My sister is threatening me with court over Mom. Advice?

Defamation occurs when someone makes a false statement, written or spoken, that is designed to ruin someone's reputation. It's a civil matter, not criminal, and you would have to prove that what she said has damaged your reputation.

What did the letter from the attorney say? I know it said you were abusing your powers as DPOA but what did the letter say you had to do?

They're filing for some sort of protection? Or relief? What does that mean? Is your sister trying to get guardianship over your mom?

I think you need to get an attorney.

What are your Mom's health issues? Is she competent? Is the POA standing or springing? Where do you live? Where does Mom live? What sort of care does Mom need?

If you are thinking a defamation suit, it will be difficult to find an attorney that will take it as most likely the amount that would be recoverable isnt enough to make it worth their while.

Oo.

Going through lawyers sounds like a very expensive way of communicating. What, actually, is your sister's beef?

It sounds to me as though your sister is preparing to file for guardianship. Is mom competent? Does Mom have a lawyer? Your sister's lawyer is not going to answer to your questions. Call your sister, nicely, and ask her what it is that she wants, how you guys can settle this amicably. Does she want to come to doc appointments, does she want to know how mom's money is being spent? Find out. From her.

As far as defamation, I have numerous emails and letters from her lawyer accusing me abusing my appointment without any proof.

My mother has dementia. She is not mentally competent. Prior to losing her capacity (years before she became sick), my mother named me to take care of her health and finances. This was known to everyone in the family, and my sister even helped my mother to execute the Power of Attorney with an attorney.

My sister and I have not gotten along because I confronted her regarding finances stemming back to when my mother when she became ill. She had my mother sign over her house to her for $1, when my mother was unable to really differentiate "yes" and "no." I was living at my mother's house trying to take care of her, and she evicted me (meaning my mother had to leave as well). She sold the house recently and my mother has not received any profits from the house. I do not have money or time to fight this matter, I've already talked to several lawyers who have told me the cost to fight this will exceed $20,000. I'm really not looking for this anyways. I would just like to take care of my mother in peace and I'm not looking for a payout. However, my sister has made it beyond difficult to do this, and the stress and burden she has placed on me is taking it's toll.

As a result of everything, my sister cut herself out of my mother's life. She did not visit or call for a period of 3 years. Before she stopped visiting, she would come over to the residence we lived in and started fights which would visible agitate my mother. I would call her to ask her to visit my mother, and she would defer conversation to either her husband or she would call me a "b*tch" and hang up. I of course was not going to chase her down.

Back to the topic, her lawyer is also asking for frequent visitation, which I have allowed. My mom lives in my residence with my family. They are unhappy with my terms of visitation, and demand that I go out of my way to make it convenient for my sister.

I am unable to speak with my sister, as has requested all correspondence be through a lawyer. An attorney I spoke with told me I have a right to protect my property/home, and that if she's not a CoAgent that I can set any visitation guidelines I would like.

This is clearly a huge mess.

I think you should call the police, actually. Your sister has, essentially, stolen the price of the house from your mother. Why not give them a ring and ask whom you should speak to regarding fraud? - worst case scenario, they say it's a civil matter and you're no further forward; but if you explain that your mother lacked capacity at the time of this notional house 'sale' it could all take on a different complexion.

The thing is, I hugely respect the genuine efforts you have made to preserve what's left of your mother's relationship with her other daughter; but if the objective fact is that that daughter has stolen her money… I'm just not sure you can afford to ignore it. You have POA. You are obliged to protect your mother's interests. I hope that thought isn't making you feel worse.

Does your mother have a good income that your sister is trying to obtain control of while you still doing the unpaid caregiving?

I agree, as DPOA, you could have and should have reported the fraudulent signing over of her house, a formal complaint. Fact is if Mom needs Medicaid within five years, they won't pay unless there is a criminal complaint against your sister and an attempt to get the money back. Let her sue for Guardianship, no Judge will award it to her after she bought the house for a dollar and sold it for a profit. Tell her you'll see her in court.

"See ya in court, Sis."

Pam or Jeanne, do you think a report of the house dealings to APS would do any good? I wondered if there would be something that could be done without the expense of lawyers. This sister sounds malicious. I don't know what she is after. Sg2000, is there any money left that might be interesting your sister?

sq2000, just one quick question. How did you get the down payment for your house after you sister booted you out of mom's place?

Another quick question: who is included in "your family" that your mother is now living with? Were you all living in your mother's house previously?

I'm sorry that you and your mother have all this conflict. Looking after someone with dementia is hard enough without it.

I was told the police would not do much, being that it would take research time and money to prove my mother was not competent. The transaction of the house was for $1, which means it technically was not gifted. The court does not look at whether it was sold for $1 or fair market value (unless you can prove she wasn't mentally competent).

One condition of visitation that my sister's lawyer originally agreed to was that my sister had to provide supervision (in the form of a police officer) to ensure everything went smoothly. However, they're now saying it is not cost convenient for her (ironic, because she made a profit on the house she sold).

I am not comfortable with her being in my house alone because of her temper. I feel that it would be in my mother's best interest that she was supervised to ensure she does not start a fight. My mother has been in such a good place considering what she is going through, and I have noticed that disruption has throws her off (and I'm the one who does the work to get her back on track, while my sibling leaves).

My sister's lawyer does not agree, and if I do not agree to their terms I guess they're going to take me to court. It's extremely unfortunate.

I also do not believe she is seeking guardianship. Her husband would look at that as a major inconvenienced (I could tell he didn't like when she would stay over for the weekend prior to her becoming fully handicapped).

There's 6 siblings in all. It's essentially myself along with my 3 other siblings against my sister (and other sister, but that's a separate mess). 4/6 would not sign off on her receiving Guardianship.

You don't have to let anyone in your house. See her in court.
Get the medical records that prove mom was incompetent at the time of the signing. Get the house sale records. Get all Mom's bank records. Then ask the DA and not the police, to investigate a case of elder abuse, fraud and punish the offenders. Prosecutors don't cost you a dime.

Pam,

Thank you for the advice. I'm going to look into this, I've already requested medical records and I'm going to look into the sale of the house.

It's funny, because my sister never denied my mother was not still an owner (after she signed over the house, she maintained that my mother still held ownership). I have letters from a previous lawyer dealing with the eviction that they would be unable to sell the house because too much money was owed and there would be no profit (despite the mortgage balance being $0 in 2007). Plus they said my mother owed them money for work that was done in the house (without her consent, obviously). Can you believe that their lawyer told me to take my mother to public housing?

I went for a consultation with a lawyer, who told me that I had to allow my sister into my house to visit with my mother, and that courts will agree but will probably limit visitation to twice a month. I'm not totally against her coming to my house (even though I do not want her there) because it is her mother. I am just in favor of limiting visits and requiring supervision. I'm trying to act in my mother's best interest which her lawyer does not seem to understand (they believe I'm acting selfishly.)

I just have to say I am tired of being railroaded and being made into being a bad person. I know that this is all being done out of spite. I do not feel that my sister is even being sincere or else she would not have stopped visiting my mother and she would not be terrorizing the people who take care of her.

I firmly believe my sister owes my mother an apology for everything she has put us through, and I would love to make that a prerequisite before visitations continue. Just because my mother has dementia does not mean she is any less of a person.

Sorry this is happening to you.

As others have said you and your other siblings need to see this sister facing charges. She committed fraud, IDK who you're talking to with this "the police won't do much", you need to pursue this, no one in their right mind sells their home for a $1.

If you keep going until you find someone who will handle this.

Get all the paperwork you can on this, the timeline, when you were forced out of the house, and go after her.

Forget about an apology, you won't get one. And you don't have to let her in YOUR HOME, I would call the police if she shows up and won't leave. Get a restraining order against her.

You need to stop handling this like you're dealing with a rational person, you're not.

Just from reading your comments I can tell(I know because it is normal and tried this mindset with my own brother until I realized I wasn't dealing with a logical person) you're looking at this as "why is she like this?", throw that out the window, accept she is a monster and act accordingly.

Good luck.

In addition to what Pam said, if you live in a large city, there might be a special unit of the Prosecutor's office that deals with crimes against the elderly.

It is confusing about the house and the amount of money owed. Was your mother the only name on the deed? Did someone take out a second mortgage? Home equity loans were plentiful before 2008, so I wondered about that. It was a time when many people took out loans, then watched their houses go underwater the next year.

"Tell me what you want, and let's work this out. I'll be spending mom's money on my lawyers. You'll be spending your own. Is that really what you want to do? If you want to communicate with me directly, I'd be happy to hear from you. Tell your lawyer I want no further communiques from him, and, if that's what you want? I'll see him and you in court."

Return her attorney's letters "to sender" unopened.

If you've done something wrong with your mom's money yourself? Be worried. If not, call her bluff.

Ask your lawyer what is the next step and whether APS or police should be involved. It sounds like you have ducks in a row and she is desperately trying to bully you into letting her keep her Ill gotten gains, and has either found herself an unethical lawyer willing to help her, or has lied to an ethical one. If the facts and evidence you have are correct, she can't win this.

As far as the deed, my sister and mother were joint owners. When I stepped in to take over my mother's healthcare and finances, my sister maintained my mother still owned her half of the house. I was paying the mortgage (which I can prove). I went to her to ask if she could sell the house or buy my mother's half out so I could A. Take my mother somewhere else that was more handicapped accessible to live, and B. So my mother could pay for some of her debts. This is when the trouble started.

I spend my mother's money on her. I even spend my own money on her because what she gets from SS isn't enough. I jacked my credit cards up paying for diapers and medications. My sister's lawyer said in a letter that a court will allow them to view my mother's financial records, which I think a load of crap.

What's funny is that my mother and my sister never saw eye to eye. My sister would yell at my mother even when she was showing signs of dementia. I now see why my mother appointed me to take of her. My mother's dignity is so important to me and it drives me absolutely crazy that her own child would cause so much controversy around her in a time when she is unable to speak or defend herself.

That your sister was on the deed with your mother and you wanted to move her to a better place changes things completely. Since the mortgage was zero in 2007, you must have made payments before then. You and your sister would have to work out any compensation between yourselves. Legally I don't see any way to proceed under these conditions.

You don't have to let your sister come to your home unless she has interest in it. You can have your mother meet her elsewhere. I found the idea of police supervision to be a bit strong. Maybe family supervision would be more reasonable??

I would just try to understand what she wants, then work with her to try to mend the broken fences some. But of course, keep the defenses up around your mother and yourself. Since your mother is not wealthy, apparently your sister just wants to see her mother without hiring a policeman?? Just guessing here, since the situation is confusing to me.

I think the court would allow your sister visitation with your mother just as they would with a child.. As Jessie says you probably don't have to allow this in your home providing Mom can travel somewhere else for the visit.preferably transported by a neutral party and Mom does not point blank refuse. i have no idea what sis is trying to achieve but these fights usually involve money that either your mother has or sis thinks she has. i am assuming the mortgage became zero when the house was sold. Were there any contractors leins on the house that had to be paid off before the title was cleared. how much money are we talking about here and how much was the mortgage that you paid each month? Is your mother actually declared incompetent or do you have the POA for when she becomes so. I fully understand that Mom becomes distressed by interactions with your sister. Do you work? if not how do you support yourself? Does your mother need full time care at this point? How does your lawyer suggest you proceed.?

When the house was sold is also a major consideration. Say, if the house was bought for $200K and Sister was co-owner, then we could assume she had $100K interest in the house. Suppose in 2008 when housing prices plummeted, she paid $1 to take on the house, then paid $30K to bring it up to market and subsequently sold it for $150K, there would be no profit. This is taking into consideration the half that Sister owned, the amount invested in improvements, and the commission and closing costs. It is the way of real estate. We would have to have some numbers to know if profit was made. I see nothing illegal in the dealings if this is the way it went down.

What I do see is sibling conflict. I wonder who is doing the fighting when visits happen. Is it the siblings?

As far as the mortgage goes -- it was $0 at one point. I believe my sister took out money to fix up the house, but the amount of money she took out certainly did not go back into that house. Major upgrades and renovations were made after we left. I believe what I was paying on the mortgage was the money that she took out.

If I am unable to reverse the actual transaction for $1, wouldn't I be able to sue on behalf of my mother citing Promissory Estoppel? My mother's money was paying the mortgage and making upgrades into the house based on the belief and promise that she would be receiving half of the sales proceeds. Why else would she pay someone else's mortgage? This is something I plan on speaking to an attorney about.

I agree that the police presence is a little bit strong, but no one else in our family wants to be involved because they disagree with what has happened. My sister's attorney is the one who proposed a police officer be present at their expense.

You're getting into a twist here. If your mother was not competent to transfer the house, she would not be competent to understand the sales price would be split. This would be only if there was a profit, I'm sure. I'm very confused on what mortgage you were paying. It had to be in your sister's name if she owned the house. Did your sister put anything in writing about what would happen if the house was sold? If not, did she discuss it in front of many people? There are such things as oral contracts if they can be proven. They have a hard time standing up in court if there are no witnesses. I usually figure that if it isn't in writing, it won't hold up in court. It will just turn into a "he-said, she-said."

My sister made this known to all of our other siblings. There are 6 of us, and the other 4 siblings are well aware of this agreement. I know at least the 3 siblings I still talk to are willing to vouch that this was the agreement (the other one won't because she's a substance abuser).

I am going to consult another attorney with my other siblings with the information of the sale of the house. I appreciate the everyone's comments and concerns.