with her. You won't regret treating her well -- through all stages of her old age -- once she's gone.

You all have been so helpful! We did call the host yesterday, and she said, of course, bring her! We have a strategy that if and when she becomes agitated or in-appropriate, I will bring her back home. We only live 2 houses down from our neighbors. This forum has helped us so much in each issue we come across!

You aren't alone with this problem, Osomerset. Many people find that they can't take their elders or spouse to a gathering for that very reason. That's why it's important for the hosts to understand the nature of the disease. Also, the size of the group matters. I also agree with dirtydemensia that the host should be asked. Some people find it easier than others to have someone different (and often abrasive) around. Great thoughts from the group, as always.
Carol

I shy away from most social gathering because my mother, who has dementia, tends to make negative statements about people. Before the dementia set in, my mother was extremely insecure and now it seems more so. Whenever someone doesn't agree with her she gets upsets and pouts. Needless to say, she has no friends and very few visitors.

I think it proper to ask your friends if they do not mind. After all, it is their party.

I agree that if the gathering isn't too large and your friends are aware of your mother's dementia, go ahead and take her. Be aware, though, that she may get tired, anxious and/or agitated, so have a back up plan for someone to take her home.

Some people with dementia enjoy going out. Others are very anxious and don't enjoy it. Some of what you do will have to be based on how she is doing that day, as well. If she's like most people with dementia, she'll have some days where she's more clear than others. Days where her anxiety is worse. Go with your gut, but have a back up plan (or exit plan as Everishlass so wisely suggests). I hope you all can have some fun.
Carol

I agree with Eyerish, sure, give it a try, but be ready to leave if Mom becomes overly disoriented, or to preaching.

Then be prepared when you return home, since she is visiting you, for this to continue until she is distracted by something else.

She is visiting you? Have you taken her out and about yet? How advanced is the Alzheimer's?

Some people with Alzheimer's do OK for a brief time in mixed company. Some don't. Often the stimulation is too much for them and they can only put on their "public" face for so long before it begins to crack.

Knowing this, try it. Your mom may have a great time and it may be really good for her. But have an exit strategy if she starts to become agitated.