Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
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I see from the old thread that JoAnn brought up from below, that your mother has money, so she can afford to move out. If you, like your brother, are waiting for an inheritance, which is why you've kept her intruding on your home and marriage for fourteen years, then just give that up. Make her spend her money on her life now so that you and your husband can have your own lives now. If your brother doesn't like it, he can move her in with him. If she doesn't like it, she can ask to move with him. Otherwise, out she goes, to her own place. Fourteen years -- enough is enough!
I would like to ask a question here on your post to whomever wants to answer it.
Why would you need to even ask this question when clearly the answer is so obvious?
If you're resenting your mother occupying your master bedroom, move her out. It's your house. If you don't want her living there anymore, same answer. Move her out.
The mom has tenancy after 14 years. And I’m guessing mom was moved into the master suite because it had an adjoining bath easier for her to get to. If that wasn’t the case 14 years ago, it certainly is now.
I have to ask why 14 years ago you decided to give up your bedroom? And was your husband in agreement with this decision? (I bet not)
What are your mothers needs that it was decided that she move in with you?
First thing you do depends on what needs your mother has. If she is cognizant (and I hope not because if she is cognizant and allowed you to give up your master bedroom for her that is a selfish thing to have done..and not in the best interest of your marriage) You sit down and tell mom that she has to leave. she can go to a Senior housing in the area, get an apartment, move to Assisted Living or Independent living based on her needs .If moving out of the house is not possible then if she has not been paying her FAIR SHARE or ALL household expenses that starts now. so if there are 3 of you in the house she pays 1/3 of EVERYTHING mortgage, insurance, cable, gas, water. And she begins to pay you for ANY care that you are providing. Look up what a caregiver costs in your area and that is what she pays you. In addition to her fair share of expenses.
If mom is not cognizant then you begin to look for caregivers that will help you, And move mom to another bedroom. If it is getting difficult to care for mom then you start looking for a facility that can meet her care needs.
But you start by moving mom to another bedroom and take back your life, this is your house, your life, your marriage.
Move mother out of your master bedroom and not ask "why should I do this"? Because you are resentful, burned out and ASKING what to do. It's like taking a baby to sleep in your bed, after being told not to, and then being resentful of the 10 yr old sleeping in your bed in your master bedroom. Actions have consequences that then must be remedied.
Refer back to all your other posts for the same advice. Why are you in the same situation since 2023?
Are you just looking to vent and get sympathy or do you want real change? The problem lies within your inability to solve the issue. I suggest therapy to help you. Then real change can happen.
I think you're less likely to really resent your mother if you get her out of the primary bedroom and out of your home entirely. If the latter seems excessive, then tell her that it's time for you and your husband to have the primary bedroom and that she needs to have a different bedroom.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Why would you need to even ask this question when clearly the answer is so obvious?
If you're resenting your mother occupying your master bedroom, move her out. It's your house. If you don't want her living there anymore, same answer. Move her out.
And was your husband in agreement with this decision? (I bet not)
What are your mothers needs that it was decided that she move in with you?
First thing you do depends on what needs your mother has.
If she is cognizant (and I hope not because if she is cognizant and allowed you to give up your master bedroom for her that is a selfish thing to have done..and not in the best interest of your marriage)
You sit down and tell mom that she has to leave. she can go to a Senior housing in the area, get an apartment, move to Assisted Living or Independent living based on her needs .If moving out of the house is not possible then if she has not been paying her FAIR SHARE or ALL household expenses that starts now. so if there are 3 of you in the house she pays 1/3 of EVERYTHING mortgage, insurance, cable, gas, water. And she begins to pay you for ANY care that you are providing. Look up what a caregiver costs in your area and that is what she pays you. In addition to her fair share of expenses.
If mom is not cognizant then you begin to look for caregivers that will help you, And move mom to another bedroom.
If it is getting difficult to care for mom then you start looking for a facility that can meet her care needs.
But you start by moving mom to another bedroom and take back your life, this is your house, your life, your marriage.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-resent-my-mother-who-has-lived-with-us-for-the-last-11-years-what-should-i-do-480439.htm
Are you just looking to vent and get sympathy or do you want real change? The problem lies within your inability to solve the issue. I suggest therapy to help you. Then real change can happen.
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