My father is refusing urgent medical care "for God". How can I make sure he's not rapidly declining?

FairyStars, how are things going?

Maybe your father just wants to go be with his wife and so he doesnt want to do anything to prolong his life. Therefore his response......"I trust God."

Has he talked to his pastor? Practicing his religion means that God expects him to use normal prudence in protecting his health - his life is a gift of the Holy Spirit and he should respect that.

Here's a modern day parable:

A flood is expected in town, and Mr. Townsend, a very religious man has turned to God to save him. In the morning, a person from Social Services comes by telling him they're there to help people evacuate the town. Mr. Townsend refuses to leave and says he is praying to God, and believes that God will save him.

Hours later, the waters have reached his waist, and he sees the fire-department in a boat outside of his house telling him they're there to evacuate him from the rising waters. Mr. Townsend again refuses to leave, saying that his undying devotion to God will save him.

A few hours later, the town levees have burst, and Mr. Townsend is forced by the rising waters to seek refuge outside on his own roof top. A coast-guard helicopter spots him, and one of the crew gets lowered down to him among the howling winds and rain and says he's here to save him. Again, Mr. Townsend says, "I don't need you to save me, God will do that" and refuses to be taken.

Within minutes, the rising waters become too much, he is swept off his roof and into the raging waters where Mr. Townsend eventually drowns.
Up in heaven, Mr. Townsend meets God and angrily says to Him: "I feel so betrayed, I put all my faith in You, and yet you did nothing to save me!"

To which God replies, "But I sent you Social Services, the Fire Department and the Coast Guard, and you refused them every time."

That's the version of the story I always tell, but I've been thinking, another ending to that story could have been that Mr. Townsend drowns, but is perfectly content, knowing that God was with him the whole time, and when he sees God, is at peace knowing that his faith DID save him.

Dear God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Does he have a personal physician? If he does, will he go to his physician for an annual "wellness" visit, rather than urgent care. His eyes and woosiness might be due to some other condition (diabetes comes to mind). Regular tests will find out if this is the case. Does he go to church? Can you enlist the priest to counsel him that it is good religious practice to go to the doctor and keep himself well?

Would he have a sight check with an Optician rather than trying to get him to the Doctor. Most elderly people (over the age of 40) wear glasses, so an optician appointment to check his glasses must be something he is used to and maybe wouldn't fight against so much. An optician will be able to see any issues with the eye and hopefully arrange for him to see someone specific if needed straight away after the appointment with them.

As a 70 year old myself..I think everyone has the right to choose what medical involvement they want. We can not force people into care. If you truly believe he is mentally unstable and unable to direct his own life there is a court way to take over his life. I believe it is called directorship. Personally I would step back and avoid the conversation. Debating this just prolongs the fight. He may get scared and ask you for help. PS: my brothers 65 yr old wife also refused medical care and after a few years she collapsed and died in the hospital 7 days later. My brother did everything he could to convince her to see a doctor..she refused.He felt she was mentally stable and able to make her own decisions. It broke his heart.

Get him a Plenary Indulgence issued by the church! Once dad feels he's forgiven for sin here on Earth, now, and after having gone to confession, he may THEN be willing to see the doctor.

https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/devotions/conditions-13362

I collect these Indulgences which are so important to a number of Catholics that they're framed and hung in a prominent location inside the home. Many of them are also quite beautifully ornate with their detailed artwork, a real treasure!

Talk to your parish priest about getting one issued. And having the priest himself talk to dad, and giving him Last Rites/Extreme Unction if need be, complete with the large cross, holy water and all the rest of the contents. That may be the wake up call dad needs to decide it's not time to be with Lord just yet.

Good luck!

FairyStars: Imho, that is sad that your father's fear of medical treatment is based on his wife's cancer. Perhaps his priest can intervene. Best wishes.

FairyStars: Call 9-1-1.

Accept your father's faith. Be prepared to accept you may grieve before he may depart and feel no guilt if you do so. Faith can be a powerful emotion so allow him to have it meanwhile understanding your faith/experience may differ. If you are in USA, know that laws protect elderly to an extent that sometimes seem an over reach.

You can try reading verses from the Bible where Jesus healed blindness, and the fact that blindness is not a 'gift from God' like he claims. I think you should arrange a doctor's appointment without telling him and order for him to be tested. The chances are that he should probably have treatment without delay. Maybe he thinks there's nothing the doctors can do for him and he has given up. I would still arrange for treatment and don't tell him about it. He sounds very stubborn and he refuses to admit that he needs treatment right away. You might want to try arranging a social visit on the same day of his appointment so he won't think he's just going to the doctor's office.

Pastor Joseph Prince has spoken about how getting medical care doesn't negate your Faith. You can find the sermons on YouTube. Remind him that God uses doctors and nurses as agents of His Mercy.

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.
Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."
The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."
So the rowboat went on.
Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."
To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the motorboat went on.
Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."
To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.
Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"
To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

The wide door to Nirvana/Heaven/Next Stage/etc is always wide open. Those who do not fear and consciously determine is their moment and choice to make should be given wide berth. Those who for emotional reasons/financial/moralistic/etc etc take it upon themselves to insist on what someone else’s path should or should not be, regardless of their good intentions, have to sooner or later come to terms with the solidarity of the self. A person with a sound mind, regardless of their age, should be ultimately responsible with their lives. Some get tired of hanging around, specially when truly loved and special people in their world have already departed, and may, longingly, to join them. Of course life is for those who want to live it! Each day a true miracle and a blessing, so I am not being disrespectful in any sense of the word. La vida por la vida! Best of wishes!

As a Roman Catholic he has the sacrament of Confession to forgive any and all sins. Maybe he just doesnt want to live anymore.

Give him two choices:

1) we go to ER and get you checked out or
2 we call 911 and have paramedics check you out

Good luck

I heard a joke once that may make your father realize he is going against God will by not accepting his help. It goes like this.
“A hurricane was approaching and evacuation orders were in place and they sent emergency workers to bring a man to a safe location, but the man said I shall stay. I trust in God , I will not perish. God will take care of me. And so the rain came and the waters rose high. Emergency services than sent a row boat to rescue the man again he said I have faith in God, he will save me I will not leave and he sent the row boat away. The waters rose higher so high that the man had to climb out onto his roof. Emergency services this time sent a helicopter to lift the man off the roof. Again the man said I have faith in God he will not let me perish. And so the man sent the helicopter away. The man drowned and when he came in front of God he said to God. I don’t understand I was a faithful servant I believed in you , I believed would not let me perish. God replied, I did not want you to perish. I sent emergency services to save you, you refused, than I sent a rowboat to save you, I you refused. Than I sent a helicopter to save you. You refused all the help I offered.
perhaps if you Dad can realize God is sending medical help for him and he should turn down God’s helpers.

I trust God for healing too, but I realize He often provides healing through those in the medical profession. I would suggest since he has a recent loss of vision and stomach pain to get him seen by a doctor this week. His symptoms can be from untreated high blood pressure, neurological issues... Without prompt treatment, I am concerned not only about his quality of life but his survival.

You could accept his wishes. It's his life, and he has apparently made a clear decision to not appeal to medical treatment. Because that's his right.

Is it not possible that your fear and grief and panic is possibly your own trauma of your mother's death?

Seek healing, counseling and be accepting of your father's feelings.

His Church is His Pillar of Faith. His Priest is the spokesman from God. Get his priest involved. Remember...it does not make any difference to God how long we live. God has taken him thru his life and it sounds like he is aware of that and trusts God to complete His Prescence in his life. He is focused on God and God takes control. Your Dad has this belief. His language to you indicates this. He exhibits....it is not important how long I live. You are facing loss of your father and everything you have stated is normal for you. If you are catholic contact your priest and he will help you get the same "perspective" of God being in control like your father.

Call 911.

Several have mentioned getting him to talk with his priest. That is the best idea for him. When I was caring for my mother, she would ask me "Why am I still here?" Sometimes she would be satisfied with "I still have things to learn from you" or "you are the only one who will give Lisa a job" , but sometimes I called her priest or his assistant to come and see her and leave them to talk and pray but at that point Mom was in her 90's and was really suffering from macular degeneration, hearing loss, and crippling arthritis. That is a very different scenario from what your Dad is facing.

I am 70 now, I think that is too young to just quit. Your Dad is probably afraid of the answer if he gets a diagnosis but just what if he has many, many years left and he just doesn't need to live them like this.

How about talking to his priest about God would want him to get medical care from those that God blessed with healing abilities. Perhaps the priest can do a home visit for communion and discuss. Or, if priest knows what your concern is, could talk to him when he visits the church for confession or other non-service time...when priest can approach and talk.

When people are this stubborn and idiotic, there is nothing you can do - they make their beds and lie in it - don't try because they will not cooperate. Have you spoken with an eldercare attorney for advice and do YOU have a power of attorney. Sometimes with legal clout on your side, you can find a way to make them get help. If not, don't fight - you won't win. You can't do what you can't do and he won't do.

Pray and let him know that you love him and will miss him and just want him to get checked out and it'll be up to him if he wants to do anything about it.
Let him know that God helps those who help themselves.
If he refuses help, there's nothing you can do about it.

If it were me, I’d take him to church. Ask your local priest to speak to him and tell him that God wants him to get well. That allowing himself to become a burden to his daughter is an affront to God.

I think a good priest is your absolute best bet.

Ultimately, it's his choice regardless of how wrongheaded it is. I have my opinions about what he'll find once he dies and it doesn't match his, but it's his life and as long as he's competent, it's his call.

I'd just say don't blow a fortune on the funeral. My FIL died suddenly after a fall, and my very Catholic spent nearly $40,000 she could ill-afford on his funeral.

Your dad sounds like my FIL. He died from a brain bleed after hitting his head, then angrily refusing to get checked out because he denied having fallen. He also needed knee replacement surgery for years and wouldn't take even an Advil for pain because he was such a know-it-all. His end wasn't surprising to me, but the rest of the family was absolutely stunned that this was how he met his end. He considered himself a devout Catholic, but various priests weren't good enough, he went to Mass to check off that box each week, and he'd never cracked a Bible in his life.

If I believed in any of that, I'd be very interested in what God had to say to him about his faith, pride, and ultimate end.

Might a chat with his priest help? I mean you could explain the situation and your concerns and then perhaps the priest who knows him could drop by for a visit and conversation with Dad.

Can you contact his parish priest for assistance.