Do I need a personal caregiving contract showing my status as roommate sharing caregiver?

Just say no. Find a nice Assisted Living faciluty for mom, she'll love the activities and socializing. What you are proposing will be a financial and emotional disaster for you before very long.

My mind just refuses to accept your sisters line of reason- that you must pay to be there. That she doesn't want you to have any "financial gain" - what a selfish twit! And to make IRS threats? Wow. Perhaps sis needs a reality check in learning how much her own financial gain i.e. her inheritance - would be eaten up if your mothers money was to go to pay for Assisted Living or a nursing home. For you to do the full-time plus work as your mothers caregiver AND pay to be there is insane. If you go through with this get a caregivers contract - even if no money is paid you and it is merely stipulating your work in exchange for living expenses.

It sounds like a bad idea to me. You can spend hours on this forum reading the horror stories of children trying to care of their elderly parents. I commend those that manage it but most do not and regret giving up their lives to caregiving. Meet with your sibs, figure out the finances and get in home help or facilty care.

Thanks everyone. Yes, I have to rent out my own home and am not looking forward to being a landlord as I will have to pay to have repairs and improvements to accommodate tenants. I don't want to sell it as the market it is in is not profitable right now. Perhaps it's that I am "green" to caregiving for a parent and not considering the consequences to my own health and well being. It feels like the right thing to do, but it is scary, and is fraught with consequences. There are two more siblings. One sibling adopted his grandchildren and said moving from his home he owns into mother's would not work and that moving her into his would be an overwhelming situation for all. The other sibling wants nothing to do with the caregiving stating it is mother's problem and not hers but has volunteered to carry out POA duties for mother's business matters although she has complained of the time spent handling mother's insurance paperwork and billings and legal matters. She compares it to my providing the hands on caregiving and round the clock accessibility. She is the one who prompts me to be concerned about living in mother's home. My sister does not want to move in with mother or have mother move into her home, a home mother also owns in which she is living for free over the past seven years with the exception of paying yearly prop tax and insurance and her utilities. She wants me to pay the same for the house my mother lives in while I am providing caregiving. As I said, I am good with the utilities and food costs for mother and me. My sister has threatened to file IRS 1099 declaring that I am receiving financial gain by not paying rent - however, if I do as she (my sister) does and pay property taxes and homeowner's for the house my mother lives in, then she won't carry out her threat. I did not want to seem like a drama queen, so I posed my original question as bare bones as possible. Thanks for listening.

I think you'll find that the demands of caring for 2 houses are overwhelming, and you'll start burning out. I would list all of the indoor and outdoor tasks, consider which ones can be hired out (yard work, indoor cleaning, laundry, etc.) while still living in your own home. And start calling agencies to provide in-home care. Your health will not deteriorate as much as if you moved in and took over all the work.

So what is the plan for your own home, will you become a landlord? And what of your possessions?

It sounds to me as though you will be performing the duties of a full time live-in CNA, why would you be expected to do all that and still help pay expenses?

Do you have any thoughts on what might cause you to reach a "line in the sand" when can no longer provide care? Even if you are determined to care for your parent until the end there may come a time you physically can't do it any more. Have you both discussed an exit plan?

It sounds like you do not want to move in with her. Follow your gut.

cwillie: I would not be there "just for companionship and as an occasional driver." My parent requires assistance with meals (prep, cook, serve, cleanup), medication prompting, appointment setting, bathing assistance, laundry, household cleaning, yard care, etc. As much as I want to provide caregiving without pay, I also do not want to incur costs to do so. I too, have a home without mortgage. She wants me to live in hers.

Also know that my parent's home does not have a mortgage and my father left her a funded account to pay property tax. She also has a widow's pension and social security. I have my own pension and social security.

If you are truly just there for companionship and as an occasional driver then I guess you should pay room and board, but be fully aware that once a precedent is set it can be difficult to change. Your parent's care needs will inevitably increase and you may find yourself caring for them in ways you never expected. They will not only have a live-in caregiver, they will have one who actually pays for her keep. If you have sibs, are you fine with them sharing any future inheritance equally even though you have done all the work?

Dat, what type of care does your parent need? If she needs around the clock care, meaning 168 hours per week, that is impossible for one person to do... that is like working 3 shifts per day.

You don't need an employment contract if your parent is not paying you any wages for helping them via a caregiver. But when and if she does, do draw up a contract, it will come in handy in case your parent needs to apply for Medicaid.

We have to remember that our parent will still think of us being 30 years old being faster than a speeding bullet... more powerful than a locomotive.... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. When in fact we are senior citizens ourselves with our own age decline issues.