For 11 yrs my spouse has been treated for dementia/ Alzheimer's. Last night, for the first time in 36 years, he got angry and left the room.

Question

For 11 yrs my spouse has been treated for dementia/ Alzheimer's. Last night, for the first time in 36 years, he got angry and left the room.

Follow

Share

The past six months his ability to identify objects, rooms etc. has become increasing difficult. Last night, for the first time in 36 years, he got angry and left the room. When asked why he was so angry, he said "It's what you didn't do." After an hour I was able to determine that he felt I wasn't socially active with him the last two days. Talk about puzzling. This morning when I woke up I realized that I had been busy the last two days and had laid down several times because of an existing health problem. He takes sertralin
since he was diagnosed for agitation. When it happened, I didn't do anything for at least 20 minutes while I tried to figure this out. He doesn't like games, puzzles or anything like that, never has. He wants me to be "Chatty and Happy" which is all good when I'm not feeling bad. I feel certain that this disease will manifest itself in many ugly ways. By the time he went to bed he was okay.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Dementia Behaviors Spouse

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

16 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

I have a chronic illness and his patience with me has been overwhelmingly nice, kind, thoughtful. Now, he doesn't remember my limitations. I read many years ago that Humor was healthy. I do try to smile when I'm tired etc. because they say it changes the tone of your voice. In my mind, I try to remember what it was like raising children and grandchildren and then I have a better understanding. I feel sorry for our loved ones/friends who have these diseases. I can't imagine how they feel. Thanks for the encouragement.

Helpful Answer (7)

Report

I’m so sorry that you aren’t feeling well and he got upset with you. It’s obvious that you are sensitive to his needs. Glad that he got over it fairly quickly.

You can’t be chipper constantly. That’s kind of impossible, isn’t it?

These diseases are progressive. Yes, changes occur. Vent anytime and lots of people here have loved ones suffering with some form of dementia. Ask them your questions or tell them your concerns and you will get feedback.

Take care. Best wishes to you and your husband.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

"...for the first time in 36 years, he got angry..."

Wow!. You have a saint of a husband. You two have a great relationship and you get along so well that you never fight or get angry.

My husband and I had two arguments in all the years we dated and have been married. We have known each other for 30 years. Each of those two arguments caused me a lot of anguish because I never want to fight with him or see him mad. So, I can understand why you are troubled by your husband's anger.

My mother is in her 3rd year of Alzheimer's. She is generous and gentle by nature. So far, she hasn't gotten aggressive or abusive except when there are strangers (old friends and relatives) come to visit. I hope the disease will not change your husband's nature and your relationship too much.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

My heart goes out to you as I am experiencing the same with my husband. I am reading 36 Hour Day. I ordered it from Ebay. It has been very helpful in helping me care for the person I love most in the world. Good Luck. Will be praying for you and your husband.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

I got the same book 11 years ago. Now, I'm to close to things and I am not wanting to get emotional to the point where calm evaporates. I've learned from the Care Topics and others when I visit this forum. However, sometimes it is too depressing to read the anger and confusion so many have. God asks us to trust him 100% and I'm trusting him daily. Again thanks for the response.

(1)

Report

Thanks for sharing. You sure have married a saint. First anger in 36 yrs? Wow.

This disease is truly horrible. As for other diseases, you know what to expect as they progress. This disease, however, is very unpredictable. My husband was also sweet and loving. But with AZ, he gets angry a lot - more episodes than I care to count. He takes Seroquel and it works ok so far.

I am sorry to hear about your husband. Pls hang in there.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

My doctor wanted to increase his Zoloft but he has side effects. I added magnesium and B vitamins and that seems to help. I'm going to inquire about the Seroquel the next visit. Thank you for caring and responding. I'm trusting the Lord and learning each day is a gift.

(1)

Report

It is horrible to have mental problems - for the person and the caregiver. One never, ever knows what the mental patient is capable of doing - bad behavior will increase more and more as time goes on and some may turn violent. They will continue to cause problems and emotionally, mentally, and physically harm the caretakers who won't be able to control them forever - and if they do control them, the process can take its toll on the caretaker. I see only two possible solutions because you are NOT going to be able to fix them. Either you hire someone to take care of them and relieve you so you don't go insane or you place them where they are safe and cared for. If you value your sanity, your peace, your way of life, you must NOT allow these people to harm you and destroy who you are. You have only ONE life - don't waste it if you value it.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Thank you for your response. Certainly all of us need to know when it is time to get additional help or to see them safely being taken care. RIght now, his appetite remains okay and he can still dress and bathe himself. A day at a time. But what a life time of love. We do have men from our circle of friends who come over from time to time - and that is a break for me. Again, thank you.

(0)

Report

Love conquers all, so it has been said. My husband and I have been married 10 1/2 years. Up until 4 years ago everything was great. We camped, fished, & hunted together. We've had a very loving relationship & I tell him several times a day that I love him. He tells me that he loves me very much. After a couple of anger issues, for no reason, his Dr. put him on Seroquel which is wonderful. It calms down any anger he may have.
My best advice is to tell him you love him several times a day, even when you really don't feel like it. Get your strength from God. As we celebrate Easter, remember what Jesus did for you, ask His forgiveness & ask Him into your life.
He has promised never to leave you or forsake you. I love Jesus, He is my hope for a better tomorrow & I am loved. God bless you & heal you.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

seroquel will interfere with the rem during sleep. Are addictive. And will cause distressing side effects related to deep sleep. Chamomile tea and sage tea bags (2 to a cup) will help ensure a deep sleep...valerian caps 3 or 4 an hour before bed helps.

(1)

Report

See 1 more reply

I pray for God to help me, give me strength and wisdom each day. This disease is so unpredictable. My dear husband can be so loving one minute, start crying the next, and is VERY demanding of my time. If I'm in another room he constantly asks me what I'm doing. I don't know how I will be able to cope if he becomes incontinent. It is something I dread as I have neuropathy, therefore I do not have alot of strength. I've started doing exercises for my legs. He wants me by his side 24/7 but does not want the TV on. He just wants to talk about the same things over and over and over. Dear Jesus help me!! We just need to take one day at a time & keep trusting the Lord.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

At some point, our loved ones with dementia get confused and frustrated. Some cry and others get angry. Seems your hubby usually rolls with the situations as they come. Wow! What great coping he has. At least you now know that when you feel "off" to talk to him more about feeling "tired" or "a little sick" so he can hopefully process it.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

Dementia manifests itself differently in each person. You have to take it as it is, and expect it to change over time. I don't think it's always possible to understand why people with dementia do certain things. Their brains become unwired and they sometimes do things that seem illogical to the rest of us. You also have to take care of yourself. People with dementia can be very self-centered, and he may not understand that you also have needs. As long as he isn't violent, and gets over it, you shouldn't worry too much.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

Thank you for the word of encouragement. Since I posted, I have made changes in our home to make it more functional for us both. I've added vitamin/supplements to help as well. Going into the 12th year, we've been blessed. I guess we never want to see our loved ones go through this. Again, thanks.

For 11 yrs my spouse has been treated for dementia/ Alzheimer's. Last night, for the first time in 36 years, he got angry and left the room.

16 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions