Sibling threatening to leave dementia parent on door step. Is there anything I can do to stop this from happening?

Although you've provided a little more information ("back story"), there is still too much unknown. Did mom have assets to pay for AL? Was someone POA? Who is the "We" in "We are out of money"? Were her funds/assets just used up by AL or were they mismanaged?

If sister was POA, she should have been monitoring her funds and should have known the assets were running out. Action needed to be taken before that happened. If no one was POA, who was paying the bills? Has anyone provided accounting for where her assets went?

Regardless of why sister moved her or why there is no more money to pay the bills, the important factor in all this is your mother. She needs care. She will likely need a new place to live. It will have to be paid for somehow. If your sister isn't competent enough to tackle the Medicaid route, someone needs to do it.

Rather than asking if it's legal for her to drop mom off on your doorstep, ask what you can do to help out in making the necessary changes happen. This might require hiring legal assistance - not to protect you from her dropping mom off, but to help sort the situation out and get help for your mother.

My brothers were of very little help, early on in mom's care needs. Basically they more or less disappeared into the woodwork. I was managing everything for her, paying her bills, arranging repair/clean of condo to sell it, and much more, alone. Had mom been about to run out of funds, I would have been the one to search around and find another place for her and get through the Medicaid issues. I couldn't count on them for help. It would have been nice to have some help, even if just emotional support, but other help would have been even better. BE the support mom needs. If sister is that desperate, someone needs to take this on and bring it to a GOOD solution.

NOTE: to the best of my understanding, most Medicaid programs (federally funded, but managed by states) have their own rules and residency requirements. IF Medicaid would be needed, it would be best to work with the state she is currently living in.

Isn't there any other kind of agreement you can come to? Like finding a nice home Where she could live. Or another family member who might be willing to take her??

You need to talk to your sibling. Maybe they need some help or support which you are not providing. Care should never fall on one person. It generally does, and it shouldn't.

"...stop that from happening and what I should do in the event it does happen?"

I think talk. Now. With honestly. Aim: To diffuse this bomb.

Kindly joke your home is not a refuge for 'Granny Dumps'.
If you need to spell it out simple: Do not dump Mom here. It won't solve things.
Ask your sister what she REALLY needs?

You may choose to help her, to help find the next path for your Mom, or maybe you choose not to. (Based on the past, family history whatever). If so, make your boundaries clear.

I suppose you can't stop your Sister driving to your home.. but you do not need to answer your door?

Is she a caring type but naive & now maybe feeling desparate? Or a first rate drama lover, wants a showdown with you?

What's the actual likelihood of her driving off leaving an elderly lady out front alone??

If the chance is slim, work on diffusing your own worries. If high... 😨 I don't know! Hide inside & let a neighbour call the Cops??

it sounds to me that you not offering any kind of help at all.
I have an elderly mother with the help of my GF soon to be wife that helps me with my mother. I have a younger brother who does not lift a finger to help at all and will not. Are you that person?

If you are either say you don't give a flip of your mother or step up.. one or the other.

It sounds like a cry for help. Believe me it's not that I didn't love my Mother but I thought about that several times during my time I cared for my mom. You aren't there enough obviously so you don't see the things your sibling is experiencing with your mom. It is said it is the most rewarding job there is to care for a parent but it is also the hardest. You love your mom so much but there is nothing you can do to keep your loved one from slipping away and it is very hard to go through alone. The job of caregiving isn't always a physical weight to bear you need to step up and assist your sibling. Don't make them watch mom disappear alone, they will resent you for the rest of their lives if you do. I'm sure also a little of that frustration gets directed at your mom also so it could give your mother so much peace. She is confused enough about what is happening to her now she is wondering why her children are fighting because of her. If you can't give your sibling help maybe counseling would good, it always helps to vent to someone and you are not listening for a cry for help. I am praying for your Mother.

"Calling the cops on Mom" is a misinterpretation of why people call the authorities for "Help" or assistance. Transfer Mom from Missouri to Atlanta and then Wisconsin does not sound safe or wise.

APS, and 911 are in it together to assist elders who require more care than can be provided at home for a vulnerable adult. If you call APS, the sheriff/police are required to also investigate. The goal is to get Mom immediate care so there is no neglect.

People need to read the updates by the OP:
THE OP name is MADDOGS has said:
["Yeah there is a long back story. I will try to summarize. My mom was in a assisted living place in Missouri and was complaining about it so my sister about a year ago drove up and took her out of that place and put her in a very expensive assisted living facility in Atlanta. Nobody knew this was going to occur.]

MADDDOGS continues to state: [ "Jump to a year later and we are out of money. My mom is probably going to be discharged and my sister is planning to drop her off at my doorstep. My mom is 92, legally blind, has dementia and basically needs 7x24 care. Right now long term memory case is what she needs. I live in WI and I also do not have the money nor means to care for her in home. " ]

Many people here keep posting that the sibling must be suffering from burn out. In fact the mother was in a facility that this sibling placed her in that was expensive after removing her from another. It is with this disregard that we are now without money for a place to live. That responsibility lies with the sibling that created this mess. That said Send Help can and should look into legal control so that they can get financial support for long Term Care for Mom. Doorsteps are not safe and maybe even the home itself, stairs and location would make it not safe. Talk and research A.S.A.P. with your sibling and a lawyer for elder care.

Having dementia mom dropped off at your doorstep sounds like a terrifying scenario? Imagine your sibling who has been stuck living with her 24 hours a day, seven days a week? What kind of life do you think they have? Why is it you think you are entitled to not do the same share of caring for your mom as your sibling? She is equally your mom too. Is your sibling getting paid? If not, I'd look deeply into your own behavior. Your sibling needs help and probably asked for it a hundred different ways only to find the request falling on deaf ears.

Before you get to that point call Adult Protective Services ( or your local equivelent service) and they will arrange for her care. You or someone in family will be asked to become official guardian if she needs one.

Are you all living in the same area? Laws are different in different states. What are your mother's financial resources? It sounds like neither one of you can care for your mother, who has dementia. Can you find an assisted living/memory care facility that can care for her? The person with POA should be the one to find a safe and good facility for her, and if that is not you, you can certainly help. Your mother's assets and financial situation will determine what she can afford, unless you and your sibling want to and can contribute financially to her care. Get in touch with a social worker who can advise on the options for your mother and you.

Troll Alert!
You may be entering the twilight zone.

Has your sibling been sole care taker and is tired and thinks you should share the the responsibility or is there more back story here we need to know?

Ok I found and read the OP's background to this story:
"Yeah there is a long back story. I will try to summarize. My mom was in a assisted living place in Missouri and was complaining about it so my sister about a year ago drove up and took her out of that place and put her in a very expensive assisted living facility in Atlanta. Nobody knew this was going to occur.

Jump to a year later and we are out of money. My mom is probably going to be discharged and my sister is planning to drop her off at my doorstep. My mom is 92, legally blind, has dementia and basically needs 7x24 care. Right now long term memory case is what she needs. I live in WI and I also do not have the money nor means to care for her in home. "

I still have some questions. Does anyone have DPOA? Who signed the contract for the MO and Atlanta facilities? If sister signed her in to the last facility I'm sure they must have given her a "heads up" about funding so I would thing sister had to know this was coming and most AL and MC have very limited Medicaid beds (I'm generously guessing that there were none available in Mom's Atlanta AL when her funds ran out). Not sure from your post how involved you are with communication to your Mom but it sounds like communication with your sister is problematic and possibly has been for some time, although, if you know she is threatening to deposit Mom on your doorstep, there must have been some recent communication. It would also appear that your sister is unable or unwilling to complete a Medicaid application for your Mom. If none of you have funds for Mom's living options someone is going to have to do the Medicaid application because that is the only gov't program that pays for long term care. If your sister has been involved with Mom's care at the AL it would be best for her to make the application because theoretically, she has access to the needed documents (5 years worth of bank statements, birth, death and marriage certificates, etc) but she may just throw up her hands. Medicaid has to be applied for in the state in which the recipient resides. I would suggest you contact your local Office on Aging and explain the situation to them. They may be able to direct you to an eldercare attorney who can further explain the legalities of the situation. If Mom is dropped on your doorstep and sister speeds off you can call your local Adult Protective Service agency and ask for their assistance. Be aware that these agencies are always understaffed (even more so with the pandemic) and for an immediate response the subject (older person) must be in "severe and immediate danger".
If neither you or your sister has DPOA, the state of residence will need to appoint a guardian to oversee your Mother's welfare.

Good luck on this journey.

wow, so your sister that is taking care of your mother, and has her living with her, has for some reason (there are many) had enough of trying her best to take care of an elderly parent with dementia, and obviously is at her wits end, and you want to seek legal action against her?
Why?
nvm obviously I'm missing something here.

There must be more to it then this.
Has your sibling been mom's Caregiver and has burn out and needs a break or what?

Who is the Legal Guardian fir your mom.

There is nothing illegal about taking your mom to her kids house.

If neither one if ya'll want to take care of mom, then ya'll need to talk to each other and find a Senior Home for her to be admitted to.

Please don't stress your mom out.

Update; After reading a few posts, there seems to be some additional background for this. So pardon me sounding a little harsh - but understand it was based on the little info you posted here.

If you have a sibling that is this desperate, you really should be trying to figure out how to help the sibling instead of how to protect yourself. It's not terrifying for your immediate family - it's terrifying for your mom and the sibling. To even consider legal action against the sib, who apparently has her now, is a little selfish - IMO. Why not try to help resolve the siblings 'can't handle this alone anymore' issue. Would be a far kinder action on your part.

First off, if sib brings her to your house, what would be illegal about that. Assuming you are not a convicted abuser of people, she would be leaving her in a safe place...with family....correct? A responsible act.

Why not offer sib some relief? Go to mom and offer to stay a while or work out a REASONABLE schedule with sibling for you to take mom and give sib a break. Or sit down with sib and discuss a facility setting that is affordable to mom. If no money, it might be time to apply for Medicaid NH bed.

Reread your post so you understand how this sounds to those of us who get little to no help from siblings and I think you'll understand why this response might sound a little harsh. While I try 24/7 to avoid anger or bad thoughts about my own situation, if one of my siblings thought about legal action against me versus helping me I'm quite sure that would be the straw that breaks the camels back...way over the line on their part. My intent is to maintain the close relationship we've always had, but I'm afraid this would be much too much for me. - On the other hand, I don't know if your sibling relationship is as important to you.

I say the one that sounds antagonistic, regardless of her past efforts, is the one threatening with abandoning mother on the doorstep. Not very friendly to a situation that preferably should have been dealt in a peaceful manner and with enough time. Hints of a combative atmosphere between both. If no one has signed documents accepting the heavy responsibility/burden at times to look after mother, then the good advice of taking her to the ER, shared by a caring contributor might be harsh, but the wheels of government should come into motion, as long as papers have not been signed accepting responsibility. Very sad that plans were not in place foreseeing this moment. Many wash their hands of extreme situations as this one, some justifiably and some for plain indifference. Either way, a decisive and expedient action should benefit helpless mother. She is definitely not a package to be left at one’s doorstep. Can you imagine such scenario? A little malice on on that threat. A little late for recriminations for the life of a defenseless human being is sadly on the line. Pray heavily and act accordingly to what is best all around. Best of lucks.

I'm no attorney, but it may be considered elder abuse by just dropping someone off without prior arrangements. Whoever is threatening this action, maybe suffering from mental/emotional burnout from caregiving of your dementia inflicted parent.
Without any additional info, I would contact your local elder or
aging agency and inquire and inform these people to protect you from any
continuing threat of basically abandoning your parent. You could attempt to get
a restraining order if the court feels that it is warranted. Good luck.

If your sibling is going to do this to an elderly person who has dementia on top of it, then she should not be taking care of your mother AT ALL!! She is not qualified, she is maybe burned out or she is just not fit to caretake a person like this and your mother needs to be as far away from this individual as possible. If she put your mother on your doorstep that would be a blessing for your mother. If you cannot take care of your mother she needs to go to a nursing home or a memory care nursing home.

A. Get a notebook and start writing everything down. A Diary of sorts, with dates, numbers, names, etc. When you are upset and anxious you can't remember anything. WRITE it all down.

1. Talk to the sibling, if possible. They are threatening you which has put you on edge, no kidding.
2. If sibling won't talk reasonably, move on to one of these options:
Gerontologist
The former Assisted Living Residence
Your mother's doctor(s)
...because you need more information
3. Reach out to any and all resources in YOUR city and see what you can figure out.
4. Go to your church or synagogue or other religious establishment, if you are associated with one, and see if there's someone who can counsel you on elder care.
5. Get legal advice-- not to deal with your sibling, but to deal with your mom. Power of Attorney. DNR. Health Insurance. Medicaid. Bank Accounts. If mom is coming, you have to know all the who what and where. Refer back to #1-- write it all down.
6. Make lists. Take care of yourself. Try to make a plan for all eventualities. Get help from friends or other family who have been through a similar situation.

Unsure why this step would be taken unless all of you are at odds over care and or they feel it is your turn. Who has DPOA? That person is delegated to make decisions for her in her best interest, it appears that if no one desires to be her caregiver only DPOA can assigned her to nursing home and this might be best, so if they place her at risk for harm with her diagnosis then you all need to tell courts that she requires more help than you can provide and someone can be appointed her Guardian but I would start with who is assigned to make her decisions and to oversee her Healthcare decisions.
Unfortunately every family cannot work together and unsure why pre-arrangements are not made by parents instead of expecting their children to work this out. I feel most parents need to work out their own plans, and just stop trying to make their children take care of them. This is a burden for most adult children, but know this will take the funds away so you cannot have it both ways.

Financial realities are often quite harsh and people respond in a variety of ways. Maybe sister is the type to avoid things that are difficult/stressful and would instead threaten to drop mom off rather than deal with money issues and look like a bad guy. Sometimes, when the money's gone, people disappear from the elder's circle. Also, when money is gone, care options can be greatly reduced and that's hard to understand until it happens. A lot of things are self pay - but that's not commonly known unless one is in the middle of it and has had to decipher the system. Limited care options can be very scary and I've been there. I was also there when one of elder's sons washed his hands of mom's problems when he finally understood the financial well had run dry. If mom is currently self pay but is out of money, I agree with others that it's best to see if her current facility can keep her as a Medicaid- - even though that should have been looked into long before now. If she shows up on your doorstep, you'll need to quickly assess whether she is safe to stay with you for ANY length of time (mine would not have been) and respond accordingly. It sounds like your sister got in too deep trying to keep mom happy and spent the money too fast. I'm wondering what she thought would happen after the money ran out? Maybe there is some reason she doesn't want to pursue Medicaid or believes it wouldn't be approved? The application process was difficult when I did it, so I don't blame someone for not wanting to do it.... but someone needs to look after the elder. For me, once the application was done, it's just a matter of renewing it every year - which is simple by comparison.

The world is a mess. Money and economic income opportunities for everyone has not stopped or resolved the suffering of elders and how badly the human race now cares for their elders. I watch these videos of people in rural poor areas and it seems like the elders might be poor but, they seem healthy all barefoot with family all around, eating rats and snakes monkeys and non one has osteoporosis and they eat anything that swims and moves... Zoonotic virus nonsense. We need to study what it means to be civilized?

Not enuff info. Can you provide more? Is mom is living with your sister? Is your sister POA? Then she will be in trouble with the law. She can't just dump her mom. Especially if you haven't said yes. I need more info. Where is the mom living? Alone, with sister? Is she out of money or sister is burnt out? Why is she threatening to bring your mom over?

Your sibling sounds desperate... any way you can help her would probably be most welcome. It is completely draining to care for a parent with dementia. This sounds like a cry for help and such a disregard for what they must be going through. Mom would want to be in a place where she is wanted and cared for.

What would be Plan B if your sister fell ill or suddenly passed away? Who would take mom? What would need to be done then?

The points made by others here are excellent. However, no one has ALL OF THE FACTS and without full and open knowledge of all the facts, it is very difficult to make a judgment call as to why and what is making this happen. And apparently no one thought to think ahead when the day came that this lady needed special care. Problems like that do NOT go away. They must be discussed and appropriate plans made BEFORE THE SITUTION OCCURS OR DISASTER WILL STRIKE. Let's assume she does this - just drops her off at your door. I am no attorney but I do not think this would be legal, especially given she has dementia. First, I would immediately contact and elder care specialist who can advise you of your legal options. Second I would make a call to the police and go on record what could happen and what then? Third, you get the number of Adult Protective Services and keep them fully informed. You need to immediately start researching all of the facts involved and face them head on - you may not solve them but perhaps you will know what is going on. Then you must make some decisions as to what will happen if this does occur - and it looks as if it will happen. Do you keep her? Do you put her in a facility? All these ideas must be explored - N O W. Get going and start finding out everything. And, decide if you want to have anything to do with your sister in the future, break ties - or was and is she justified in "dumping" this poor soul. There are always two sides to all situations.

Imho, verbalize to your sibling that you CANNOT and WILL NOT accommodate her threat since your sibling was the one who put your mother in the expensive AL.

The next time she is threatening that, tell her in a very grey rock, monotone voice that if she does, you will call Adult and Protective Services and the police and report her for elder abandonment! And yes, this is a real thing! It is even more proveable in court if she knows your home is not condusive to give the elder what she needs to survive--- for instance if it would be overwhelming, confusing or dangerous for the elder!
I would like to know why your sister feels so overwhelmed and "stuck" in this situation that she is threatening to leave your mother with you? Do you take turns with caring for your mom so your sister can get a break? One thing you can do is contact Aging and Disability Services and get a caregiver to come in and give your sister and everyone else who is caring for her a break! Plus, caregivers have a lot of experience with this stuff and she/he could have valuable skills to show your sister to help!
You can also have ADS give your mom a SLUM test or a MOCA test to see the level of mental decline and maybe your mom would be better off in a care facility if that's an option your family would entertain!
I know that it's a tough situation, but you came to a great site/message board and I am sure someone here has better advice than I do! God bless you!