I don't want to be a caregiver to my mother (moderate stage Dementia).
She cannot take care of herself, let alone my dog, the house, bills, etc. I do it because I want to take care of my dog, that I gave to my dad as a companion years ago while he was taking care of my mother and her slipping, mental condition. He passed away this July, and there's no one else to take care of her...so I am....
She won't move anywhere.
She doesn't want strangers in the house.
She doesn't go anywhere - got into a car accident ~10 yrs ago, so my dad wouldn't let her drive after that. She refuses to take the Call A Ride bus that services elderly to go places.
She goes to bed around 1am and gets up around 1pm.
When she's awake, she's mostly selfish, mean, narcissistic.
She sundowns badly. I am immune to any of my own feelings of grief, when she asks who her husband was, did he die, if he was my father, etc.
She won't go shopping, doesn't cook, doesn't know how to use a microwave etc.
I'm lost. I don't want to give up my life to take care of her. There are beautiful ALFs in my area, and she won't even go INSIDE when I take her.
Is this truly a life sentence? Has anyone successfully gotten out of it? The longer it goes on, the more people think I'm going to do it forever, when the truth is I didn't know where to begin when I started doing it, arranged my life around it thinking it could work itself out, and it isn't. People assume I'm going to do this forever and I'd sooner not live at all than live doing this.