Some people have disputes about disagreements concerning POA decisions. They explain that two people in their family share POA. Thoughts?

My dad was going to make one of my older brothers POA over finances. but decided not to when he heard he was going to charge everyone in the family rent.
I think if he had POA we would all be thrown out into elderly housing or something. He advised not too long ago that mom and I should sell the house and move to elderly housing. I told him no way, mom wil stay right in her own home. I think he was thinking about his inheritance, but you what there really won't be much of an inheritance. I am spending it all on my mother.

I'm the Trustee and have both medical and financial POA. My older brother has no power, per se, but I keep him updated on everything and have the power when it's needed because it makes things easier.

We made the difficult decision together to stop my mom's remaining medications last week, but I talked it over with him before giving the order. If he'd have had any concerns, we'd have worked it out together first.

The "one person in charge" system works well for us, because my folks had a few issues with my brother's way of handling money, plus I have the time while he's still working full-time. Most important, though, is that it prevents any conflicts with the medical or financial people we deal with. It's very clear who's in charge and makes the decisions, and that prevents issues with one POA telling them something, and the other telling them something else.

A POA is ONE job that can be held by more than one person, not multiple jobs held by multiple people who all get to put in their two cents' worth. It's just easier to name one person.

NeedHelpWithMom, I think whether it's a good or bad idea to give multiple people your POA depends on your confidence in both persons to always act in your best interest as well as in each person's ability and willingness to work with the other POA agent(s). In my own experience, I've seen a team of multiple POAs (with "or" between their names) work well together for one "principal" (my mom) and a few years later become dysfunctional as POAs for a different principal (my dad).
 
Putting an "and" between POA names is another way to have multiple POAs, which might be okay or even good if you have complete confidence that each POA agent will always work well with the other agent(s), but you don't have complete confidence that each POA agent always has steady judgment, e.g. when facing a crisis or just making hard decisions. Obviously, appointing multiple POA agents with "and" between their names has the potential to create unnecessary headaches for decisions to be made or even for paying bills and managing accounts, so you might want to think about what could go wrong before doing it that way.
 
Based on what you've posted, it looks like you have two daughters with whom you are confidant to act in your best interest if you name either or both of them as your POA(s). I suggest talking to them (maybe a conference call) to discuss this topic. Also, on www.agingcare.com website there's a section on Elder Law with several articles on POA that you and your daughters might find helpful.
 
FYI, when my youngest daughter with Down's Syndrome became an adult, my wife and I decided to have our two older daughters, as well as both of us, named as her co-guardians. As such, any one of us can act on behalf of our youngest daughter regarding any issue, e.g. medical, financial, or whatever. This works well for us and if anything happens to any (but not all) of us, our youngest daughter will seamlessly still have a guardian.

My mom appointed the sibling with a healthcare background to be MPOA, and the sibling with an MBA to be the POA. Mom was moved to live with, then near, the MPOA. So the MPOA did end up being the person who had to organize a lot of the things Mom couldn't handle anymore when we realised how her day to day living had collapsed (like having her on the phone call to various entities to change her address or cancel accounts), and then the MPOA handed the paperwork over to the POA, but this suits our capabilities.
I'm the MPOA, and am glad not to have to hassle with her taxes, etc. For signing her into the AL---it would have been easier to have it 'all-in=one'', but since the internet allowed us to easily share and sign documents it wasn't too bad. The POA wannts nothing to do with managing the day to day care.

Yes, I do think it's asking for trouble. My husband's durable POA for his dad lists him as primary and, should he ever become unavailable, one of his brothers is secondary. But that brother cannot go around my husband and just take over. Playing to strengths is one thing, being co-POA for medical and/or financial to spread the love is unnecessarily burdensome.

I’m POA and MPOA and brother is back up for MPOA, it just made sense to do it this way since my dad lives with me and I should always be present to make medical decisions. As time goes on though I’m so glad it’s this way because my brother is a great guy but he doesn’t get how limited my dad’s quality of life is, and he’d be quick to sign up out of guilt due to past relationships issues for measures my dad doesn’t want (feeding tube, for example, or aggressive treatment for pneumonia) that I, living it every day, would not. I think with multiple siblings it really should be the one closest to the situation. I’m so glad I can make decisions without needing him to agree (although so far I have discussed everything with him and we HAVE been in agreement).

Initially I drafted mine with DD2 as primary and DD1 with my son together, sharing responsibility. I have just changed it to list DD2, son then DD1.

My fear was DD1 trying to take control. She still may, but actually I hope the three of them can work together very closely and collaboratively.

My mom's POA did the same and knew there would be a problem. She based her decision on who was most active and present in her life. That was TS2, at that time. Mom did not want TS2 anywhere near decision making knowing what would happen. So the documents stated TS2, me then TS1. What mom did not realize was how manipulative and vindictive and narcissistic TS1 can be. And never thought how TS1 could influence TS2. What a nightmare that was! And how easily influenced TS2 is by TS1. She always just wanted everyone to get along. And did not want to become a target of TS2. Well, mom that did not work at all, did it.

I think aging parents appoint more than one person as POA because they don't want to seem unfair or like they're showing preference to one adult child over another.
If people only knew. It's no great honor to have someone's POA and have to make their decisions. I wish I never had it for my father because I was the one responsible for cleaning up the mess and I'm still cleaning it and he's been dead for almost three years.
I don't think it's a good idea to have more than one person as POA or conservator. Two or more people can't agree on the weather or will argue over what toppings to order on a pizza.
Imagine what it's like when property has to be liquidated into cash assets and bank accounts spent down because someone needs placement in a care facility. More than one person can't decide. Taking care of all the bill paying and doing things like cancelling credit cards and closing bank accounts for a person would be an absolute nightmare if two or more people had to legally sign off on it getting done. It's hard enough to get cooperation from a bank or credit card company when one person is trying to. More than one, it will never get done.

I appointed my niece as POA and brother second on the list. Mom is all set and niece and brother take over if I am unable.

For my Mom, out of 3 kids, I lived in the same town. One brother 8 hrs away the other, didn't seem interested. Mom had no back up. I was financial and medical.

I have an immediate financial for nephew because he can't handle money. But his Medical is Springing. Only can use when he is not able to make decisions.

I am going to have mine done and will ask the Lawyer what he thinks is best. My daughters both live in the same town. I think they could work together but one is stronger in the finance end the other, RN, is stronger in the medical end.

It’s helpful to know all of the terminology, cwille.

My daughters do get along but the youngest one moved several states away. I hope that wouldn’t become an issue.

Families don’t always stay living in the same area anymore. My daughter absolutely loves Denver. I don’t see her coming back to Louisiana. She has a great job there and she likes the change of seasons.

Springing POAs are mentioned frequently on the forum NHWM, in fact many, many posters seem to believe that they are the only kind available. With that type of POA there must be an event that triggers the POA to come into effect, and with the gradual decline of dementia often people find it difficult to "spring" the POA.

cwille,

Ahhh, okay. So, two are listed in case one person wouldn’t be available. That makes sense.

No, I hadn’t heard the term ‘springing.’

Thanks for info.

My mom's POA for finance and healthcare were both worded "jointly and severally" (as are mine). Since we were a family that got along this was never a problem and it gave us the reassurance that if one of us wasn't available for whatever reason the other could automatically step in.

And I doubt most people around here have ever even heard of a "springing" POA, I was able to lend a hand to mom with her business dealings decades before she became incapacitated. As far as I know that is something that you would have to specifically request from your lawyer, and if you were that distrustful of the person(s) you are appointing I have to wonder why you are choosing them at all.

I think some do it to give a sense of equality of "love" or fairness to their children, and do it so that there's a counterbalance of opinions and some so that no one child has to bear the emotional or admin burden by themselves.

My hubs and his brother (2 out of 3 bros) were made PoA for my MIL. They were the only 2 local to her. It has never been a problem because they discuss everything very diplomatically, honestly, timely and thoroughly AND there's no power struggle over real or perceived money or inheritances (because there is none), no control issues. Their mom was a sweet, loving person (who chose a jerk for a 2nd husband). They had a healthy understanding of the role of PoA from the start.

I have 3 sons. Right now the youngest is only 22 and is not a PoA and we explained to him why and he accepts this. But this may change as he gets older an he also knows this. Our PoA arrangement will be reviewed every few years to adjust for changes in willingness, maturity, location, wisdom, etc. And we make sure to have very thorough conversations with our sons about the role and our expectations. Still, this is no guarantee that things won't go sideways, but all we can do is what we've done.

I think the "trouble" that happens comes from power and money struggles, lack of understanding of the role of PoA, immaturity/insecurities, complicated family history, mistrust, wrong motives, petty jealousy, stress, burden, etc. It's a shame that it happens but people are complicated beings and many people can barely manage their own lives well, no less someone else's.