I've posted before about my dad. Here's a brief summary of the situation. We've been assisting him for over three years now. He lived with us for almost ten months while recovering from serious health problems. Now he lives "independently" in a senior residence with a great deal of help from my husband and me.
Last May, we finally managed to remove one of our responsibilities: Dad started doing his own laundry. This came about because I had surgery and we needed a break. Our plan had been for Dad to pay to have his laundry done at the senior residence, but he refused to spend the money and instead started washing everything himself. (At most, it's only one load per week).
Now he's trying to give back the task, and he's using a variety of tactics to make it happen. My feeling is that we have done everything else for him and if he won't pay to have the laundry done, he'll have to continue to do it himself. Is that an unreasonable approach? I told him again today that if doing the laundry is making him tired, he should make use of the laundry service instead, but he came up with more excuses about why that wouldn't be a good idea.
I'm really irritated by his passive-aggressive approach to the situation. Today he told me how tired he was from doing the laundry and that it always made him tired but that he'd take a nap after lunch. When I brought up the subject of paid laundry service, he said that they didn't return the clothes quickly enough and he would run out of clothes. He brushed off my offer to equip him with more garments. Later on, my husband pointed out to me that we had been giving Dad one-week turnaround when we did his laundry--apparently that wasn't a problem for him at the time.
FreqFlyer, I love the idea of the sling, but I doubt it would help, because Dad brushes aside any mentions of my own health. After my surgery, I mentioned that I was feeling a little "off" because of the side effects. At the end of the conversation, he said, "I'm glad you're doing beautifully."
It also could be that he's not sure how to pay them. Could it come out of his account or would he have to pay separately. Maybe, his check writing skills are going and he's afraid he won't be able to do it.
Or, who actually comes to get his laundry with the service. Is he having accidents in his underwear and he's embarrassed for them to know about it? Maybe he gave up doing laundry for a reason.
I noticed that my cousin hadn't done laundry in a long time and wondered why. Later, I discovered that she had dementia and she could no longer navigate the instructions on the washing machine.
Send it out, get it done in house, do it himself. Not your problem!
My Dad [95] never did laundry in his life. When in college he use to mail home his laundry for his mother to do, of course back then one didn't had a washing machine and the dryer was the clothes line. After college Dad found work and lived in a boarding house where the house mother did the guy's laundry. Then he got married, and my Mom did 72 years worth of laundry. So, it is your job :P
It could also be he is tying up the machines at Assisted Listing by forgetting he has a load of wash that needs to be dried or he has dried clothes sitting in the dryer. Bet the ladies who live there aren't happy campers.
It's funny, he lives "independently" yet you and I feel so exhausted.... like, what is up with that?
Buy an arm sling and wear it when you go to visit Dad. Back when I broke my shoulder I was out of commission for 6 months yet the doctor didn't want me to wear my sling after the 2nd month.... I told my physical therapist about my parents and how they act when they see the sling, and he laughed, told me I have his permission to keep wearing the sling any time I am around the parents :)