Rehab wants to send him home!! I'm not ready for him to be back here. Help?
End of May, My Father (who lives with us for 5 years) was hospitalized for human meta pneumonia virus (very contagious!) After 4 days in the hospital he was transferred to a rehabilitation facility to regain his strength & breathing.
I needed this 2 week break from him. Being his fulltime caregiver for 5+ years has exhausted me to a breaking point.
I found out this week that he's been telling his friends he wants to die!
Rehab wants to discharge my father on Friday morning. I'm not physically or emotionally ready for him to come back to my home yet. He's been in there 19 days on Friday. He has Medicare A, B & D along with Federal BCBS.
We caught him with 2 large empty Bourbon bottles in his room right before I dragged him to his Dr. which eventually led to him being sent to the ER for being so sick. He was buying it while out with his senior friends & hid it from us. We took his money & debit card away since he thought he had the right to do as he pleases. He's on 20 prescriptions. His Drs flipped out when I told them about his new drinking.
Help?? Can the rehab force me to take him home? I lied & said I had the flu when they called tonight. 😞 I'm so worn out & cry from the pain I'm in from this extra stress.
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He should not be returned home in his condition.
Someone suicidal cannot be cared for at home. You are not running a psychiatric
facility, and until he is stabilized (after bourbon overdose + 20 meds) and feeling better, his placement should be appropriate for his condition.
Refuse to take him home.
SnoopyLove,
I like how you said that:
"Your home is no longer available".
I know he hadn't told them about his recent drinking binges. I told his primary Dr & all of his ER Drs.
Should I relay this info to the rehab tomorrow? Or call his primary Dr. about it? Both??
The reason this is important is that if he is legally competent to do so, the person who will consent to his discharge from the rehab facility is him. The facility will ask him where he is going, and if he says "home" meaning to your house, where he's been living for five years, it will be assumed that that is where he is going.
So everyone is right: you need to get in there fast and intervene.
I don't know whether anyone has suggested to him that he himself might prefer living in a facility? Is it an option that has ever been explored?
I don't know how my mother put up with him for 50 years!!!
Amother incident almost burned their house down with them in it!!
We were visiting them for fathers day bbq, as We did many times before.
This time, after we left dad decided to scoop all of the used charcoal into their plastic garbage can. He closed the lid & went inside.
Thank God someone saw black smoke coming from their house!!! The garbage can caught fire as did the garage door it was next to!!! Fire was blazing up to the roof!! Dads co2 machines were in there!
That Angel who saw the smoke, stopped banged on the door. My parents inside didn't hear the doorbell or knocking! Mom finally heard it opened the door & the Angel pulled her out yelling "your house is on FIRE!!!!" 911 got there & was able to save the house. Dad wasn't even rattled or remorseful that he almost killed them both! 😳🤬
My family ran up there asap & took charge of it all & tried to calm mom down.
See? My Dad has no common sense!
He believes whatever a stranger says & can be very easily manipulated.
Its exhausting watching out for him.
Hopefully, others with more experience will chime in but definitely you should advise the rehab that another placement for him needs to be found as your home no longer is available.
His primary asked if we should look into a mental health facility, after I told him about his drinking & will to die. But, he wound up being Dx with the pneumonia & admitted for that.
Im tired of his lies! Sneaking around after we're asleep. I'm taking better care of him than I am of myself. My family tells me this daily. I have helped cure Dad of his CHF he's been battling for 7 years!
He still has COPD, numerous back fusions, rods in back & significant hearing loss.
I bought him new hearing aids, he lost one & won't wear the other.
He let his teeth rot, so they ALL had to be pulled & he was fitted with dentures. He refuses to wear them!!
He's a PIA!!
My Mother had more wrong with her healthwise, but still took pride in herself until her body gave out.
Im disappointed in my Dad.
That is EXACTLY what some of the excellent experienced people who've posted have been warning about - do not fall for the "come home first, just temporary" ploy.
He can't be discharged to your home. No. Keep saying no. No no no.
And who appointed this home health agency? When did they get to stick their fingers in the pie?
Liaise with the rehab discharge SW and ONLY with her, and your Dad is going to the ALF and NOT TO YOUR HOUSE.
Of course his PCP is on vacation this week. But I did tell his nurse about it all yesterday.
I think your dad’s desire to die might not be metal illness. Wanting to die is not the same as wanting to kill oneself. He has had a lot of diseases. His spouse is gone. I think mentally healthy seniors (honestly) share this feeling. A lot of contributors to this forum feel this way also. Given his age and condition, quality of life and lifestyle, this may not be irrational thought.
Be truthful with your dad like you’re being with us. Tell him the living arrangement is not working for you anymore. Offer to take him to consider some housing choices. Maybe he can settle near some of his friends.
When you lied and said you had the flu, that was a big red flag. You don’t have to do this anymore. You need to be happy. You only have one life and this isn’t working for you.
If he is of sound mind, he has every right to use his money (return access to him) and it is also not illegal for him to drink (hopefully he wasn’t driving drunk). Even if it isn't medically advisable, he is a adult. If he’s competent, let him make his own mistakes like you would with any other adult not living under your roof. If he lives at your house, of course, you can have house rules.
Im going crazy!
Get what he needs sorted first. Yes, Medicare should cover a short term diagnostic stay in a behavioral health/psychiatric unit, especially if you keep harping on the fact that he is talking about suicide.
For Long Term Care, you will need to apply for Medicaid for him.
The SW didn't mention Medicaid! Once you told her Dads income, that should have been the next thing she said. He should be under the cap required. Get her to start the application now so he can be Medicaid Pending.
If the insurance policy has a cash in value, Medicaid may ask it to be cashed in. The money can be used to prepay his funeral.
What if I have 3 small life ins policies on him? Will they take them all aside from his funeral expenses?
Just received a call from a man working with the Drs & Medicare like a liason. He was very helpful also. Said not to bring dad home. Call the council of aging & get ombudsman involved if needed to have Dad assessed psychiatrically. He saw in dad's records he has mild dementia. Said it could be from drinking or the drinking could be a new thing.
I went through this with my mom. Hospital was discharging her after a bad fall to my dad with dementia. I was out of state, rushed home , 12 hour drive and began a furious battle with the hospital.
One thing that that helped me was a very tough lady, director of the assisted living I wanted to use. She talked to me on the phone, got me down off the ceiling, told me not to worry about the threat of huge hospital bills and told me to absolutely not accept my mom in the door.
It was the toughest few days of my life but I held tight and things got resolved.
You can do this!
Deep breaths and one thing at a time.