Anyone else out there single and caregiving?

Dating and caregiving? I think they are mutually exclusive! ;)

Seriously, it is a challenge - when is there time to develop romance if you are caring for a loved one? Almost a miracle, I'd say.

im available on an online dating site or two but among my other percieved dysfunctions, im pretty sure that any guy living at his mothers house is considered a bum. its a stereotype ill just have to live with , back in my new house again , eventually..

Yes - but I gave up on dating a long time ago. Now I don't have that much freedom - I'd just like to be free to go out on a week-end night to see a concert or play with girlfriends! I keep telling myself I enjoyed my freedom in my own apt for many years, but now it's a different phase in my life and I have to try to enjoy whatever free time I do have without mourning too much what I've given up. And of course it will be over someday and I can resume a "normal" life I hope. I don't think anyone really gets through life without some sacrifices of our time and I guess it makes us better people in the long run.

Single guy with mom, well, unless you are like Norman Bates and like stuffed things, a good woman would think highly of what you are doing for your mother, if not you're more than probably better off without her. I just want some friends to hang out with, talk with, go to movie, bike ride, just friends to enjoy, I am kinda feeling more and more like Tina Turner in "what's love got to do with it."

I am a single, full-time caretaker for my Mom. Like daughteralone, I gave up on dating when I started this caregiver journey. I had a very active life before this; now I am recycling myself in a new role. I imagine when I can no longer do this, I will just get on with what comes next. That's what life is, a series of changes and adjustments.

you gals ought to get some pics on here. granted, mine is kaiser wilhelm 11 but if you replace the green helmet with a bandana you cant tell us apart. ive been divorced and alone for 13 years. i wouldnt rule out doin a butterfly or a cat.

If I had time for a date...I think I would rather use it sleeping. Sad, but true.

i love to click thru the " lets meet " pics on the dating sites. it goes like: NO. NO. NEVER. GAAAH. NO. NO . A MILLION TIMES , NO !! seriously, its a leper colony..

Well, at least you guys helped me laugh through the day. Thank you for sharing your "adventures" and nice to know even though I feel alone I am not really alone...one day at a time right?

Cap'n you got to stop trying to pick up girls under bridges, it's a dead end.

@ madeaa, its a gold mine if your not looking for long term committment..

Oh and by the way, I thought you HATED cats and butterfies, more for the inert kind I suppose, get no lip back that way. har har

I have several friends that are men, and I still keep in contact with an old boyfriend, but I'm not out looking for a relationship. I have looked on-line at some of the dating sites, but there are so many of them, and I wouldn't know where to begin. On the other hand, if I did meet someone where things really "clicked", I would continue to go out with that person, if he were interested also.

dam*,
i had a dream a few months ago that had a hospice aid named chrissy or missy involved. tonight a new hospice aid named missy shows up. trippy. shes my age and cute as h*ll too. my dream was pretty uneventful. missy / chrissy, whichever was telling me my trike was parked out by the road, needed to move it . still trippy. this gal looks like the gal in my dream. thin, short hair..

I was single and a hermit before I started caregiving. I'm still a hermit. I create little caves for solitude or I'd go nuts. And, no .. not looking. Not even remotely. Mostly, cuz at 60, I'm a set-in-my ways old dog (yeah, use THAT word in your head, it'd fit .. mostly, lol).

LOL at all of your posts on here. Yeah, we're a bunch of lonely crazies... some more lonely, and some more crazy than others.

I went on my first date about a week ago since onset of full time caregiving life. I was surprised to find I'm pretty darn emotionally vulnerable in a way I wasn't expecting to be. I never thought of myself as "desperate" before but I felt that way, a little bit... it was like "please! like me! pick me! love me! I need rescuing!" Ugh. Didn't like it one bit.

So, yeah, mykabond, my advice is just to be aware that you're in a position thats putting great demands on you emotionally/mentally/physically/spiritually and then just go with it and let Mother Nature take its course. Just because you're caregiving doesn't mean you will or won't meet someone compatible. Online dating sites are probably the way to go since we don't have any free time.

Dating is impossible. I care for my mother and getting an adult sitter is expensive and not reliable. Making plans makes Mom and God laugh. Just learning to adjust to no help and no time for me. Change is life.

I definitely don't have time for both caregiving and dating. Simply impossible. I work every day, and after work I go to my mom's nursing home until late. My free time is to clean the house, run errands, sleep and have some rest. I can't definitely date !

If people are not caregivers they do not get it...I don't even engage them anymore. one friend said "why don't you put her in a home?"....I knew she was really saying "your not around to do stuff with anymore"...so it is one moment at a time and adjust.
I like that comment "If I had time for a date I'd sleep" funny..dating would be just one more thing to do!!! Put it on the LIST.. lol

You can bet that anyone who has not taken care of someone does not get it. I had people tell me to put my cat to sleep because I was moving and it was too inconvenient to bring him. Some people have no idea what it is to love and truly care for someone or something, but sure do know about their own needs. I am not saying that someone should not put their own needs first, I am saying that if you make the choice to take the responsiblity on for another human being or pet it is not to be taken lightly and some just can't get that concept, for some it scares them.

Great comments Madeaa. A couple of woman who showed signs of interest in me, thought that I was blowing them off when I said that I don't have the time or the energy to start a new relationship (my mother has Stage 5 Alzheimer's). In a way, I don't blame them, it is hard for people to understand the emotional and physical toll caring for someone with this disease takes on you.

captain, thanks for the giggles I needed that today :)

Lloyd, you don't need anyone that is like this, I'd say it is a terrific way to separate the dross from the fine metals.

Dating?? What is that? When I divorced about 19 years ago my child and earning enough money to keep us afloat was all that consumed my everyday thinking. I have been caregiving for family since about 2003 and raising my daughter who is ready to graduate college. Honestly I have not had time to even look for someone to date, if I am not running a 100 miles an hour to care for the house, the bills, my mother, the dog, then I am passed out on my bed asleep. I would love some companionship and to go to a movie or out to dinner or a weekend away, but I don't know how you do that. This job is so incredibly demanding that I do not know of one person who would willingly walk into it or walk into a relationship with someone doing it. Now if you are able to hire a caregiver to work in shifts with you which gives you time off, that is wonderful, however I am 24/7.

I left 2 days ago to go on a 9 day vacation and left my unemployed sibling in charge, she has called me screaming at me every single day, and swears she is moving and will never do this again. Nine days is all I wanted!

So although I would LOVE to have a good relationship with a man, it looks pretty impossible to me, in my situation.

God Bless You in your search! I hope you find someone, I really do!!!

Yes it is difficult to find the time for just about anything these days including dating. I know how you feel captain. I am on dating sites but too stressed to show my pic except here. I am single, looking for work for two years, intelligent, but also exhausted and miss the company of men. I have to get out there or I will go even more stir crazy than I already am...LOL

I think for women who are caregiving and dating, it is not so much going on the actual date, but getting ready before the date; i.e., shower, wash, dry and set hair, full make-up, pick out clothes. Clean up apartment before he arrives, if he is picking you up at your apt., etc. Even meeting a blind date for coffee at a local mall or something, involves getting somewhat dressed up. When I am doing caregiving, I virtually wear no make-up, mostly baggy clothes, and flats.

I've decided to reach out to my friends (men and women) and have "dates" with them when time permits. Even if it's just having someone over to the house and we sit on the deck while Mom and Dad are inside, watching tv (which is so loud, by the way, that I can hear it on the deck with the door closed!). I'm not tied down as much as many of you, yet, but it's still hard to date because I feel guilty when I go out, knowing that Mom and Dad are at home even though they can be alone for a while.

to daughteralone...Get a clue dear, if you can't get out at least once a week for R&R you will suffer loneliness and depression and won't be much good for yourself or your Mother. You are not an elder and you must have a life as well! Please find some dear friend to relieve you and stay with your elder for at least 6 to 8 hours twice a month at least! You may have to pay someone, network to find someone you trust with your elder. I have been there done that..never got a break and I got sick and lost the social beat..I am getting better now, and see how crazy "selflessness" is .

to lkmichael63- try' TV ears' ..sold at Radio shack. Your elders will probably like them..I cared for years for my Mother and the TV was a million decibels , I could hear it everywhere in the house. This is noise pollution .. Not good . Your parents will benefit a great deal , if they don't like them, you can return them. The house can be returned to a peaceful environment ..good grief, the loud commercials alone drove me crazy! Good luck!