Sis is helping out a bit more regarding taking mom to the doctors office which is a great help to me. She said that she has been feeling so guilty so thats why she is doing it. She and her husband are still very nasty to me. So last year they said at Christmas that this will be their last Christmas up here with mom and me as they want to start spending the holidays with her husbands family and grandchildren. We were all relieved about this. So I asked my ex-husband if he would like to come over this year and he said yes. Prior to this year my sis said that if he was coming they would not be here and of course mom wanted sis which makes sense. Anyway so yesterday they were up here and stated that they were going to be coming up for Thanksgiving this year and I was shocked and said why? BIL son is having 20 plus people over there and they do not want to go now so because they have no where else to go they want to come here. I told her my ex was coming and she says oh thats ok. Then I told her I would have to talk to my sons who do not speak to her after all the bad behavior that she put us all through over the last year. She has been doing this to me my whole life and frankly I do not want them here at all. I told her I have to talk to my sons because it is up to them, its either her or them and if they won't come then I will cook dinner at my kids house. She said oh I will buy the turkey. Really? Then she says after all I have done for those kids I will just cut them out of my will. (its always about money and has been) I said well you already cut out my younger son months ago because he was sticking up for me and mom. As far as I am concerned she has burned all her bridges with my family and there is no amount of money that can change this. So here I was looking forward to a peaceful holiday and now I am not sure what the boys will say as its up to them. I will tell them I do not want her here but if they say its ok then I will try once again to make peace. Any advice?
Last year when she reminded me at my mom's bedside about it I said I would be skipping it and that under the circumstances I wasn't in the mood.I was amazed how quickly everyone else in the family jumped on board with me and also skipped it.
No offense to my sister but just the fact that she wanted to carry on as if our mom wasn't even sick just galled me and since I never enjoyed going to her place to begin with it worked out just fine for me. Wonder what will happen this year?
In my case, I don't plan that my sibling will ever come through on any promises and I just plan accordingly. My sibling sounds much like your sister, saying one thing one day, something different another day, and being unreliable. Rather than being angry and disappointed about it, I just don't rely on my sibling when something is important to me. Once, I told my sibling how important something was to me and the response I got was, "But it's not important to ME." After that, I make sure I get what I need from other sources.
It's not "up to the boys". It's up to you. If you don't want to be around your sister, then don't. Go to your son's house & have the holiday there. Let your sister & BIL hang out with your mother, cook the dinner & clean up afterwards. Let your sister buy the turkey, as well as everything else that goes with it---or let her take your mother out to a restaurant to eat. You CAN have a peaceful holiday---it's YOUR CHOICE whether you're going to let yourself have that or not.
Don't let your sister's nasty comments bother you. When she says stuff like she's going to cut your children out of her will, don't even give her the satisfaction of a reply. Ignore it. You don't need the stress & aggravation.
Cutting toxic relationships out of your life is necessary if you want to maintain your sanity.
Usually used by adult kids who have their own "home" to refer to their parents' home.
Why do we do this, and why do some kids never "come home" even when their parents would dearly love it?
I told her that I might be having someone coming in at that time and she said "don't you have a sofa I can use!". What about her husband... She has always bossed everyone around and I am the passive one although I am older than her.
What do you say to someone like that?