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I guess this question is a financial one. I am so weary, I’m not sure.


I have both parents on hospice in their home 2 hours away. They have had very debilitating illnesses for over 8 years, and while they have 24 hour aides, I have been there. I have no other family to help.


I am too exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically to go into more about their diagnoses... it’s in previous posts.


We have tried to meet spend down 6 times, with them being over resourced each time. Cashed in their life insurances, pensions, etc to pay for care. Almost at spend down again; then their small parcels of land sold.


Enough money to pay for care a few more months, but not enough to enter into a facility as self pay.


They are down to $2300 in the bank, total, and I will not be able to pay their caregivers next week. The land won’t settle for a few weeks.


Should I cash in the rest of my retirement to pay their caregivers?


I don’t know what to do.


My financial situation is awful.... I am an only daughter dealing with this, and after very aggressive breast cancer 2 years ago, my finances were obliterated, and I have many health issues from the hard treatments. My health is poor. I was diagnosed last week with lupus and other autoimmune diseases, and have applied for disability, but am waiting.


Even though their choices have caused me and my son great stress, I love them and want them to be safe.


My daddy’s getting worse, and I don’t want them to be afraid about every dime.... I do not think he will be here much longer.


The stress load is overwhelming.


I’m only 50, and feel like I’m 100.


if I cash out my small retirement, it may be worth it to lessen a bit of the stress.


I just don’t know what to do.


Thank you, to anyone who replies.

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No, definitely do not cash in your retirement. Call Medicaid and ask them for emergency assistance. Also call Adult Protective Services and ask them for assistance. If both parents are on hospice with no way to pay for caregivers, APS should be able to do something.
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Murphy24 Mar 18, 2019
Staaarrr, I can try to call APS, but will get nowhere with SS.
Thank you for the suggestion.
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Do Not Cash in Your Retirement!

Do what others here have told you or/and push back paying the caregiver for a week or so. I understand that you feel that if you cash is your retirement you may have less stress. But it sounds to me that you are so worn out and stress out that right now would not be the time to make any decisions. I don't think you are thinking clearly right now.

You should not have to use your money to help with your parents. You are going to need that money.

You need to find a way to take care of you to. Your body and your emotions have been through a lot. Be kind to yourself.

Hugs!!
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Murphy24 Mar 18, 2019
Shell,
you are right. Maybe I am not thinking right. I think sometimes I am ready to give up. I don’t mean to sound so defeated, but I’m just tired.
Tgank you for the mercy and gentleness.
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Please don’t cash in your retirement plan. You may or MAY NOT be able to buy yourself back in (check with your employer’s payroll department) but even if you can, you’ll be more vulnerable to adding to your present worries by creating a worry of your own.

Have you been in touch with a bank or other financial agency regarding types of tools to help you with this short term emergency financing?

How about your county or state adult services?

Absolutely contact your local Social Security Administration Office and ask about EMERGENCY Medicaid support, as well as your hospice provider.

You may find yourself feeling a little stronger when/if you start asking the questions.

Breathe, pray/meditate, know that there are people here who care!
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Murphy24 Mar 18, 2019
Ann, I wish their social services was better. It is really abysmal.
They are known as the worst county in the state to deal with. One facility in my county had to sue them to obtain medical records. It’s sad.
im going to try not to take out any more of my retirement.... I had to take out a chunk to live off of while I was going through the cancer treatment because I got so sick.
thsnk you for being so sweet.
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Have you asked your parents' bank about a "bridge loan"? These are commonly done when there is a property waiting to settle, most often when you are buying another property. But I would ask anyway.

Do NOT cash in your retirement savings. That way lies madness.
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You don’t say how much you’ll owe the caregivers, but if it’s an agency could you stall them for a week? Or could you take a cash advance loan from a credit card and pay it back when the land sells, with lots of documentation of what’s it’s spent on? Would that pass Medicaid muster? I’m no financial whiz but I cringe when I hear people taking money from their retirement plans.
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Murphy24 Mar 18, 2019
Rocketjcat- it will be about 1700 per week for the private caregivers and that does not count the agency they gave for weekends. The agency will take a later payment, but the private ones won’t.
Thus is not a pitiful statement, but according to medicine, I’m not going to be here to reach retirement.
But God has the final say.
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No, do not jeopardize YOUR retirement to provide for them.
Take then both to the ER and tell them you physically can’t care for them anymore. The social worker will be forced to place them in a facility. They should qualify for Medicaid (Medi-Cal in California) since they have practically nothing in the bank.
I know this is drastic but you can’t financially ruin yourself. You and your son have many years left and you must have a backup.
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NO!!!! Don't cash out your retirement.
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I agree: Do Not Cash in Your Retirement!!!

You would be ADDING to your financial problems and not solving your parents' financial problems.  All you would be doing is exchanging one problem for another problem.  Because you are only 50 years old and have health problems of your own, you have to save your financial resources to pay your health expenses and your son's health expenses.  Even if you receive disability payments, your son could end up in your situation--having to use his money to pay for your health care expenses. 

Talk to the bank that handles your parents' accounts and see if there is any way to get an cash advance or a loan based on the sale of the land.

Contact the agencies mentioned by the other people.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this situation.  You need to take care of yourself and your son also.  You and your son need to do activities (either together or alone) that you find relaxing and uplifting-- whether that is meditation, prayer, listening to soothing music. (I find that when I am upset or angry or up-tight,  listening to music that has a strong bass or drum beat or has an "angry" sound helps me to release those angry feelings and allows me to then listen to more relaxing and soothing music.)

{{HUGS}} and Prayers 🙏
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Shell38314 Mar 18, 2019
Isn't just crazy how music can change our mood?
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Your parents need a long-term financial solution. Cashing out your retirement is NOT it.

Do your parents have credit cards or line of credit? Can you get a home equity line of credit from their home?

Your first priority is having a rainy day fund for yourself.
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Please don't cash out you retirement fund!!!!! At 50 years old you need to be building this up not depleting it. You need to try and protect your future!

Do your parents own a home? If so could that be sold and that money used to pay for an assisted living or nursing home for them? Or even for more caretaking in their home?

How is it they are over resourced if they are down to $2300?
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