Follow
Share

My mother passed away 6 months ago and put both my sister and myself as executor to her estate. Being that I live in another state I relinquished my executor role and let her and her husband be sole executor. Finally after 8 months of waiting for our inheritance we were given most of the money and that worked out well, but the problem is that there was one investment that they told me I was sharing 50/50 benificiary with them. They sent me the bank paper that I needed to sign to release the funds and they put my sister and my joint account on that document. I sensed they were hiding something and I called the bank only to find out I am the benificiary 100 percent. I called them on it and since then they have tried every tactic to justify it including telling me they have rights to it, they deserve it. My sister has gone from being angry screaming I dont trust them to the next day crying saying she has been carrying the load for years in the family. Then now they are saying they need to keep that money to pay taxes next year on the money we received. I mostly hate the manipulation and deceit they are displaying. Now my husband and I are fighting because my sister has bullied me into agreeing about the holding onto that tax money. My husband wants me to tell them where to go and to not give the a cent. Up until now I had a very close relationship with my sister and brother in law.. I feel my sister has ruined our family for a very long time. I dont think I can every feel comfortable again around them because of how manipulative they have been. My sister did do a lot for my mother as I moved away 18 years ago from them but my mother was independent and maintained her own home. She took care of me when I was ill for 8 months in her home and didnt charge me a cent. I can't forget that she was so good to me but that doesn't justify their behavior. I am tired of being a doormat but somehow I let myself be talked into signing that paper with our joint account and I sent it to them.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
1 2 3
Your sister cheated you out of your share of one investment. That she did so using deceit is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Your sister lived closer to your mother and therefore no doubt contributed greatly to her care even if your mother was "independent" and seemed, from your distance, to maintain her house on her own. You know, many people (including me) think it isn't fair that one sibling does most of the caregiving and all the siblings expect to share equally in the estate. There are far better ways of addressing this inequity than the caregiver being deceiptful after the parent's death. But I can sympathize with the attitude that "I deserve a little more. I did more." I don't condone cheating to get it ... but, are you willing to give up your relationship with your sister over this? Can you forgive her? It is really your choice now. Your sister made choices about her behavior. She didn't do a very honorable job on one aspect, in my opinion. Now you have choices to make. You've already decided to let her have the money. Now you can decide about your relationship going forward.

And ... since you've given up the money, how are you resolving the issues this causes with your husband?

Perhaps some family counseling would be in order here.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Greed. It is not your responsiblity to pay the inheritance tax on your sister's inheritance. If she did not plan ahead to prepare for the tax it is not your fault. There was a reason you were listed as 100 % benificiary to begin with. That was your mother's/father's wishes at some point. Your sister is not a good steward to oversee the will. The executor has to provide a summary statement to all beneficiaries of how the estate was handled.
Each state has regulations on the percentage of the estate an executor can be paid for performing their duites. Unless the person making their will puts a set amount of payment the executor receives, the amount of money the executor is entitled to can be enormous. Part of not being a doormat is addressing the issue. Telling your sister when you signed over the executorship to her you didn't sign up for her manipulating you and taking what is rightfully yours. She was being deceitful. You sound like you have great intuition. By calling the bank you were able to find out the real deal.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

big mistake giving her the money! i'm with your hubby on this one. there's no excuse for that and she out and out tried to steal from you! that's great that you sound out the truth from the bank, but it's not your responsibility to pay her inheritance taxes! that's outrageous...she has a lot of nerve...she didn't have to accept the job of executor you know...hope you don't regret it. she already violated your trust and that's hard to ever get back.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

You need a lawyer. As executor of the estate she has a duty to see that everything is done accordinging to your mother's wishes. It is the law. She can drag her feet but you can force her to settle the estate. No one has the right to hold up the distribution of an estate. What she is trying to do is illegal.

As for paying taxes on the inheritance, I don't know all state laws but in the state I live in there is no tax on inheritance and no federal tax up to 5 million. If you are dealing with that amount, your certainly need a lawyer.

How do I know, my husband inherited a sizable amount from his mother. His brother was executor and there was foot draggery but not with any intent to take more than his share. he just procrastinates. No taxes due on my husband's part. Many states did away with inheritance tax or it is very low.

Like I said, Get a Lawyer!
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Also, google NOLO, it will tell you that about 7 states have inheritance taxes and the federal tax rate is for estates over 5 million (and nothing if the beneficiary is a spouse). Children are exempt or have very low rates in many of these states.

You certainly need a lawyer's advice before your sister takes something that she is not due. Even if you just let it go and she gets more, can you honestly put this away and not let it affect you relationship? I feel probably not.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Yet another story of blatant greed, a sibling thinking they're "owed" at the expense of another. It makes me sick! You have to put your feelings aside about how things were good in the past and get a lawyer to help you with the present. It isn't pretty. And I also agree with your husband. Your sister and b-i-l have shown you their true colors and now can't be trusted. What they did to YOU was horrible!!!
My sister is the executor of our mom's will and let me tell you she has done a lousy job. I was forced to hire a lawyer to make her do her legal duty. Mom's been gone 2 yrs and we haven't even scratched the surface of this mess.
Please don't let your sister and b-i-l get away with this. I'll bet your mom would tell you the same thing.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Sister is executor she will not show the will the sisters and brothers got a copy and it states the brother has usufracrt of the home ...the executor has intimidated the brother til he moved out not knowing about will.... She has the house for sale
Can she sell the house in louisiana if he has usufracrt ??? He is about to confront her that he is moving back in and she is receiving rent the mother has been deceased for 6 weeks..... Help!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My sister was named executor, because she was the oldest of three by 20 years.
My whole life as far back as I remember my parents always discussed being fair, they told me since I was little all that they had would be divided equally between the sibilings.
I also remember while growing up my brother was never really arround, and my sister was arround but was always negative towards me. Some family members my aunt used to say she never wanted siblings. She alawys complanied about how spoiled I was, and how mom and dad ignored her kids.....(Im the same age as her childrern.)
My parents were in their 80's both with dementia by the time I was in my 30's. I spent the better part (all) of my 30's raising my own kids, and taking care of my parents, I would do it all over again regardless.
Anyway after their deaths, I only receieved the cash divided between the 3 siblings. I called my sister executor regarding my parents home, and orther properties that they owned. She informed me that the properties were and are all hers as she did all the work and deserved it anyway ... She also informed me I couldnt do anything about it due to her name being on the title. (I found out she had taken a lawyer to visit my parents when they were starting to become confused but not yet legaly incompitent, and she had them sign over all their property to her.) When I saw a lawyer about this (elder abuse) she said there is nothing I can do. My so called older sister screwed me and my brother in more ways they one. She also screwed my trusting elderly parents and its all legal......
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I have a similar situation to what I hav been reading today. My sister is 74 and has dignosed dementia and has had for the past 10 years. My mother passed away 3 years ago and my sister (the demented on) stated to me she wanted nothing to do with any of Mom's stuff. I have been handeling everything since and before her death. Now I have found a buyer for my mother's place and it is under contract. My sisters husband had her call me and ask to be in charge. Although she doesn't know in charge of what.) To make a long story short. Her husband is trying to take contol of the estate as he has POA over her. The will clearly states "if sister is unable or unwilling to fulfill her duties as exector, then sister (me) assumes the roll of exector. How do I handle this. Do I have to prove her incompetent first.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Go around them directly to the investment company. Be prepared to send them a letter requesting payment of the funds directly to you along with copy of your mom's death certificate via Certified Mail Return Receipt Requested. If you are the beneficiary of the funds, your sister shouldn't even be handling it since that beneficiary designation puts those funds outside the confines of the will.

Your sister doesn't need more money to pay taxes. She herself will pay NO taxes on any of the money. Taxes are paid out of the INHERITANCE not one's own pocket.

Sorry, but your husband is right. And your sister is lying.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I don't condone what sister did and that she isn't more remorseful on this, but I'm with jeannegibbs on this one. I'm the primary contact, visitor, decision maker for my mom and my brother doesn't want anything to do with her...and has little to no contact with her, but DOES support me in dealing with mom. yet when she passes, the estate will be expected to be split evenly. I wouldn't do what your sis did, but yeah --most days, I feel like I deserve a greater share.

There must be some compromise you can work on with this that is acceptable to both families.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

does my sister need my social security number to execute my moms will ... then only thing i think i getting is a life insurance policy she had made in my name
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have 2 sisters .one was homeless at the time of my parents death so we let her move into the family home. I took my mom to a great attorney to up date her will in private. As a paralegal, she then rewrote the will and had her co workers witness it. Moms execture was her ex son inlaw.mom died in 2006 we just got a ciurt date. Sister took all but left us with a cematary plot. We should get 8000 at probate. After all these years, she has spent about everything. 250,000 originally.how can I find out whats left. Can I get a couple acres in lieu of cash.?.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

*IF* Your Relationship Had Been A Difficult One All Along, But it Wasn't. Maybe is as simple as your sister is in a financial hard place.
Ask yourself a question: IF Your Sis Came To You To Ask For Money, Would You Give It To Her? She may NOT Be lying if she hasn't a track record of being a liar. Maybe she misunderstood advice from friends or something.
Ask a GOOD Attorney to mediate between you two. Discuss as a situation to be taken care of NOT a Scheme With Anyone Betraying You. Keep Both Hubbys Outta It. If You sisters work it out, they'll get over themselves......Your Mother Obviously Thought Her Daughters Could Handle It. Prove Her Right. YOU Have YEARS Before this, and Pray God, Years More To Go. BE The Good Friends You've Up Until Now Been
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Nothing can cause more problems in a family than an inheritance! There have been at least four situations within my husband's extended family that blew up; one brother's estate hasn't even made it to probate (he left no will and assets in a mess)in 12 years. My husband and I have everything in a trust, which has made it easy to deal with stuff now that he's gone--I totally recommend this. Assuming, of course, that the parents have a good attitude.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

MaggieMarshall is so right. Beneficiaries to a bank CD, an investment, or life insurance policy---NONE of this is part of an Estate, and NONE of them is prevented from passing DIRECTLY to the Beneficiary, upon receiving the Certified Death Certificate, the Beneficiary gets the funds.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm powerless over my sister-in-law. My son who's now 25 is entitled to his inheritance from his gran, but she has tied the money up in property. She refuses to pay the full amount or any interest of what he's owed and refuses to give a breakdown of his money. She's a bully,manipulative and blineds him with excuses. talk about history repeating it self, my father spent all mine and my sisters. Not sure what to do my husband is afraid of her seems so is my son.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sue bear get a lawyer and legal advice they are not afraid as there is no emotional charge - there will of course be a financial charge. I think I will leave all my inheritance to the state let my lot challenge them for it! or maybe a donkey sanctuary!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My parents passed away two months apart, first my mother then my father. It has been 6 weeks since my father was laid to rest. My brother is named executor of their wills. So far I have not received any information on anything, not even a copy of the will. Is it too soon to expect any information from him? Is there a set time for the will to be filed in Probate?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am an executor of my mothers estate and your sisters actions are illegal. Dont think you would take her to court. The one thing I did was keep my husband out of the estate affairs so there would be no fighting in our marriage over issues with my beneficiaries, my brothers as problems arose. If your sister admits and apologizes then tell her to make it right and pay you money back. She probably wont. Only you can decide if you are able to still forgive and keep the relationship.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My sister in law has emptied her dad's bank accounts saying that her dad told her to. She was the executor of his his estate she even took his insurance policy which left us nothing to bury him with. All is money was to be distributed between my husband his sister and 2grandkids which was stated in his will. We all think she is holding money somewhere and is not giving it up. And could not possible have spent the amount which was in savings and investments. How can we get her to own up to what she has done. Can she be prosecuted. She thinks it's ok to say her dad told her to and get away with it. What are our options?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My parents wished to leave me their home after they died but I had an IRS debt over $130,000.00 and were afraid if it were in my name that the IRS would take it. So they didn't wright it in the will. My sister promised them that I would live there till I died and would honor their wishes. My parents told everyone they knew, including my friends, neighbors, church members and pastor of their wishes. Well, after they died she sold the house and paid cash for a $45,000.00 mini van, remodeled and refurnished her home, bought motor home, motor cycle, cars for grandchildren, ect... I was then told nothing was left but $30,000.00 which was split with my brother. I am disabled due to Major Depression and live on disability which is why my parents wanted to provide for me. They trusted my sister to honor their wishes and she lied to them knowing and premeditated the heist. do I have a remedy?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I've heard of a service here in Arkansas called elder mediation that you can find in many areas and it would be a decent alternative to try before going to court. Just google that with your state, and realize the basic idea is to help forge a compromise instead of most of the $$ involved going to lawyers - they charge a fee but it should be less that that.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My mother has left her money to my brother. Truthfully, my hb and I have been major supporters financially for years. At first, I was hurt, but then I thought, it is her money to do with as she wishes. What I did/or do for her is out of love. She has given me and my family what no amount of money could give. A wonderful loving grandmother, a loving mother, a supportive person. I could never repay her for that. Just my view.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am sorry. I am not responding the original poster regarding what her sister did re the will.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If someone takes care of an individual, even family, then they should not expect more of a share in the inheritance...its suppose to be done out of love and respect...and if someone doesn't want to do it then don't. But if you do it because you want more than your other siblings when the inheritance comes that means your just doing it for greed.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Montana I sort of see where you are coming from and I sure as don't do it for the money BUT I don't agree that it is necessarily greed. I think in reasonable terms siblings who don't care should at least have the decency to recognise the worth of the care their sibling DID give and what they gave up to do it. I have lost 5 years income, 50k from having to sell quickly. In actual fact I will inherit all but that is not the point here. I wouldn't EXPECT to inherit more - I WOULD expect that my siblings recognised what I gave up and allocate a little of the inheritance to me as a thank you.

That said a neighbour of ours died about 2 years ago and there was a very complicated probate and execution of the will. The man had called the lawyers in to draft a new will and they had done so but he died before he could sign it - so worthless. His new will would have left an additioal 20k to the daughter who looked after him for 15 years and he was bedridden for 10 of those years. The other siblings never visited phoned or sent cards but by george they soon found the house when he died and they were all over it like a rash. They wanted to take things that belonged to the daughter because she couldn't prove she had bought them some 10 years previously.

The solicitor told them of the new will - of course they didn't give a hoot about it. They forced the sale of the house via auction - which gives the lowest price over here usually - and could because she wasn't 60 (at which point in the UK you acquire some rights - not a lot but some). She was 58 single, no friends, no children - her husband couldn't tolerate the situation of care and a found a new model some 8 years previously! She had no home and very little to support herself with, simply because she gave up her life to devote to a father she adored. She became very depressed and committed suicide - her final act was to leave a will leaving all her money to her siblings stating that she did so because they clearly cared more about the money than her and that she would rather be with the father she loved.

So while I say yes Montana you don't do it for the inheritance - it its not always greed and some people are not financially stable enough post the death of their loved one to tolerate one more blow to their already diminished lives. Showing an utter lack of acknowledgement for her role as caregiver was the final blow for her.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Well said and good points, Jude.

Montana, I take issue and disagree with your last statement as well. I don't see any reason why someone who makes the sacrifices necessary to care for a parent shouldn't expect some consideration. Maybe some people see it as an opportunity to get more from any inheritance, but certainly not all people do.

More likely it's a way to shorten one's life because of the stress involved.

There are any number of posts here by caregivers who've made significant financial, personal and career sacrifices but don't expect anything more from an inheritance.

I personally think some siblings just have more sense of responsibility than others.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

My sister (whom I thought the most honest person I knew) married a real jerk, who started stealing from my Dad as he developed Alzheimer's. He was in their home about a year, then asked me to come down and watch him for awhile while they went to an Amway convention.
I went. While there, I found a check (forged) on one of my Dad's accounts. I ordered my sister to put the checks away where her dirtbag husband couldn't get to them.
She didn't.
I, also, took my dad with me. He stayed at my house until he died.
I, also, took care of my mother-in-law with Alzheimer's. My husband was the Executor of her will. We didn't want to be seen as taking advantage of Mom, so we put the monies in the hands of my husband's sister, whom we trusted.
But, basically, people can't be trusted with money. We cared for Mom and she and her husband got a mini-mansion. She wouldn't even give us enough to get a little larger house (We had seven children) so Mom could have her own room. She said, no, we were asking for too much.
Mom ended up dying in our front room because we had no place for her once she advanced to the hospice stage. (BLESS HOSPICE!!!)
Don't trust anyone when it comes to parents and their money. But do your best for your parent or in-law while you are able. It's a blessing.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Its the root of all evil, that's for sure! My husband's dad lives with us, now 12 years, and his two siblings only call to get updates on their Dad, to see how close to death he is. Little do they know, that they will get only a pittance of their inheritance, as they have never been involved in his life, and certainly not his care, since thei6mom died 12 years ago. Get it all sorted, lock stock and barrel, the Will, everything, as those vultures come circling in looking for money when its all said and done, and won't they be surprised! I'm not sure why they think they are in titled to Anything, but they do. And there's not a lot to even get excited about, it's his money until he dies, and we are doing everything we can, to keep it safe for him, he still/probably will need it, in the event he needs nursing home care, but those vultures still ask the Old Man for money, and he keeps telling them No, he is living on his pensions, and has nothing at the end of the month, so please don't ask, but they still do. They have conned their parents out of so much over the years, it's sick, and they are now in their 60's, still asking! WTF! We will see, as time goes on, what lengths they will go to screw things up, but we have done all we can to keep him safe.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter