Should my grandmother attend my grandfather's funeral in person?

Sorry for your loss.  My father just passed in May after dealing with dementia for 6 years. Of course the virus things have made everything different. We visited with him 3 hours before he passed (due to covid it was the first time in 3 months since we had seen him). We had a small funeral (only 25 allowed) but very few people came, only 3 outsiders from the family (it hurt to only have that many show up but what can you do).  We did have a graveside also and a family gathering at my house.  Now.......is it possible for your grandmother to see her hubby before anyone else (like at the funeral home before services). that way she can see him without being exposed to others?  Sometimes the funeral homes will allow family to come visit before anyone shows up.  This way she can say her good-byes in private (of course someone should be with her).  Is she having any dementia symptoms that would make it difficult for her to wonder what has happened?  Only you know how she is going to possibly react but (personally me) I would want to at least see him "alone" to say goodbye and then take her back home with someone being with her.  If she is mentally still "with it" she might regret later not being able to see him one last time.  Wishing you luck in this situation. It is hard.

Also adding to my last statement, we all had to wear masks at the funeral and outside at graveside.  since it was mostly immediate family we were comfortable afterwards with no mask on at my house, no one hugged, but we got to say our good-byes.  I stopped yesterday to see if they had put the marker on my parents plot, which they did.......found out 2 other family members in same line.  I am sure most people right now (especially family members) know to keep distance and no hugging in situations like this, and also to wear mask.  Ask your grandma what she wants and be there for support which I am sure you will be.

She should go to the funeral in person. She can take it and you need to feel secure about this. If she wants, it should be a closed casket so she won’t have to see him. Personally, I think open caskets are barbaric, I never want to see a person i care about dead and I will not go to open casket funerals.

Health allowing, she should go in person with direct family.

It depends her wishes. But have it
outside graveside; with masks and social distancing; also ask people o forego giving their sympathies.

If your grandmother is traditional in funeral beliefs, then take her. We had a funeral in July and we kept my mother at the very front during the visitation night and away from people. One of her kids kept watch over her at all times to prevent anyone from getting too close to give the customary hugs.

Although we put a notice with the obituary that all attendees HAD to wear a mask due to mom being 96 years old, you have the usual non-masker behavior to challenge that request. Other siblings showed the non-maskers to an area outside the viewing/visitation room and handed them a mask - again, telling them mom is 96 and her (and caregivers) could not afford to catch the virus.

We handled the service the same way. Many chapels for service have an area specifically for the family. Ours didn't, so we reserved several rows up front with several rows of blank seating behind us. Prior to service, casket was open for public viewing. Masking for public was mandatory with a noted of explanation posted by the visitor's sign in book and on the entrance door. Family member ensured that rule was enforced. A few people opted to wait outside instead of putting on a mask.

At starting time, the casket closed to get everyone in their seat. AFTER everyone seated, family went to the front row seats - so no contact prior to service. After service, the casket was not opened again. All guests were routed out of the room away from the family, again, to avoid customary stopping to hug, hold hands, or close contact. All this worked out quite well for the family.

If discussed and thought out well in the planning meeting, your grandmother should be able to attend without contact by the public. You just have to make sure people watching the doors are able to confront people kindly and offer the mask or no entry option.

If your grandmother needs to "see him", try to arrange for a private viewing with just a few really close family members. This could be before the "public" viewing. I would put out a book for people to sign and offer condolences to your grandmother. She could read them later. This will limit her COVID exposure and allow her that experience for closure. Something similar may be set up for a graveside service. In this challenging year, the mortuary service should be able to find ways to accommodate your grandmother's needs as well as keep her safe.