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I am 86 years old and living alone. I want to stay living in my own home.

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Nobody is 'in need of help' until they're in need of help. By then, it's usually too late, they are rushed to the ER and then rehab, and that's when the decision to live independently is taken away from them. That's when assisted living becomes the only option, which is what happened to my father at 90.

The best way to stay in your home for as long as possible is to ask for and get help; at 86, I'm sure you need help with certain things like cleaning, for example. I'm 63 and could sure as heck use help with cleaning, not to mention other errands!

It would be nice if we could all get exactly what we want, exactly HOW we want to 100% of the time, but that's not how life works. Ask yourself how badly you want to stay in your own home for the remainder of your life, and what lengths you are willing to go to in order to accomplish that.
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The very nature of an 'emergency' means that you really can't prepare for it. If you are 86 years old, suffering from a variety of issues and wanting to remain in your home, I suggest you hire help to come in daily NOW. BEFORE an emergency arises. Interview a few potential care givers to find one you click with; then hire him or her for a few hours a day or 20 hours a week. Allow the person to help you clean the house, do chores, run errands, etc. ALLOW it, is the key word. Depend on this person to help you with whatever you need help with. If and when the time comes that you find yourself in a dire situation, that care giver will be there to help you even more.

The key is not to wait for an emergency, but to see the handwriting on the wall now and hire in home help. It's much cheaper than going into an Assisted Living residence and enables you to stay in your own home. You can increase the hours as needed.

Good luck!
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I can only share my personal experience with my mother. First, you need to realistically assess your finances. Is there enough money to pay for upkeep (lawn maintenance, gutter cleaning, etc) and major repairs on your home, taxes, and utilities for years to come? In addition, is there enough money to pay for some in home care (cleaning, meals, help with bathing and dressing) to start, and then 24 hour care, if needed? Check on the cost of that. Do you have a family member that is able and willing to manage all your finances for you? Do you have all needed documents in order such as a will, POA, health care surrogate, etc? Have you consulted with a realistic elder care attorney? If you have children, they are also aging, facing health issues and trying to plan for their retirements or may still be working. Your friends are aging too. My mother let her house fall down around her, did not plan well, estranged her family, and expected her friends to run all her errands. This led to BIG financial mistakes and multiple medical emergencies and placed a great burden on me to try and resolve all her problems in a short period of time. If you don’t have family, can you afford to hire or appoint a guardian? Contact your local agency on aging to see what services might help you now and in the future. I commend you for reaching out and planning in advance!
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Ok you're 86 and live alone. Do you have any of the wearable alarm devices in case you fall and cannot get yourself up off the floor - a common serious emergency among the elderly - that would contact emergency services? If not I would get that right away. In addition, as lealonnie1 stated, get a professional caregiver to come to your home daily to take care of you personally (bathing dressing) plus chores including taking you to medical appointments.
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If you want to stay in your home, stay in your home. No one can force you to leave your home, unless you are mentally incapable of making decisions for yourself.

Good advice given so far. Simplify and declutter your house to accommodate changes in your future. There are professionals who can help with that, if you have money. Start with an eldercare manager and then hire caregivers who can help you a few hours each day or who can live with you.

If you do not have money, downsize and move to a smaller place of your choice. I love the beach, so if I were 86, I would buy a small beachfront condo and watch beautiful young men on the beach from my balcony.

This is your life. Live how you want to live it.
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Daughter62sad Jul 2020
Haha made my DAY!
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My grandmother was also able to live alone into her 80's - good for you! Things to consider:

What chronic health problems do you deal with?
Talk to your doctor and do an online search of possible problems associated with your health - i.e, arthritis tends to continue to get worse with time; diabetes needs frequent monitoring of your glucose levels, monitoring feet, and watching for infections; high blood pressure or high cholesterol puts you at risk of heart attack and strokes...

Create a medical notebook and keep it in a bright folder near the door. I insisted on my grandmother having a written record in a red binder of all her medical history, surgical history, current medications and their schedule, allergies, medical insurance info and doctors. If an emergency were to occur, EMS and ER personnel will need this info. Consider putting notices on the door of where to find this information.

Get your legal and financials in order?
A good family lawyer can finish all the documents you need in 1 session: Powers of attorney (medical and financial), will, living will, do not resuscitate (if that is what you desire)... You can have most of your bills paid automatically from your bank accounts. The bank can also assign somebody to manage/advise your portfolio and assets.

What does your support network look like?
Who are the family members and/or friends that you are in communication with frequently? It is better for mental health, and in case of emergencies, if you have a couple of people who you check in with frequently. Nobody wants to be the poster person for "I've fallen and I can't get up". Devise a simple system of daily contact and let them know what to do if you don't answer the phone or door. Consider giving a copy of your keys to a few trusted people. Let everyone know who the "holders of the keys" are.

Being a senior does not mean you need to sell everything to move in with family, assisted living or a nursing home. By taking steps now, you stay as independent as possible for as long as possible.
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maryqesq1 Jul 2020
Excellent complete list.
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A lot of people have given some very good advice. Please consider it all very carefully. i am 86, strong, healthy, and independent. I live alone andlove it. I will never live with anyone else in their home nor will i allow anyone to live in my home. I started paying for long term care insurance when I was 62. It cost only $43 a month then and it still costs only $97 a month. LTCI is essential forthose weho do not wish to share a household with anyone. Assisted living facilities do differ greatly. I have visited more than 16 of them. I have picked my 2 favorites both of which are in excellent locations where hopefully any young loved ones I might still have could frequently visit me.I have notified my son and my doctors of the facilities I would prefer if I do become disabled and or incompetent.I hope I never ever have to use my LTCI.It is there if I ever need it to avoid living with someone and or having a "caregiver".Right now, I enjoy managing all my own affairs financial household and other. I hire people when i need help.I hope i can die in my own lovely cozy home. However, the LTCI is there as a less bad alternative to living with an unhappy annoyed "caregiver".May God have mercy on us all. May God bles you , protect you, and strengthen you.
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Jazzy1349 Jul 2020
Hello, beautiful,!! Just want to tell you I greatly admire the way you're handling your affairs. God created a beautiful soul, and a very smart cookie, when he created you. RARE..! Want you to know also, that not all caregivers are "bad." There are some, like me, that are dedicated to their profession - over 45 years. I specialize in seniors with Alzheimer's. I love my job, my seniors, and they love me. I wish you all the best, and when your journey ends, may you just simply drift off to GOD'S waiting arms. Blessings, prayers.....
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First, let me congratulate you on being one smart cookie.! I'm gonna assume you're referring to bringing "a caregiver" in home, if needed. As a self-employed caregiver, I would recommend that you look up agencies in your area; they usually have someone that will come to your home, evaluate your possible needs, - cover every area with them. Explain why you're doing this, and they will work up a plan that if the need should arise, all you'd have to do is call them. Call several, you need to be comfortable with you're dealing with. I admire you, and how you're handling your beautiful self.!! Prayers....
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You have to answer a few questions for yourself first.
Look around your house.
Is it accessible? Are there carpets that will make using a walker or wheelchair difficult? If so remove them and get solid flooring. And I would strongly advise a water resistant flooring.
Do you have stairs? Can you make living on 1 floor possible? If so do it now.
Large bathroom so that a wheel chair can get in and move around.
Roll in shower (zero threshold)
"ADA" height toilet.
Place grab bars near toilet and shower. Towel bars should also be grab bars only because you will use them as such.
Wide door ways so a wheelchair can easily get through.
And there is a possibility that equipment like a Sit to Stand or a Hoyer Lift may be needed so wide doorways for that possibility.
IF these adaptations can not be made I would rethink the idea of staying in your house and stat looking at a Continuing Care Community. You can start in Independent Living and transition to Assisted Living if necessary and many have Skilled Care and Memory Care as well.
We all want to stay living in our homes but if they are not suited for the quality of life you want what joy is there is staying?
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When we age, an emergency can happen at any time. Falls are the number one situations that can be a matter of life and death. I highly recommend a fall detection system. I made the mistake of getting one for my dad that he had to press the button, problem was he was knocked out and was unable to press the button. If I had gotten one with fall detection, this would not have been issue. The good news is that his housekeeping service was just down stairs and heard a loud noise, and came up stairs. However, this could have been a very bad situation in any other scenario. I highly recommend getting help NOW!!! It is too late when you are desperate because you can't care for yourself. The reason I say this is it takes time to get to know your worker and the feeling of trust. If you wait you may end up with someone that you are uncomfortable with. At least if you hire while it isn't necessary, you can train or fire until you are satisfied with the helper.
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