My father is refusing urgent medical care "for God". How can I make sure he's not rapidly declining?

Does he have a priest who could talk sense to him?

This sort of belief used to be common in the Catholic community I grew up in.

If your father wants to ignore his heath at his relatively young age, I'd be trying to get him to see a mental health practitioner.

Make sure he understands that the consequences of ignoring warning signs (sent by God, who gave him a brain) can be serious issues down the road that will cause YOU trouble and inconvenience. I wouldn't be acting concerned around him, I would feign anger and annoyance at the trouble this is likely to cause you.

No doubt this is not want you want to hear, but your Father can make his own medical decisions (for or against any treatments).

This includes both good & bad decisions - but this is his right, as we all have - unless deemed incompetent.

Do you suspect decline/stroke etc has tended him unable to understand these decisions, weigh the information & make an informed decision?

FairyStars- you wrote: "making promises if he just has it checked then he does not have to get anything treated,"

Are you saying those promises just to get him to agree to see the doctor? Or are you really going to leave him be after you find out he has xyz diseases? I don't think you will be any less worried after you find out what's wrong with him.

It seems that your dad is adamant about NOT wanting any intervention or treatment for his conditions even if the conditions are treatable. And he's willing to live with them. and die because of them. Death is not his concern. Salvation is.

Maybe there's some hope if you can find a very persuasive priest that can move your dad from his conviction, tying getting treatment to salvation somehow.

Otherwise, if I were in your shoes, I'd leave him be. He has a right to his faith whether you agree with it or not.

Just want to say that Urgent care is not a solution. They are limited in what they can do. Its just a doctor when your PCP is not available. Anything serious, you are sent to an ER.

What you may have to do is wait until the situation is so serious, like he loses consciousness. Then u call 911 and get him transported to a hospital.

If he’s competent to make his own decisions, in other words he understands the possible outcomes from refusing to see a provider, then you should respect his choices. I do suggest that you encourage him to sit down with his provider to discuss and complete a living will/ advanced directives so he has an opportunity to clarify for everyone involved what he wants in terms of medical care should he become incapacitated. If he’s tired of life or believes that God has a plan for him you should respect his wishes, even if you don’t agree with them.

Does he have any other Catholic friends?   Have you consulted with any priests to get suggestions on why he dislikes the priests, or do you think that it's an excuse b/c he really doesn't want advice?  Do you think he's taking this position b/c priests are either (a)  too young, or  (b)  too old?

Do you think a home visit from a priest (especially the one he does like) would help?   There actually may be some issues why he doesn't want to continue at the same church, i.e., perhaps his declining condition, and he doesn't want people to see him that way.

I think people do get more set in their ways as they grow older, especially when the end of life seems nearer.   I also think sometimes they're afraid to  make decisions at that point, b/c the situation may worsen.

It may be that in his own current mindset, he's reconfigured his beliefs, and sees this as the best position to adopt.

You have my sympathies; I wish I could think of some really good suggestions, but it is difficult when someone takes an inflexible position.

Not meaning to be disrespectful, but I recently read this fictional but insightful anecdote: A man was drowning, and a Coast Guard boat came by and threw him a line, and he said, "No, thanks, God will save me." Then a civilian boat came by and offered the same help, but was met with the same refusal. Then a whale came by, motioning for the man to get on his banck, and they could swim to safety, but the man refused, and he died. When he saw God, he asked how He could let that happen, and God said, "I sent you 2 boats and a whale." Maybe you could use that tactic with your dad, that symptoms are a sign to get things checked out. I agree with the other suggestions here, too. Perhpas a priest could offer some advice.

I would remind him that Christ also healed the blind and that in this day and age his Lord would want him to seek out a doctor for the sake of his family who cares about him. You may need to speak with adult protective services and see if there is any way to make him go. I don’t blame him for placing his trust in God. But if he were to read the Bible he would see there is no such place as purgatory. If there was Christ could not have promised the thief on the cross beside him that “today you’ll be with me in paradise”. He simply needs to trust in Jesus and his sins are forgiven. No need to suffer when he can be free. Christ also said his “yoke is easy and his burden is light” . It would not be his will for your father to suffer when help is available to him.

I would tell him how Jesus suffered on the cross and sacrificed himself so that we do not have to suffer. Let him know that God would not like him just let his life slip away when he could prevent it. If he does that it would be like suicide. We know how the Catholic faith feels about that.

This is probably not what you want to hear, but maybe he is just ready to let nature take its course and allow his life to unfold. When he can no longer function independently, then you can seek a medical diagnosis. I know this all very difficult.

What's with the urgent care. Are you saying an urgent care versus your family doctor? Why can't his family doctor run a few tests after an exam as a beginning point. But if your Dad is competent, you have to ask yourself if he has a condition that could end his life soon or cause severe pain for an extended period of time, are you willing to let him make his own decision? I don't mean to be cold, but is some of your worry more about you and letting him go rather than letting your Dad have his final say. It's something that could be discussed with your GP. Can you get an appointment just on the dizzy spell or loss of vision if you haven't done so or as a follow up if you have. But his mental state, competence, is still his and ultimately you have to consider are you putting yourself ahead of your Dad. I can't say one way or the other, but I think its something only you can answer. If it turns out he has a treatable but terminal condition in the long run, what will you do. Let your Dad make the decision or will you try to overrule maybe his last major decision.

If it is truly urgent, call 911. I had a patient who refused medical care and was sinking into depression and losing her hair. It wasn’t until she fell and was rushed. To a hospital that she had a work up and found it was a thyroid condition. Synthesis and no more depression and her hair grew back wavy and with full color although she was in her 70s.

Contact the Pope

So your profile says that dad has had a stroke. Is that what you think is going on or did he have a stroke and end up in the hospital and get treated at some date?

I ask, because a stroke can cause dementia and that sounds like what you are dealing with.

I, personally, would not push for medical intervention if he really doesn't want it. It's not okay to force treatment on anyone and even though I believe that The Lord gave us medicine for us, I also don't believe that people should be kept alive by intervention if they don't want to go through the treatments, some of which destroy your quality of life. Maybe, he is fearful that he will have to go through what your mom did, to end up dead anyway.

Has anyone had a talk to him about why he doesn't want medical intervention if it is an easily treatable condition? Is he afraid of the actual diagnosis? What he would like in the event he is incapacitated and can not make his wishes known? Because that is what should happen if/when he can no longer advocate for himself, his wishes for what does and doesn't happen to his body.

Please do not use an emergency to force your will on him. It is his life and health after all.

Can you contact his parish priest for assistance.

Might a chat with his priest help? I mean you could explain the situation and your concerns and then perhaps the priest who knows him could drop by for a visit and conversation with Dad.

Ultimately, it's his choice regardless of how wrongheaded it is. I have my opinions about what he'll find once he dies and it doesn't match his, but it's his life and as long as he's competent, it's his call.

I'd just say don't blow a fortune on the funeral. My FIL died suddenly after a fall, and my very Catholic spent nearly $40,000 she could ill-afford on his funeral.

Your dad sounds like my FIL. He died from a brain bleed after hitting his head, then angrily refusing to get checked out because he denied having fallen. He also needed knee replacement surgery for years and wouldn't take even an Advil for pain because he was such a know-it-all. His end wasn't surprising to me, but the rest of the family was absolutely stunned that this was how he met his end. He considered himself a devout Catholic, but various priests weren't good enough, he went to Mass to check off that box each week, and he'd never cracked a Bible in his life.

If I believed in any of that, I'd be very interested in what God had to say to him about his faith, pride, and ultimate end.

If it were me, I’d take him to church. Ask your local priest to speak to him and tell him that God wants him to get well. That allowing himself to become a burden to his daughter is an affront to God.

I think a good priest is your absolute best bet.

Pray and let him know that you love him and will miss him and just want him to get checked out and it'll be up to him if he wants to do anything about it.
Let him know that God helps those who help themselves.
If he refuses help, there's nothing you can do about it.

When people are this stubborn and idiotic, there is nothing you can do - they make their beds and lie in it - don't try because they will not cooperate. Have you spoken with an eldercare attorney for advice and do YOU have a power of attorney. Sometimes with legal clout on your side, you can find a way to make them get help. If not, don't fight - you won't win. You can't do what you can't do and he won't do.

How about talking to his priest about God would want him to get medical care from those that God blessed with healing abilities. Perhaps the priest can do a home visit for communion and discuss. Or, if priest knows what your concern is, could talk to him when he visits the church for confession or other non-service time...when priest can approach and talk.

Several have mentioned getting him to talk with his priest. That is the best idea for him. When I was caring for my mother, she would ask me "Why am I still here?" Sometimes she would be satisfied with "I still have things to learn from you" or "you are the only one who will give Lisa a job" , but sometimes I called her priest or his assistant to come and see her and leave them to talk and pray but at that point Mom was in her 90's and was really suffering from macular degeneration, hearing loss, and crippling arthritis. That is a very different scenario from what your Dad is facing.

I am 70 now, I think that is too young to just quit. Your Dad is probably afraid of the answer if he gets a diagnosis but just what if he has many, many years left and he just doesn't need to live them like this.

Call 911.

His Church is His Pillar of Faith. His Priest is the spokesman from God. Get his priest involved. Remember...it does not make any difference to God how long we live. God has taken him thru his life and it sounds like he is aware of that and trusts God to complete His Prescence in his life. He is focused on God and God takes control. Your Dad has this belief. His language to you indicates this. He exhibits....it is not important how long I live. You are facing loss of your father and everything you have stated is normal for you. If you are catholic contact your priest and he will help you get the same "perspective" of God being in control like your father.

You could accept his wishes. It's his life, and he has apparently made a clear decision to not appeal to medical treatment. Because that's his right.

Is it not possible that your fear and grief and panic is possibly your own trauma of your mother's death?

Seek healing, counseling and be accepting of your father's feelings.

I trust God for healing too, but I realize He often provides healing through those in the medical profession. I would suggest since he has a recent loss of vision and stomach pain to get him seen by a doctor this week. His symptoms can be from untreated high blood pressure, neurological issues... Without prompt treatment, I am concerned not only about his quality of life but his survival.

I heard a joke once that may make your father realize he is going against God will by not accepting his help. It goes like this.
“A hurricane was approaching and evacuation orders were in place and they sent emergency workers to bring a man to a safe location, but the man said I shall stay. I trust in God , I will not perish. God will take care of me. And so the rain came and the waters rose high. Emergency services than sent a row boat to rescue the man again he said I have faith in God, he will save me I will not leave and he sent the row boat away. The waters rose higher so high that the man had to climb out onto his roof. Emergency services this time sent a helicopter to lift the man off the roof. Again the man said I have faith in God he will not let me perish. And so the man sent the helicopter away. The man drowned and when he came in front of God he said to God. I don’t understand I was a faithful servant I believed in you , I believed would not let me perish. God replied, I did not want you to perish. I sent emergency services to save you, you refused, than I sent a rowboat to save you, I you refused. Than I sent a helicopter to save you. You refused all the help I offered.
perhaps if you Dad can realize God is sending medical help for him and he should turn down God’s helpers.

Give him two choices:

1) we go to ER and get you checked out or
2 we call 911 and have paramedics check you out

Good luck

As a Roman Catholic he has the sacrament of Confession to forgive any and all sins. Maybe he just doesnt want to live anymore.